Unable to enjoy... well, anything

[MattW]

I've been reflecting on myself a lot, lately, and I've realized, I'm not really able to enjoy anything. I constantly overthink everything, I worry about every little thing, etc. When I have to go to work, I dread going, because, well, work isn't fun. When I have to go to class, I dread going because classes usually aren't fun. When I try to have fun and indulge in a hobby, or something, I worry that I'm not spending enough time doing something constructive.

 

I also spend a lot of time feeling anxiety about things that are a long ways off. For example, I'm driving myself crazy trying to figure out what to do next semester, in the fall, even though this spring semester isn't even over yet. I'll probably waste my entire summer worrying about it.

 

Sometimes I have trouble falling asleep at night because I start thinking about what I should do the next day, what I should get done, if I'll have any free time to do anything, etc.

 

I really hate being this way. I wish I could just stop overthinking everything, and stop getting myself worked up over everything, but I don't really know how. I wish I could just enjoy life, and take things as they come, and be happy. But I can't really figure out how to do that. As much as I want to stop being that way, I can't get my mind to actually do it. ](*,)

[Captain Obvious]

Sounds like youre not doing what you want in life for some reason? Youll enjoy life when you start, why not do classes and work towards a job that are your hobbies and passions? Then they become constructive.

[nsomnia912]

has anything good come from worrying? worry about things as they happen, no use using up all your energy for something that could possibly happen... i will tell you I am the same as you.. I do the same thing, even as we speak im thinkin about 10 different things.. it sucks.. we both gotta stop doing that to ourselves. it gains us nothing... and takes EVERYTHING!

[MattW]

Well, that's sort of another issue; that being, I don't really have any "passions" in life, and I still don't even know what kind of career I want to pursue, or anything like that. I've been taking classes at a community college for 3-4 years, now, I've changed my major, like, every year, I feel like I'm aimlessly taking classes because I don't know what I want to do... I've been working part time at a retail store for those same 3-4 years, and I hate working in retail so much, but I'm not qualified for anything else. I've tried many times to "force" myself to settle on something to work towards in life, but I just don't know what I want to do.

 

To be fair, though, I've had the problem of "overthinking" and "anxiety" for years, now, even dating back to grade school. So, it's not necessarily connected to what I'm going through now.

[RadicalDreamer]

Just curious, but what is the last thing you remember truly enjoying in life? Dig deep, if you need to. When was it, and what did you find enjoyable about it?

[catfeeder]

Have you considered therapy? The anxiety alone is good enough reason to work with someone trained to help people manage that. You'll be assessed for depression as well. A social worker or psychologist can assess you over time and help you decide best course.

 

Many people find exercise combined with talk therapy brings relief, while others add meds to that equation--which can be temporary. If you opt for meds, the therapist can refer you to the right doc for those and is trained to continue working with you to monitor whether those are working--they can be adjusted. It's an 'art,' and that's why someone trained in the emotional and mental side of this is the key to getting best treatment--as opposed to just picking up a prescription from a regular MD..

[MattW]

Just curious, but what is the last thing you remember truly enjoying in life? Dig deep, if you need to. When was it, and what did you find enjoyable about it?

 

Honestly, I don't know. Actually, I'm not necessarily sure I don't "enjoy" things, but I just can't ever relax enough to REALLY enjoy them, you know? Instead of just being able to put bad thoughts out of my head and just have a good time doing anything, I constantly find myself worrying something might go wrong, or any other negative possibilities.

 

Have you considered therapy? The anxiety alone is good enough reason to work with someone trained to help people manage that. You'll be assessed for depression as well. A social worker or psychologist can assess you over time and help you decide best course.

 

Many people find exercise combined with talk therapy brings relief, while others add meds to that equation--which can be temporary. If you opt for meds, the therapist can refer you to the right doc for those and is trained to continue working with you to monitor whether those are working--they can be adjusted. It's an 'art,' and that's why someone trained in the emotional and mental side of this is the key to getting best treatment--as opposed to just picking up a prescription from a regular MD..

 

I dunno, I guess therapy couldn't hurt, but I almost feel a bit too self-conscious to really pursue it. Not only that, but I assume I have to pay for it, and I don't really have much money; I'm a full time college student, working part time for about minimum wage, so my spending money is a bit limited.

