Is it fate?

[jonb22]

A couple of months ago i stumbled accross this great forum and posted a message I had some great advice and developed a new outlook on my situation.

 

Now two months later everything has changed massively.

 

After thinking for a long time that my Ex GF really hated me and would never speak to me again (please see link above for the whole story!!) I was proved completely wrong!

 

I was driving down the road last week when I saw her, walking up the road - I couldn't believe it - the first time in four years she was there in front of me. I stopped my car next to her and said hello. I was thinking to myself she was either going to shout and tell me to get lost or she would be civil to me.......

 

Her reaction astounded me. She wasn't abusive, she wasn't angry, she wasn't even just civil - she was really friendly!! I couldn't believe it!

 

I got out of my car and stood on the side of the road speaking to her for about 30 mins -- it was not something I had expected. We were laughing and joking and talking about the old times and she seemed really interested in what I was up to and knew some pretty important things that had recently happened to me.

 

I said to her, that it had been a while since I had seen her last (the day we split up) - and her reply was, "yes, four years on the 15th April" -- she couldn't have been more precise!!

 

I apologised for my behaviour after we split up and said I was sorry and that I had made a mistake for leaving her. She said she forgave me for what happened and it was all in the past. She said she had grown up and I had nothing to apologise for! Not the response I was expecting.

 

She then mentioned that a month before hand, she finished with her boyfriend (the bloke she went out with after me). I couldn't believe it, both of us were single!

 

I suggested we went out for a drink to catch up on the past and go out and have a laugh. She agreed and said it would be nice, then we swapped mobile numbers and she said she would call me and sort something out.

 

I drove off from that feeling the happiest man in the world. I didn't think life could get much better!

 

Next day I went shopping with my son (a child I have had since we broke up) and ended up in a shop that I wouldn't normally go in. Guess who was in there doing her shopping --- my Ex GF!!!

 

I hadn't seen her in four years and now I see her twice in two days!

 

We spent another 30 mins or so talking in the shop and walked back to the car pack together; where I said we should definetely go out for a drink - and she again agreed and said she would call.

 

Now, from your honest opinion - should I be optimistic? Should I expect her to actually phone me up and arrange to go out for a drink?

 

It just seems really weird, that for no real reason we end up meeting twice in two days (meeting in places I wouldn't normally go to).

 

I had thought about her a lot recently and hoped that one day I could meet her again -- now this happens.......... is it fate?

 

If she does'nt phone me within a few days - should I take the initiative and phone her? (she did give me her number) Or should I leave it?

 

I would really appreciate any advice anyone has as I don't want to blow this one!!!

 

Cheers

 

Jon

[john one]

I don't know whether to call it fate or a much welcomed coincedence, but I DO think you should call her if she doesn't call you within 7 days or so. I also think you should try not to expect too much, you know how women throw those complete turn-arounds. Be yourself, but be cool (a comprimise between the two). After four years, it's like starting all over. Make a better presentation of yourself this time, the new and improved you. Use the experience and smarts of the you of today. I imagine it would be really easy to fall back into the mindstate of before when you were weak and longing for her. I don't think that's what you want. Just my 2 cents. Good luck!

[mjones.uk]

Hi,

 

I'm really happy for you, I hope it happens to me one day! I would also agree with alot of John One's comments. Remember, you are both different people now from when you were together. Don't get into the relationship mindset too early.

 

If you do start having regular contact with each other, then just use it to become friends, an important part of any potential relationship. If you try to rush things too soon and see it as an opportunity to get back with her, then it might just do the opposite.

 

You sound like you've got your head screwed on anyway mate, so I'm sure you'll want to be sensible about it. Think back to what went wrong when you were together, remember all the qualities that she loved in you, but remember the one's that drove her away as well. You will want to make sure that she doesn't see any of the 'old you' that maybe she didn't like, as she will immediately label you as your old self.

 

Call her, be happy (actually thats a good point, always seem happy and cheerful, its hard to not want to be around people like that), of course try not to sound like a desperate puppy!, but just see what she wants to do - a drink, maybe lunch or dinner.

 

All the time that you do start to see each other, makes sure you use it wisely. Always talk about her, what she's up to, make her feel important and seem interested (both points I'm sure apply to you anyway!), make her feel good and relaxed around you, with no pressure.

 

If things do start to progress then i would suggest doing some reading on relationships and what makes them work! There are dozens of good books out there. Also, if/when you both feel ready for a relationship again, don't see it as 'getting back together', that just reminds you of the past and your past selves, you are both different now and this is a new relationship. Make sure you both talk and discover what is important to you in a relationship, make a list in order of most important first. Don't do what you think will make her happy and feel loved, do what you know will make her feel this way!

 

Anyway, best of luck mate, I'm really pleased for you. Above all though, if nothing does come of it, remember in the back of your mind that you are happy as you are and you can continue to be.

[stillthere]

wow after 4 years that sounds just so sweet to me. i know you are probably "mega" happy right now but be careful ok as the friend before me said step by step...she might be totally different and you might still be in love but after a while maybe she will be the one who is running after you, because maybe you will realize that she isn't the right one for you so just step by step and enjoy every second you can spend with her...

 

good luck 8)