hippychick11 Posted March 25, 2011 Share Posted March 25, 2011 I am new to this forum and was so relieved when I found a place where people don't criticize you for wanting to meet someone from the internet. This is my first long term internet relationship, we have been talking for 3 years now and I'm really excited about meeting him, but also very nervous. I haven't misled him at all, I have shown him current and realistic photos so that I'm not concerned about. It's just whether we have that chemisty. He wants to meet me for coffee which I think is fine considering I like coffee and it's a good place to sit, relax and talk. Has anyone got any advice? Im travelling for a holiday to his country America and I am from Australia. Link to comment
Starrgrl Posted March 25, 2011 Share Posted March 25, 2011 wow three years. Just be safe, check to make sure he is who he says he is, update family n friends on where you are lol at all times. Have fun! Link to comment
ibu Posted March 25, 2011 Share Posted March 25, 2011 Yay, this is so exciting!! Have you guys had other contact (phone calls, video chat,...) besides an exchange of photos? I had known my penpal (that I developed feelings for and he reciprocated) for over a year and a half before I met him. We had every possible form of contact (snail mail, e-mail, texting, phone call, exchange of pictures, videos, video chat, etc..), so I had a pretty good idea about who he was and how he would be to meet for real. Still didn't take away the fact that I was a bit nervous to meet him because you never know if that chemistry is going to be there. But all that nervousness flew iright out the door from the moment I laid eyes on him. He was exactly the same as in our online convo, and the chemistry was definitely there But I agree with Starrgrl....meet him in a public place first, go for coffee, let friends and family know where you are, etc. And have fun!! Link to comment
hippychick11 Posted March 25, 2011 Author Share Posted March 25, 2011 It would normally be exciting but I've just broken up with him, so I won't be meeting him anymore It really upset me that he didn't share the same excitement and interest in me coming there, he never would ask me what days I was going to be there or where I would be travelling to, nothing. I have a gut feeling he's hiding something like that he has another woman. I mean we were really close, we talked for almost 5 hours every night and had talked on phone, web cams, IM. We always talked romantically and said 'i love you' every time we said good night, he could be really sweet and nice. I just don't get it! Do you find it weird he didn't want to know about me coming there? He did however mention meeting for coffee but it wasn't a set plan. Link to comment
Starrgrl Posted March 25, 2011 Share Posted March 25, 2011 ...wow. =( not another one of those guys who are so insecure they need constant stimulation and emotional comfort. So they get emotional comfort from several girls without ever intending to get serious with them. you must feel so hurt hun. Link to comment
minerva82 Posted March 26, 2011 Share Posted March 26, 2011 In some ways, your story sounds a bit like mine. We also talked about meeting, he even promised me we would and told me it was going to be so much fun. But now he hasn't communicated with me in a month. I think your guy is cruel when he shows no real interest in your coming, considering how much time you two spent talking and the long way you'd be travelling. If you're still able to communicate with him, definitely try to make him tell you why is he behaving this way, if nothing else so at least to give you some well-deserved explanation. Link to comment
hippychick11 Posted March 26, 2011 Author Share Posted March 26, 2011 You're all going to get so sick of me posting messages but I really need your advice. Today he sent me a messaging saying that he can only offer me a coffee if we're both in the same place and then followed by saying he was 'sorry to disappoint me'. He said he has a lot on his plate at the moment and I DO feel sorry for him, I love him and his happiness means a lot to me, I just wished he felt the same about me. Should I meet him for coffee if he does suggest it again or should I break up with him because you can obviously see he isn't serious about me, I'm making such an effort to come and see him but he can only offer me an hour of his time for coffee... Link to comment
Starrgrl Posted March 26, 2011 Share Posted March 26, 2011 You guys talked all the time for THREE YEARS. You're flying overseas to see him and he can't even offer more than a coffee date? Wow =( I know you love him but he obviously is playing you =/ probably has a gf but needs other girls to feed his ego... You're worth so much more than this. Stay broken up, find somebody who will cherish you so much you'll feel blessed everyday. Link to comment
ibu Posted March 26, 2011 Share Posted March 26, 2011 Agreed with Starrgrl. You've invested 3 years in this guy, you're making a huge effort to go traveling to his country and "he has a lot on his plate", so he can only offer you coffee and he's not even excited about you coming to meet him? Please. You did the right thing by breaking up with him. The guy should be jumping up and down about the news. He should be making plans to show you around, and have a good time with you. That's what my guy did, anyway, when I said it was possible for us to meet. Link to comment
hippychick11 Posted March 26, 2011 Author Share Posted March 26, 2011 I really think I will regret it if I don't meet him and maybe meeting for coffee is a nice, casual, relaxed way to meet someone you have never seen face-to-face before? I remember this one conversation we had about this a few weeks ago and he said that he didn't want any pressure, that I might not like him. He is self conscious about his appearance and says that I'm 'out of his league' all the time. I can't be mad at him about this if we keep talking because I know that will make it akward and not change anything...you can't guilt someone into wanting to be with you lol, I just need to get over it and accept it's never going to be that way. I've started to think that it's his loss, we could have had a really good time. Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted March 26, 2011 Share Posted March 26, 2011 It sounds like he may have met someone else, and is trying to let you down gently. I think you'd only be setting yourself up for heartache by traveling that amount of distance,to visit someone who is already checking out. Link to comment
hippychick11 Posted March 27, 2011 Author Share Posted March 27, 2011 He sent me a message a couple of days ago which I should reply to but I'm so mad and I don't even know how to be civil to him now I kind of believe it's not his fault, I mean he has offered to meet me for coffee...I dont even understand WHY I am mad, has he done anything wrong? It was ME who booked the plane ticket, not him. I really need to just go there for a holiday and a new experience, not having this relationship as the only reason. Link to comment
ibu Posted March 27, 2011 Share Posted March 27, 2011 I really think I will regret it if I don't meet him and maybe meeting for coffee is a nice, casual, relaxed way to meet someone you have never seen face-to-face before? I remember this one conversation we had about this a few weeks ago and he said that he didn't want any pressure, that I might not like him. He is self conscious about his appearance and says that I'm 'out of his league' all the time. I can't be mad at him about this if we keep talking because I know that will make it akward and not change anything...you can't guilt someone into wanting to be with you lol, I just need to get over it and accept it's never going to be that way. I've started to think that it's his loss, we could have had a really good time. You are making excuses for him already. Don't. Link to comment
minerva82 Posted March 27, 2011 Share Posted March 27, 2011 He sent me a message a couple of days ago which I should reply to but I'm so mad and I don't even know how to be civil to him now I kind of believe it's not his fault, I mean he has offered to meet me for coffee...I dont even understand WHY I am mad, has he done anything wrong? It was ME who booked the plane ticket, not him. I really need to just go there for a holiday and a new experience, not having this relationship as the only reason. Since you already have the ticket, and he knows you're coming and all, then I would definitely meet him for coffee. I think you'd regret it if you don't, regardless of how cold he has been towards you. Link to comment
kelless Posted March 28, 2011 Share Posted March 28, 2011 OP, I say go and just meet him. I can't guarantee the outcome but with online communications, it's difficult to truly grasp what a person's intentions are. The only way to find out is to see him in person. Since you are going to US anyway, you might as well just meet him, what have you got to lose? Link to comment
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