[Mrs Popsicle]

Honestly, I don't know. Actually, I'm not necessarily sure I don't "enjoy" things, but I just can't ever relax enough to REALLY enjoy them, you know? Instead of just being able to put bad thoughts out of my head and just have a good time doing anything, I constantly find myself worrying something might go wrong, or any other negative possibilities.

 

 

 

I dunno, I guess therapy couldn't hurt, but I almost feel a bit too self-conscious to really pursue it. Not only that, but I assume I have to pay for it, and I don't really have much money; I'm a full time college student, working part time for about minimum wage, so my spending money is a bit limited.

 

It sounds as if you lack focus-you're not focused on work/study when you're doing it, and when you're 'relaxing' you're thinking about what you should be doing-even your attitude to therapy is a bit...indecisive.

 

Do you think that you can't relax when you are doing your hobbies because you feel like you haven't applied yourself at college/work? If I have trouble relaxing, I usually throw myself at something I have been putting off, such as uni work-then when I'm done I really feel like I deserve some time off and enjoy it much more.Worth a try?

[MattW]

Do you think that you can't relax when you are doing your hobbies because you feel like you haven't applied yourself at college/work? If I have trouble relaxing, I usually throw myself at something I have been putting off, such as uni work-then when I'm done I really feel like I deserve some time off and enjoy it much more.Worth a try?

 

Eh, I don't know that I don't "apply" myself; I usually get good grades in my classes, and I end up getting the class work done well and on time. Yet, I still end up wondering if I should be doing more. Yanno?

 

I guess my real problem is that I can't just live in the "now"; I constantly dwell on all the "what ifs", and I also frequently find myself reflecting on past negative experiences, etc. It just seems like I can never let it all go and just enjoy whatever it is I'm doing.

[catfeeder]

[...] I dunno, I guess therapy couldn't hurt, but I almost feel a bit too self-conscious to really pursue it. Not only that, but I assume I have to pay for it, and I don't really have much money; I'm a full time college student, working part time for about minimum wage, so my spending money is a bit limited.

 

If you're a full time college student, then mental health services are part of what's covered by your tuition. Call your office and ask for name of the department that offers these services and the extension to call for an appointment.

 

Meet with a counselor and then decide from there whether you think you could work with him or her. You don't need to diagnose yourself and present them with what you think your problem is--it's much simpler than that. Your original post outlines 'symptoms' that you don't need fancy names for in advance. Just tell it like it is, and trust that they're not hearing anything they haven't hear before--they're trained to help you manage this stuff. And you're already paying for it!

[Mrs Popsicle]

Eh, I don't know that I don't "apply" myself; I usually get good grades in my classes, and I end up getting the class work done well and on time. Yet, I still end up wondering if I should be doing more. Yanno?

 

I guess my real problem is that I can't just live in the "now"; I constantly dwell on all the "what ifs", and I also frequently find myself reflecting on past negative experiences, etc. It just seems like I can never let it all go and just enjoy whatever it is I'm doing.

 

Thanks for clarifying about your college work- you're getting good grades so you are obviously focused enough on that to do well-that's great!

 

Whilst wondering if you could do more can be a good thing when it comes to your academic work, it does sound as if this is a general anxiety that is apparent in all areas of your life and I think you could benefit from some counselling.

Catfeeders right about the counselling in college- is that something you would think about doing?

[RadicalDreamer]

Honestly, I don't know. Actually, I'm not necessarily sure I don't "enjoy" things, but I just can't ever relax enough to REALLY enjoy them, you know? Instead of just being able to put bad thoughts out of my head and just have a good time doing anything, I constantly find myself worrying something might go wrong, or any other negative possibilities.

I know this quite well. I usually tend to dwell on what I'm not doing right, or what I'm not doing enough, and that casts a pall over everything. Also, if one feels they're letting someone down, it can really put a damper on everything else. This can be a healthy reaction if you actually are letting someone down or not doing enough, but if you are predisposed to this line of thinking, or worse, if someone in your life (family, significant other, etc.) is feeding into these feelings, it traps you into a vicious cycle. One that is very hard to break free from.

I dunno, I guess therapy couldn't hurt, but I almost feel a bit too self-conscious to really pursue it. Not only that, but I assume I have to pay for it, and I don't really have much money; I'm a full time college student, working part time for about minimum wage, so my spending money is a bit limited.

