Need some urgent advice. How to interpret what she said?

[Spartan1]

Hi folks. I just got back into dating again a few weeks ago.

 

On Thursdays I go to this dance class (cheroc, which is a jive based partner dancer). About 4-5 weeks ago, some new ladies joined the class. One of them K, was very flirty with me and I was very flirty with her. There was a definite spark, a lot of eye and body contact.

 

Anyway, the second week I didn't get to dance with her because one of the other ladies there need to chat (a dad had died and she just needed to talk to someone). After chatting to this friend I went to seek out K and noticed she and this other guy were exchanging numbers so I left them in peace.

 

I could not go the following week because I was on vacation, and the week after I was at a singles event.

 

Last week I went there and she grabbed me to dance. Later, when I walked past her to go into the beginners class I over heard say to the woman next to her "I need a new man". Anyway, she followed me in (the guy who I pressume she was now dating was not around) and grabbed me. While we dance we flirted. It was a hot evening and she would regularly put her fingers through her hair and smile at me.

 

Later I danced with her friend and mentioned I was keen on K. She said, why didn't you ask her out? She is going out with E now. I just shrugged and said it looks like I missed out.

 

At the end of the night she grabbed me and said she heard I had the hots for her and if you don't ask you don't get. A good point I guess. Anyway, I offered her my number and she said, don't worry about it yet, will I be there next week? Of which I said yep.

 

(sorry this so long by the way)

 

This week.

OK. This week was a strange one. One year ago, from this week I had separated from my wife and what followed was 3 months of mainly no contact, maybe we will get back together, maybe we won't - the worst part of my life and the lowest I had ever been. Anyway, x-wife phones up complains about lack of decent men in their 30's, how she is missing me, wants to know who I am seeing, the grass has turned out not to be greener - you get the picture? Anyway, that is not my concern but it left me in a really unsettled mood. Tuesday came around and I went on a first date with a lass who I met at the singles event. It was a really good date, a lot of chemistry and she is really keen on me. By Wednesday I was back into an unsettled frame of mind.

 

Then it came to Thursday. It was time to find out what was happening with K. When I got there, she was her boyfriend. During the night I asked if we could chat and we went outside.

 

She explained that E was not her boyfriend, they have a relationship but she is not his girlfriend and he is not her boyfriend (yep, I was trying to work that one out). She said she has not dated for 5 years, is very independent, has spent time finding herself and is only now getting into dating, she wants fun, the relationship with E is not going anywhere and she wants to experience other men.

 

I said normally I would not ask out another man's woman but since they are not boyfriend and girlfriend I will ask. So I asked her out. She replied "This isn't a no but.." At which point I beamed her a big smile and said, yep it is a no and laughed. She insisted it was not a no but fool that I am I said, it is a no. Eventually she said, you want a No? Then it is a no.

 

The reason I think I went down this route was, it felt like one year on I was keen on someone and was faced with the no, maybe yes, not sure scenario and I never wanted to get into that situation again. Stupid I know. I didn't even let her finish her no but sentence.

 

She said I didn't know her and described herself as a bit of cow. I saw that as her having been badly hurt in the past, I mean 5 years is a long time not to date.

 

Anyway, I explained to her the reason I needed to know was the blonde who I dated the week before wanted to meet up for a second time and if K wanted to date, I would drop the blonde if K wanted to go out.

 

The conversation ended with me saying, well if you want to date let me know, l may or may not be there. One thing that seemed clear was she was not going to dump E anytime soon to go out with me, even though the relationship is going no where. She nodded and smiled and twice said to me to come and find her and ask her for a dance. Inside, I kinda new I had engineered my own result, probably out of not wanting to be in the maybe, maybe not situation again. I dunno.

 

I am very keen on K, I fancy her, like her and want to get to know her and I hate the fact I am chasing once more. We are electric together. The body language is very flirty and very positive and she keeps sneaking glances at me as I do her.

 

But am I being played? Am I on a path to nowhere? The dating with the blonde is going to go nowhere because of age difference, it is just dating. I want to go out with K but how do I play it from now on? I was planning on next Thursday, going along and being my normal happy smiley self, dance with a load of ladies, dance with K and flirt as normal the maybe take her outside for a brief chat, explain to her I was a little bit moody last week and say sorry for not letting her explain the Not a No thing more thoroughly and not put words in her mouth like I done last week. Tell her, if she wants to get together for a bit of fun when she finishes with E to look me up.

 

Should I do this? What would you do? Am I being played? Thankyou ahead of time. K has got under my skin a bit. After that rather strange week, my emotions and mood are back to normal and now I need to plan on what to do next Thursday and how to play it from now on.

 

Any advice would be most welcome.

[ComputerGuy]

I say if your keen enough, go with it and see what happens. However tread lightly, because although she say she is not in a relationship with this guy, she might be and just looking for something on the side. I could be completely wrong of course but her signals are about as mixed and confusing as it gets. So yeah, just be careful.

 

Good luck

[CarterJonas]

Hello fellow uk'er.

 

To me K sounds like a natural flirty person? It's not for me to really comment but is she the type of person that likes male attention? Remember I could be totally wrong as you will know her a lot better than I do, I only go on what you say

 

I assume the relationship with E must be an open relationship then? If I was you, I would now leave the ball in her court. Do not chase her anymore, she knows you already like her and if there is no sign of her finishing with E, the last thing you want to do is end up in a relationship with her and E.

 

So play Thursday cool, by all means dance with her if you want to, but do not give her any more attention than any of the other girls and she what her reaction is!

 

If you can't see a future with this other blonde then it is probably best to finish things with her, before her feeling are hurt. Don't let age difference put you off though.

[Mun]

Hi Spartan,

Well I'm glad that you are out there again .

 

I think you should be careful with K. She says she has not dated in 5 years, my goodness that is a long time. I think she is committment-phobic ( yes it happens to women too). If you are looking for a serious long-term relationship then maybe you should look somewhere else.

 

She is already playing some sort of game and you haven't even gone on a first date--not a good sign. You see how she is playing with you while she is already dating E? Not good. She is here and there and not really anywhere ( I sound like Dr. Seuss ).

 

Enjoy the flirting, but don't put too much stock into something serious with her. If you are not thinking monogamy or serious relationship then keep on and have a good time. Good luck !

[Mun]

Ohhhh, I had to add something. You are willing to drop the blonde for her, but you notice she is NOT willing to drop anyone for you? Again this is not good. She seems to enjoy all the attention from you, but doesn't want to put any effort herself.

 

Now take a good guess at how this situation would play out. Who do you think would be the one giving all in a relationship like this? and who do you think would just be taking and not giving back( and keeping other options open)? Who do you think would end up feeling hurt and used?