What's her state of mind now? How do I refocus again?

[TheDoctor]

Hey guys, sorry to bug you again but just had a question. It's been nearly 5 months now of absolutely no contact and I was just wondering what you think her state of mind is? Is she over me? Is she over her own problems? Will she ever be? Basically, my story is my ex met me and wasnt really over this guy she had only a fling with. She calls him her ex bf he calls her a fling, if even that. He slept with her and went and spread rumors in high school that she was awful in bed and he messed with her mind so bad when I first met her she told me he raped her yet she was still talking to him. I should have known then that I shouldnt talk to her at all! And I did for 1 month I ignored her and confronted her and told her she wasnt over her ex and I dont want to get involved. In the meantime, I found a new girl whom I dated for 2 months then I left her and wanted to talk to my ex whom at the time was mad at me and I to her. I spoke to her, we met up then we began dating. I knew her from high school I had a crush. She was a sweet innocent girl who couldnt harm a fly or so it seemed. Slowly, she told me stories of how she was a victim. I encouraged her to fight back! At first when I didnt love her these problems did not bother me such as talking to her ex. Then problems began to occur. She has childish friends that called the cops on me and she began to tell me her distant friends were talking behind my back ALL THIS WHICH IS NOT TRUE! Eventually, I found out she was still talking to her ex behind my back and I finally told her it was over. I broke up with her and after 1 day I cried as did she and we went back with eachother. She promised me she never will talk to him again and she really hated him for doing this to her. That she was so mad at him for squeeling on her about their "friendship" behind my back and she refused to ever talk to him. Well all this worked for a few months then her grandmother passed away. She began to act funny and I softened up on her. She began to become very emotionally unstable. She took something such as a blessing in disguise ( her grandmothers passing) and turned it into such a negative thing by talking to people that are harmful to her. Then her ex emailed her and she asked if she could thank him for the email. I requested she ignore it as it was just another sucker trap to lure him into her life again.

 

During new years eve she broke up with me ( this coming from a girl who would threaten to kill herself if we broke up ever! and said if we didnt marry shed die!) and said she needs space and after she saw I bent over backwards to stop this breakup she said OK sorry i gotta go dont worry about it. The next day I confronted her in tears begging for a reason on why we broke up and I said lets break up to her. She said so sorry I love you so much dont leave me I love you everything will be ok. After a few months she began talking to him again after I said I am ok with it considering she needs to talk to him. She clearly wasnt over him and eventually we problems occurred again. The day before we broke up she saw I was sad and she was very intensily sad holding my hand and saying dont be sad but happy etc etc. I had realized her mother had turned against me. The very next day we broke up!

 

Since our breakup in mid march she has blocked me from online, made an online journal talking a little funny. For example one of her posts said thank God she is free after 1 1.2 years of being "locked up" basically saying I was hell. Then, a few days later she made this long post about how sad life is and that life is too short to dwell on the past or future

and that she needed to leave me and my friends because she needed her own friends and totally talking out of her ass. Dont dwell on the past yet you block me and all my friends? HuH?! Finally. she posted something stating that she is "busting a Mariah" ( like the singer who had a nervous breakdown). Then, the next day after our breakup she imed some girl who had absolutley nothing to do with our breakup and blamed the entire thing on her. This girl had nothing to do with anything!

 

It has now been nearly 5 months, I am over it as much as I can be for now but sometimes I am so tempted to just IM her and talk but I just see no reason to. I am almost intimidated of doing this because there is no point. I know your not a psychic but Im just wondering from what I stated what you think her state of mind is and how you would approach the final stage of moving on if you were in my shoes. I was so good to this girl, I'm not a victim but I find it so hard without waking up in the morning without thinking about the past and how much I miss truly being happy and Im frustrated with myself about why I have a pain in my heart that just wont go away. I try so hard to stay strong but my heart is bleeding and I just cant help it. It gets less and less but will it ever really end? It's getting weaker and weaker but something eats away at me inside. What to do? What has she gone through? Does it even matter? Do you think she'll ever atleast come back to talk? How does a girl or anybody love you to death and say dont ever leave me I'll die then go 4 and a half months without you? I have grown so much since my breakup but I find myself alone and hurt. I didnt ask for this, she knows it. Why did this turn into a war? I wish this would all finally end. I have been stressing about her since Mid December.

[outrageousxo]

hmm

[wickedbusa]

You have to move on and stop thinking about the past. Let it go. Wondering about what she is doing or thinking is going to do you no good. Get out there and meet new people, date, and have fun. Keep up the NC, you will find someone without so many issues who will love you the way you deserve. Good luck to you.