Ah yes, the money problem. Just curious, but do you have any health insurance? Depending on your age, in most places students can get health insurance through their parents' health plan. Many health plans include coverage for individual counseling, which can cover much of the cost and take most of the financial "sting" out of therapy. If you do have it, make sure to check into the co-pay amount first to determine how much is covered.

 

As for self-consciousness, I understand completely. That is what made me put it off for way too long. The irony is, a qualified professional is probably the one person with whom you least need to feel self-conscious. They have the experience and the ability to not become emotionally involved with your issues, and offer non-judgmental guidance on how to pull yourself up. Coming on here, and the insights I've gained from others' experience has "boosted" my therapy sessions to make them more productive.

[MattW]

I know this quite well. I usually tend to dwell on what I'm not doing right, or what I'm not doing enough, and that casts a pall over everything. Also, if one feels they're letting someone down, it can really put a damper on everything else. This can be a healthy reaction if you actually are letting someone down or not doing enough, but if you are predisposed to this line of thinking, or worse, if someone in your life (family, significant other, etc.) is feeding into these feelings, it traps you into a vicious cycle. One that is very hard to break free from.

 

Oddly enough, I don't really know where I get it from. None of my family has ever really put "pressure" on me, or anything like that, so it's not like I feel like I'm letting them down. At the same time, though, I sort of do subconsciously feel like I'm letting someone down, but who else is there, then?

 

Ah yes, the money problem. Just curious, but do you have any health insurance? Depending on your age, in most places students can get health insurance through their parents' health plan. Many health plans include coverage for individual counseling, which can cover much of the cost and take most of the financial "sting" out of therapy. If you do have it, make sure to check into the co-pay amount first to determine how much is covered.

 

I'm... not sure, to be honest. I *think* I have some kind of medical benefits from my part time job, but I don't know if (or how much) it'd cover. Also, I don't believe my parents currently have any kind of health insurance from my dad's job; I don't really know the specifics on that, though.

[sonicfan287]

Im not trying to be a cliche poster or anything but you seriously sound just like me... its really weird... right down to the fact that you're a 22 yr old male, same as me. I know exactly what you mean in most regards. I have to give you credit though for pushing through school at least, it's a lot harder than one would think, this is my 5th year in college and I still have no idea what Im supposed to do. The thing with me is, and I dont know if this can help you, but I feel like if I can just get a start on something... anything, it usually gets better. Meaning, you can drive yourself nuts with the "what ifs"and the whatever, but the part that I dont get about myself anyway is in all my "what if"s, I never analyze... "what would happen if I dont take action and just think instead?" Isnt that a paradox though? Its been my experience (and we're the same age so Im prob not telling you anything you havent realized) that anything is better than nothing, and even though things may go wrong, sitting and dwelling doesn't help. That said its a nightmare trying to break the cycle.

 

The person putting the most pressure on you (to no surprise) is you. I constantly try to see myself as other people would see me, I don't know if you have the same problem but whenever I do anything, I find myself picturing the people around me, judging me or at least what I would think if I saw someone like me. I wouldnt judge them nessecarily since I am me (another paradox) so I could relate to them but then I try to imagine... not everyone overthinks everything like I do. If I make a mistake, chances are not everyone is noticing simply because they're not interested. I don't know if any of this is helping. Again, I actually kind of overthought what I was going to say here, so... here I am just kind of rambling...

 

Anyway, I cant really provide the same kind of help as a therapist or the other people on this board, but I just thought it might help to know there's someone who can relate

[zirtaeb]

I'm a 36 years old woman and I started having the same problem since I was 15.

I went to therapists, and I found that we don't have any "real" problem: it's not depression, it's not anxiety, it's not being bipolar or anything.

The problem is that we forgot how to live in the present moment and enjoy the little things of life, living us with nothing but a sense of emptiness.

This happens to perfectionists, we want results, and good ones and we forget to have fun in the process.

Living-in-the-present techniques help you to remember to enjoy every moment of your life.

What I'm trying to do is to remember to stop thinking while I'm in the shower and just enjoy it, feel the water in my body, feel the smell of the soap, relax, breath slowly, and just concentrate in smells, in noises in sensations.

It's very hard for me, now more than ever I'm conscious of how many things go through my mind constantly, non-stop and how tiring that is.

There are a lot of books, yoga helps immensely for me.

Good luck!