NC Really Does Work, A Least I Think So

[brucethescot]

When my Ex GF dumped me back on June 30th she told me to NOT contact her. In fact, she never even gave me her new phone number or address. (NC was automatic for me). We were together for 15 straight years and never had a falling out. We never even spoke a harsh word to one another. She is 44 yrs. old and was the MOST loving, sensitive person I've ever known. But when we parted, she couldn't have been more cold or abrupt.

 

3 weeks past and she phoned me from work. We spoke very very briefly. Her voice was clearly upbeat, which was considerably different from anything I'd heard in recent months. Her "reason" for calling was to tell me she "found" a few of my personal things she "thought" I might need...and suggested we get together later on the following week so she could give them to me. (Hmm, seems like a pretty good pretext to open dialog and/or see me. After all, she could have mailed them to me since she has my address). Anyway, I said "fine" and we both hung up because she had to get back to her job.

 

Well, that call occurred over 2 weeks ago...and no call from her as of tonight. Hmm. Remember, I couldn't call her because she never gave me her number. And remember she's the one who told me, NC. So the ball remains in her court. 2 questions for my forum buddies:

 

(1) Do you suppose she called for the reason I stated or for another reason? If so, what reason?

 

(2) Why would she suggest we get together later the following week then not follow up withb a call to arrange it? I have my ideas but I'd love yours.

 

Thanks gang!

[ocean9]

sorry to say this...but I think she may have wanted to see if you were still interested...with no intention of actually exploring it

[brucethescot]

Hi Ocean9,

 

Thanks for your input.

 

Please explain your thought further. Your idea doesn't really make any sense if you think it all the way through.

 

What interest of mine could she possibly have been exploring? And for what purpose? Remember, she said she had some of my things...and that she wanted to get them to me. She could have still mailed them to me. She didn't need to call.

[michelemybell]

Hi Bruce,

 

I was in a similar situation recently where my ex after more than a year of not wanting to talk to me decided he missed me and wanted to talk again. It was odd because he was asking my friends if I was seeing anyone and saying how much he missed me, but when we talked he didn't mention any of this to me, and even disapeared again!! Personally I think he just wanted to see if I still cared about him because it seemed to him that I moved on with my life. Honestly, I dont believe he wanted to pursue a relationship again. I think he wants to keep me as an option or as an occasional friend, but didn't want an exclusive relationship again---unless maybe his other options didn't work out. I decided that I didn't want to be his backup plan (or whatever he wanted) and severed ties with him for good.

 

Unfortunately, it's hard to gauge your situation. She may still want a relationship with you in some capacity, but maybe likes her freedom too. There's a possibility that there's someone else she is interested in and she cant decide...or wants attention from a variety of sources. I think all you can really do is continue to let her have her space and move on with your life as much as possible. Dont let her call the shots with your life.

[ocean9]

Bruce,

 

Who knows why she really called?

I think that because she didn't follow through with another call, she may have changed her mind about seeing you. Maybe she called to see if you were still interested in her? Are you? Do you want this woman back in your life? Do you want to be her friend? Only you know what you really want at this point.

 

The next time she calls, ask her for her phone number...see how that goes. You will know from her reaction whether or not she wants to actually be friends. If she won't give you her number, that's a huge red flag. Don't let her have all the control, that's not healthy or balanced. It's not cool if she can call you, but you can't call her. I think that's really weird actually. NC works both ways.

 

I think the whole thing about having some of your stuff or whatever is just an excuse...if she seriously wanted to return your stuff to you, she would have by now. She may have wanted to hear your voice. She might be missing you. There is no way to know, unless you ask her directly...and if you asked her directly ("why are you calling me?") she might feel put on the spot, and she might not be honest.

 

Good luck man! Keep us posted!