ks240030 Posted April 10, 2011 Share Posted April 10, 2011 It has been officially 1 month of NC with my ex. Right now I am feeling ok and I want to keep it that way. I know that this good feeling will pass because I have been going back and forth since grief is cyclical. I can honestly say that I do not want my ex even if he comes back to my life. The worst part was that I physically wanted him so badly because our physical connection was so explosive but for the 1st time I can honestly say that I do not want him anymore. My skin crawl even thinking about it. I am ready now for someone special and want to settle down with me. But I am going to take my time because I do NOT WANT another commitment phobe. I am now willing to wait for someone who knows what he wants. Link to comment
MissingSparkle Posted April 10, 2011 Share Posted April 10, 2011 Did we date the same guy??? lol j/k my ex was phenomenal in bed as well as didn't want to commit (i wonder if there is some sort of connection to that) in the beginning of our break up i can honestly say the only reason i was still around was for that reason once we stop completely it was like a drug, i started going mentally crazy the more he kept it from me. i sometimes feel like this is the only reason i still even care, and maybe if i was just to go have a casual relationship with someone else i'd be over it, but i can't even think about someone else touching me. i wish i was were you are right now with knowing you don't want him...because i feel like i'm still going through withdrawals Link to comment
ks240030 Posted April 10, 2011 Author Share Posted April 10, 2011 I somehow connected my need for someone to commit to me with the physical side of my brain. I will not settle for anything less. I somehow linked that I must love myself more than for instant physical gratification. I also always remember that in a way, my ex took advantage of our physical connection and used that not to commit. Link to comment
MissingSparkle Posted April 10, 2011 Share Posted April 10, 2011 LMAO, so did my ex, he would always make reference to it too saying, this is why your here (while grabbing his stuff). but what made you connect those to things? what was the revelation or thought process? Link to comment
ks240030 Posted April 10, 2011 Author Share Posted April 10, 2011 I think it started that I just got a new job with a huge salary increase. That raised my self esteem. Then I went to a happy hour and I dressed like a million bucks and I flirted with someone and got a marriage proposal (it was a joke) and that raised my self esteem more. For the time being, I am being very self centered even though my nature is to be selfless and to help others. It is the one time in my life that I am not thinking of anyone but myself. I have to be selfish in this period of time. I am loving myself more than other people. Instant physical gratification comes and goes but if you love yourself it will last a lifetime. Link to comment
ks240030 Posted April 10, 2011 Author Share Posted April 10, 2011 Also, I re-arranged my place and it looks really nice. It is the little things that makes you feel different. Link to comment
MissingSparkle Posted April 11, 2011 Share Posted April 11, 2011 i feel crazy because i can completely identify with you but the thought of my ex giving someone else what he gave me drives me insane. so much so that i can't even think sexually about anyone, when i do i immediately feel sick. when i can reach the point that it wouldn't bother me who my ex is with sexually, then i know it'll be time for me to get back out there again. Link to comment
stacy2 Posted April 11, 2011 Share Posted April 11, 2011 i feel crazy because i can completely identify with you but the thought of my ex giving someone else what he gave me drives me insane. so much so that i can't even think sexually about anyone, when i do i immediately feel sick. when i can reach the point that it wouldn't bother me who my ex is with sexually, then i know it'll be time for me to get back out there again. Wow, I relate to this so much right now, especially knowing that my ex has a new girl in his life. The thing I miss the most about him is how intense and effortless our physical connection was, I'm afraid I'm not going to be able to find anyone else who satisfies me in that department as much as he did. Link to comment
fire2therain Posted April 11, 2011 Share Posted April 11, 2011 Wow, I relate to this so much right now, especially knowing that my ex has a new girl in his life. The thing I miss the most about him is how intense and effortless our physical connection was, I'm afraid I'm not going to be able to find anyone else who satisfies me in that department as much as he did. God i relate to this so much! I hope that I'll be able to find someone that I was so physically connected to. KS- Yeah I've heard that moving things around is very theraputic (sp?) in a "new life" sort of way. Link to comment
MissingSparkle Posted April 11, 2011 Share Posted April 11, 2011 God i relate to this so much! I hope that I'll be able to find someone that I was so physically connected to. Me too omg i could cry thinking about it. Link to comment
fire2therain Posted April 11, 2011 Share Posted April 11, 2011 we definitely will in time. I know it might be awhile for me because i'm still getting over my ex. Link to comment
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