nice guys finish last?

[Amannamederic]

It seems to be a huge thing these days, is this whole "nice guys are boring" thing really true to girls, it might just be teenage girls but for the most part ive always been dumped for different kinds of guys. I dont get it is being mean to a girl sexy to her? Ive yet to yell at a girl and probably wont because i just cant see myself yelling period (im about as quiet and laid back as it gets) and ive been called boring because i dont initiate fights or arent the life of everything we go to i dont know, its just starting to confuse me so if anybody has an answer to that question id love to hear it haha thanks.

 

-Eric

[SteveNaive]

Well...seems someone got the same problem that I have. I found something on the web which explains this "nice guy syndrome". Well...it´s not really that. And although this thing sounds harsh, I wouldn´t believe every word of it. But still...there is some truth to this...unfortunately...

 

 

 

 

 

Source (hyperlink) available on request. I am sorry I can't give it here because enotalone won't let me print it. So if anyone feels I infringed their copyright, pls let me know...lawyers, bloody

[avman]

So if anyone feels I infringed their copyright, pls let me know...lawyers, bloody

 

LOL. Just in case you think we are overly paranoid - read this: link removed

[Amannamederic]

yeah i have to say that was pretty harsh to read but hey, some of it is true in my case:

 

OR, they are so shy and unassertive, that they hang around pretending to be "friends", in the hope that somehow, someway, they will get the courage up to ask her out for a "date".

 

They are so desperate to please that they put aside their own needs, and place the object of their desire on a pedestal. Instead of appreciating her, they worship her. We are only human, and pedestals are narrow, confining places to be -- not to mention the fact that we tend to fall off of them.

 

Nice Guys rarely speak up when something bothers them, and rarely state clearly what it is they want, need and expect. They fear that any kind of conflict might spell the end of the relationship. Instead of comprimising and negotiating, they repeatedly "give in". When she doesn't appreciate their sacrifice, they will complain that, "Everything I did, I did for her.", as if this somehow elevates them to the status of martyrs. A woman doesn't want a martyr. She wants an equal, caring, adult partner.

 

those three are the ones that really stand out to me, so any ideas on how to get out of this frame of mind? It cant be as simple as just stopping haha.

 

-Eric

[YNP8112]

You shouldn't have to become the life of the party just to please your girlfriend because.........is she the life of the party when you go out? Girls are very confusing and I'm sure guys can be too. They don't know what they want. I think people just get bored with a relationship and try to find faults to rationalize the end of it. I know I have been characterized as the "nice guy" since I'm laid back and don't get all freaked out about small things in life. Why stress the small things.....just enjoy being yourself and eventually you'll find someone who likes that.

[SteveNaive]

Hey avman...nice one... But I should know about them lawyers anyway...I am one...lol

 

@mach5pa:

just enjoy being yourself

That is exactly what I was trying to say. There is a difference between a sensitive and a "nic" guy. The nice guy does not like who he is and thus makes himself dependent. He only enjoys himslf if he is around a girl. He does not appreciate, but worships the woman of his choice... So the song remains the same: The "nice guy" finishes last...the sensitive one doesn´t

 

@Amannamederic: How to get out there? Hmm...how should I know, I´m stuck as well. Too stable, too boring, too nice. So, obviously the only way out is to grow a spine. So if anyone out there could tell me how to do that?! Please? lol...

[Mix Maxster]

Tell you HOW to do it?

 

Well see the THING is if you're asking this so you know how to act around women then you should take everything that was said in that nice long page of information on "nice guys" and know that it's a certain kind of nice guy that women are turned off from. Yes the kind of nice guy described in that huge page shows neediness, desperation, worshipness, etc. - you get the idea.

 

Some guys think that most men will not treat women like goddesses and so it would be nice for a change that you do something other guys don't do or don't do on a regular basis. THIS SETS YOU UP FOR disaster. Why? Because at first a woman WILL like it and may grow to think it's very sweet, but when it's done ALL THE FRIGGIN time it gets OLD and USED and it's not the same anymore. Your behaviour becomes very predictable and boring and so the spark that was once there starts going away or is gone completely.

 

How do you change? That depends on how determined you are to fix who you are. YOU HAVE to realize that the nice guy described DOES NOT WORK to your advantage so much, YOU MAY get lucky and find a women who will like it but they may USE you too so look out. If you're ready to want to be everything but the "nice guy" also know that there's a difference between being a "nice guy" a nice guy and an arrogant b@stard. Not being a "nice guy does not mean become a huge wreckless non-caring jerk, do NOT get that confused.

 

What you should learn to do is practice situations in your head or infront of a mirror of what you think is appropriate and at the same time would throws off women. I've found out, thanks to my ex that WOMEN RARELY stick to their word when they say somethings and that you can't always go by what they say. Just because you make fun of her in a nice way doesn't mean you actually believe that, you're just poking fun at the fact that she doesn't think very highly about certain aspects of her.

 

So this doesn't get too long like it has already, just realize that everything mentioned in that huge page of stuff on "nice guys" can be used to your advantage. The stuff a nice guy WORKS IF he's confident, non-needy and can control himself in every situation. At the first sign of weakness - giving in when she throws a hissy fit or something and you try to say "i'm sorry" and try to help her - the women will feel like this guy doesn't get that doing that sort of thing really does look weak in their minds. Just remember to have the BEST qualities of a "nice guy" and a jerk, by this I mean the ones that are most successful with women and will have them staying with you unlike our exes lol.

