nerve-wracked when confronting someone??

[phasegirl]

Does anyone here feel extremely nervous or suffer from anxiety when they have to confront someone?

 

I have this terrible problem that when someone does me an injustice, I want to tell them about it so that they can know not to behave this way. But people nowadays seem to get extremely defensive and/or annoyed and it makes me nervous to confront.

 

Just like this morning - someone started to tell me about an argument they had with someone, and they started to yell and raise their voice (while we were at the workplace). I asked them nicely and in a calm way not to raise their voice, but the person took great offense and started to get defensive *at me!*

 

This is just an example, but this is exactly the kind of reason why I don't like to confront people. I find that people are very selfish and only think about themselves and how *they* feel. But then, am I just supposed to deal with this type of behavior??

 

Another example, a few months ago, I asked a girlfriend of mine why she logged off chat when I logged in, and she took great offense in that she "doesn't have to give anyone any explanations". I wasn't looking to offend her, it was just a question I asked...

 

And then last but not least, another girlfriend whom I had made plans to go to a party with cancelled out on me at the last minute, (she's in the habit of cancelling out all the time on me). When I pointed out to her how her cancelling out on me was not a nice thing to do, she literally went off on me and said that I'm taking it too personally.

 

So, I figure this much: Depending on how a person reacts under differences is a good indicator if they're your true friends or not. Why else would someone take offense at making *you* feel uncomfortable, unless they're the selfish idiots who only think about themselves and don't have a care in the world to stop acting in a way that makes other people feel so uncomfortable and disrespected??

[sidehop]

I agree; I'm not sure how you're viewing other people but sometimes you have to realize they're not always out to upset you. Much like say driving for example, someone could cut you off. They probably didn't mean it, we all do it once in awhile if not careful (and even then someone will still take an offense).

 

link removed is a really good book. There's a point where you start to question and drive yourself crazy looking for every wrongdoing. It's just not emotionally healthy. Have you always been this way with people? I'm not saying you're wrong in acting the way you did but there are situations it's better to let it go. And if you do have to bring it up, do it in a neutral manner so it doesn't upset them further.

[kmh1239]

You seem to be over sensitive to the actions of others based on the examples you gave.

I agree. If a friend were to ask me why I logged off chat when they logged on, I would feel like they were being possessive and somewhat obsessive.

I think you take things a little too personally.

Work on realizing that not everything people do is because of you. People have other things going on in their lives, and sometimes those things are their first priority.

I know it's easy to get sensitive, but try not to let little things get to you.