not really sure

[Shizzle]

ok, as most of you know i am 16 and engaged.

 

but lately i have been thinking with the way the world is now-a-days was i stupid to get engaged at 16? i mean i truly do love my fiance and i know she loves me too, we have been through some very bumpy times.

 

a qoute from a song "nothing last for ever in the cold november rain" now minus the last bit that pretty much sums up the world! how many couple last now adays? i nievely think i could be with my fiance for ever and i never want to be with anyone else, but with people saying "Its your 1st of many loves" etc its just really playing on me, i know my fiance dosnt regret agree in to it, so i know its a good things but , oh lol i really dont know how to explain

[Tinkerbell]

Hello there,

Well in my opinion I do think that at 16 you're too young to be engaged. You've got your whole life ahead of you, you're going to experience many new things in the few years to come, there's nothing wrong with being in a relationship, but the an engagement is so final. Do you not realise that you're agreeing to spend the rest of your life with one single person? How can you be sure that that person is the one when you'll be meeting hundreds of new people in the time to come? Besides, it's not like you're even allowed to get married at this age, you should've at least waited until you're 18. I just think that you're giving up a lot, just because you love someone with all your heart doesn't mean you should get engaged, you have no idea what the future holds.

Perhaps you should re-think it and maybe decide to postpone the engagement for a few years. In the end, it's your decision, but there's no need to rush into it.

I wish you all the best,

~Tink

[black_magic]

This is sweet, your almost sounding like someone whos about to get married the next day and are worrying about if its the right thing.

It seems like your worried about a few things, which i dont know if its normal which i presume so, or maybe a little worrying because you have now thought about if its right or not.

 

Youve answered the vital question in saying that you love her, and i hope that you wont want anyone else and that it will last for ever, it may be that people around you say that there are loves after loves but why have loves after loves if you are perfectly happy with who you are and who you are with. your right, the world to day still doesnt want young marriages, but in its entirity your just showing your love, i had someone i knew (before i hit college) who was with her boyfriend and they were engaged, right people didnt think they would last, two years later she is still wearing that ring and i can assure you the relationship is going strong.

 

I dont think you have anything to worry about, you may be that one out of ten that is perfectly happy and willing to commit to one person already, well thats my view i guess.

 

I know that i thought about proposing to my boyfriend, and he has spoken about it, and were not much older than you so there is seriously nothing to worry about as long as you are sure on your feeling and none of you will get hurt, talk to her about it, tell her you feel the same but you got a little nervous, she will understand, i can assure you, i mean like you said, its been a bumpy ride for the both of you.

 

I have a question, im not planning it now, but as a male how would you feel if a girl proposed to you? would you think its right?

or did your girl propose, still, good luck!

 

black magic

[Shizzle]

i dunno i think its the man thing to propose!

 

i have talked to my fiance like sugeested on numoros times and she is perfectly happy in the engagment, we been engaged for the last 3 months ( i proposed on the very last day of high school ) it so sureal like in fornt of all our mates, anyways we still aint told our parents. i dont know why i always said i would never get enaged till at least 30 but this beautiful girl has turned my world upside down and well i never want to be with anyone ever!!!

 

am kinda worried about how to tell my parents i only really just got in her parents good books after a year and half lol, ( i never done anything wrong they just didnt like me, now they love me)

 

arh if i could descirbe how i feel now it would be so much more simpler!

[mtastic]

High S4D,

 

Not a subject I have much experience in, but I'll offer my thoughts.

 

First off, I have to disagree somewhat with Tink. I don't know that age has very much to do with love, by the logic of, you never know if you're going to meet "the one," it could lead you to reason that you shouldn't get married until you're in your 60s or 70s, and know you're nearer to the nd of your life and have probobly found "the one" by now. I mean, my family is getting ready to celebrate my grandparents 55th anniversary at the end of the month, and they were both in their early 20s when they got married.

 

That said, I'd say that you might still want to wait on marrigae a few years because as you're only 16, I doubt you have been in a relationship with your fiance for very long. I don't know you're full story so I may be wrong. I only warn you because I know a guy who was engaged to his highschool sweetheart when they got to college, however when she was exposed to all the freedoms college brings, she wound up cheating on him big time, and they wound upbreaking up entirely, and they went to the same school, so its not like they were in different cities or states, they saw each other constantly. I'd like to follow that saying I also used to work with a guy who married his highscholl sweetheart, and they are both in their early 40s now and quite happy together. So it could go either way, but I recommend holding off marriage for a while to make sure you really know her well. I don't mean to imply anything bad about her, but you should really be sure she's the one before you go through with marriage.

 

Ultimately that decision is between you and your partner however, although I'm confident you will make the right choice.