 

I can make a negative and positive list of both if that helps anyone?

[cassiana]

My ex considers himself a nice guy. Everyone who met him, included me considered him a nice guy. Nice guys often end up with pushy women, but I'm very easygoing. I did things he wanted, never nagged etcetc. we had a great 3 months and he dumped me, saying he enjoyed his own company but reiterated many times what a nice guy was.

So maybe lots of people who think they are nice guys aren't or maybe nice guys is a term that lazy spineless guys use to describe themselves and all they secretly want is a pushy girl that will do the thinking for them and whom they can pin the blame on when they want to get out of stuff. For example telling the guys that you can't go camping or help them move because the pushy girlfriend won't let you, when actually you have never told her.

just a thought.

 

I miss my "nice guy" but if he comes back it will be "no more miss nice girl from me"

[cassiana]

If a guy gives a girl everything, it can be creepy, like he's trying to buy your loyalty and affection.

My case was different. My ex knew how to hold an umbrella over my head and ring to see if I was safe, but this is fake if a day later he dumps you. Now I hold my own umbrella and take myself home safely.

I judge a guy nice by his real deeds. My Ex told me he was considering starting a mens group because there had been a spate of suicides in his area. He didn't. He told me when he dumped me that he had little sympathy for me because he had been dumped himself. He told my friend that he felt bad about it.

What I'm trying to say is that some people think that if they remember birthdays, give money to beggars and hold umbrellas they are nice people. But some people then go out and cheat on their spouses and backstab their friends. Their paltry acts of charity are done to delude themselves and others.

Some guys who think they are nice may be just, lazy, indecisive or manipulative. My ex had been ill and used pity to get his way. Ive been sick so im too ill to date you etc etc,

[the_tiger_striped_cat]

nice guy is such a weak term. Let me tell you that a "nice guy" in not necessarily a man who

 

Gives flowers to women on a monthly basis (not regularly).

Opens doors for her and be a gentleman.

Writes poetry to her and letters of proclamation of love.

Is the most romantic/loving man she has ever met.

 

These people do not NECESSARILY suffer from "nice guy syndrome." The key has always been confidence. There are three types of women:

 

1) Women that would stay with a nice guy who lacked confidence

2) Women that would stay with a nice guy who had confidence.

3) Women that would still stay with a real **sh***

 

 

So it does depend on the girl. There is not much you can do about women of type 3. Not only do some women like confident guys, some women actually like guys who treat them like jerks (like abusive bfs). Girls can get addicted to a guy as easily as a guy can get addicted to a girl. But many times it is the guys fault. Female friends of the guy will say things like, "He is such a nice guy, he has such bad luck--but I wouldn't date him, he's not my type." This is a "nice guy."

 

If you extrude confidence in a, "I know that I'm better than any man out there and you are luckily to find someone like me" attitude then the fact that you are extremely romantic and put her first can ONLY help to make you great person in her eyes. If she does leave you, it's not because you're one of those "nice guys" it's because she has serious problems.

 

So how do you show confidence? Now women will tell you all the qualities they want in a man: humor, romance, intelligence, attractiveness, can communicate well. And they may even admit that they like confident men, but they can't tell you why it's such a turn on to them. You see we have to appeal to their subconscious/ primal needs. They ideally also want a man that:

-can protect them

-is strong

-can provide for them

-will make a good father

-is mature

 

Now you can have all the conscience desires but if you lack something she desires subconscious she will be drawn away from you. Now many of these primal desires are inferred by many to be qualities of a confident man. So you can make her desire you on an entirely different level.

 

Now the biggest mistake many make are to come on too strong too soon. It's completely OK to tell her how you would die without her, or you couldn't live without her. But you wouldn't do this on the first date woudl you? She needs to be assured of your confidence, your strength in yourself before she's willing to listen to your romance.

 

This is why women will dump "nice guys" real fast, and keep the confident (yet not romantic guy) for a long time. This confidence is almost a prerequisite to what they desire on a more conscious level. But they will keep the confident man who is only sometimes romantic for a lifetime.

 

It's a hard thing to do. And it's almost weird at times. It's like females have a built in primal sense to know when a man really is a strong man. So you need to project an aura of confidence. Good luck guys.

[Mix Maxster]

Another point I'd like to add is that mostly all women are insecure with themselves, "nice guys" generally send off all kinds of alarms in these womens heads BECAUSE THESE GUYS appear to do ANYTHING for them because they're too insecure. Being clingy or needy shows these women that this guy thinks he's really lucky to have her and is doing whatever he feels he can possibly do to keep her. To her that shows desperation, it's those kinds of things that show hidden meaning to them. A guy who is a really nice guy, but is INDEPENDENT shows her that he can live his life without her, but will do things periodically that will make her happy and know she has someone she can trust.

 

Generally the "nice guys" show all the bad qualities that women are afraid to live with. It's a nice combination of crap really as what generally comes from "nice guys" is desperation, clingyness, low or no confidence, low or no self-respect, no or low self-esteem, etc. It's those bad qualities that might make her aware of her own problems of those things OR that it shows SHE IS STRONGER THAN the guy she's dating. SHE doesn't want to have to defend herself from others, she doesn't want to think you have to do all these things to keep her, etc. It's those things that cause these women to dump "nice guys".