 

Good luck to both of you,

mtastic

[Shizzle]

woo lol i dont plan on walkin down the isle for a good few years maybe when am 21 (my fiance has already planned a date, buti forgot its in 5 years time anyway 18th june i think)

 

i agree love can the one can be found at anytime, but the bit am kinda worried about is like you see all these old couples from the times of the war still together but then on the other hand you see people like your parents after years of marrige just simply devorce! and i dont want that happen to me,we both said we can see ourselfs been together till our dyin die, and well my biggest fear in the whole world is dying alone, but when am with her that fear is gone

[black_magic]

LOl scary thought isnt it, but still i know what you mean with the two sides of the coin, but you can either risk that and possibly go for the happy ending where you do stick together or you could leave it and not find out, you say you love this girl then she is worth the try, i think that maybe you will work out, it will last and the date she has set will come true, but if it doesnt that just something you will have to experiance together.

 

you cant sugar coat your life, sometimes bad things come, but how will you know if you dont take that road in the first place?

 

black magic

[Shizzle]

Great words there thanks, i feel comfortable about it all now

 

just the parenst still *gulp*

[black_magic]

Your welcome and im glad your more comfortabel and confident about it, do the parents not know then? or to what degree do they know? have you been dating long?

 

black magic

[sweetpea4670]

You have no idea how reassuring it is for me to see that someone still believes in young love. I've been with my boyfriend for two years, and we plan on moving in together in about two years and then getting engaged sometime in the future. People tell me it's crazy to have your life planned out when you're 16. But what's so sane about having your life planned out when you're 25 or 30? If that logic makes sense to people, then shouldn't people wait until they're about 80 to commit? No matter how old you are, EVERY relationship has the same chance and possibility of not working out, and that doesn't always have everything to do with age. If two people are willing to work at it so they won't have to sacrifice being with the love of their life, then why do people have to be so pessimistic. I understand that young people don't know 'what else is out there' and they haven't 'explored the world' yet, but what's to say a 25 year old DOES know exactly what else is out there? Love isn't about always trying to find something better than what you have. It's about making a commitment and sticking to it, and if a person can do that at 25 or 30, then they can do it at 16 or 18.

[brokenpogostick]

I got married at 16 and it was a total nightmare. My advice to you is to wait! You need to find yourself as a person and experience different kinds of people so that you are sure that you are going to marry the right person. This is a serious life-long commitment. Don't take it lightly - take it from someone who knows from personal experience

[mtastic]

S4D, Glad I could help.

 

Sweetpea, very well said. My sentiments exactly. I think there is some element of risk involved with any amount of commitment in a relationship, which is why I think commitment is more dependent on how experienced and comfortable you are with your partner, not how old you are.

 

mtastic

[Tinkerbell]

Good lord, looks like we've gone back a century in time. There's a reason that people wait until they get married, at 16 you cannot afford to support a wife, and there really is no point in getting engaged at this age if you're not planning on getting married any time soon. I don't think you understand what it means to be engaged, and as for her parents, expect all hell to break loose, no parent wants to hear that their 16 year old child is engaged.

[sisterlynch]

Hey buddy, you are growing up a bit too fast I hear. Do your parents know that you are engaged and do they support you and your girl getting married in the next few years?

 

It is fun to think about getting married to your first love, and it can work, I know that from personal experience, but you need to know 100% that she is the right one for you. I also would recommend that you wait four or five years to make the relationship official.

 

Being an adult means delaying gratification, I am afraid. So be very careful with birth control and all that.

 

Good Luck! 8)

[Shizzle]

No our parents dont know we are engaged, i think her parents do actually know they, they have asked her a few times why and hwere that ring came from on the her finger. we have been goin for a grand total of nearly 2 years now, by the looks of it me n sweetpea4670 are kind of in the same situation, were planning on movng in, but not yet, both me and fiance are gonna carry on with school, so we dont plan to have kids for a good few years sisterlynch

 

Tinkerbell as sweetpea4670 said what difference does it make if were now both very commited what difference from 16 - 18 to 25- 30?? just because the later age has been roaming the earth for bit longer dont mean they actually know more about love does it? everyone has a different interpriation of love and the feelings you get, MAYBE i have been lucky and found the one at a young age, maybe am been very nieve in that respect, but the way i see it, i have found something so special so early on that some people spend all there lifes looking for, why not make every attemp to keep it real.

 

my fiance must think the same because it takes two to tango if she didnt feel the sam she wouldnt say yes!.

 

joshs_badkitty where & why did you get married at 16

[CarterJonas]

That is so sweet of you S4D.

 

If you and your fiancee are happy and in love then why not stick together. As you said you and her do not plan to get married for another five years, so if you are still together then, go for it. You both should have sussed each other by then in any case.

 

If you decide to continue remember to tell your parents of the long engagement.

 

best of luck to you

[Shizzle]

Thanks You Guys for all you points of views