Quart-life crisis AKA feeling like a failure

[Moontiger]

Hey ENA, I could really use some support/advice right now.

 

I am going through a quart-life crisis.

 

I graduated from college in May and was working as an assistant manager of a clothing store to get by. To make a long story short, I was not happy with my life and was pretty depressed to the point where some days I just didn’t want to get out of bed.

 

My sister offered for me to move in with her and work as a live in nanny. I figured moving to a new city and being around family would be a good change and get me out of slump so I said yes. At that time I got in contact with a friend of my sister-in-law’s, this person said they had a (paid) internship available and that it was mine if I wanted it. Everything was pointing in a good direction.

 

So, I told the two people I was living with at the time, they fully supported me. Had no problem with me breaking the lease, I packed up all my stuff and made the big move (they are such great friends!!). I have been living with my sister for three months now and I just feel so lost and like a failure.:sad:

 

The internship fell through, I then got a temp job that I was at for only a month, I can’t afford to get my own place yet, I have zero social life, and I have not been on a date in about a year.

 

I used to me a highly motivated person, always on the go, but in the last few years I have just not felt very excited about anything. I seem to have zero energy, no motivation, just cannot get my act together.

 

Things I have been doing to try and improve my situation

 

1) I have done a ton of informational interviews in the field I want to go into, I always leave my resume and make it clear I am looking for something (paid or unpaid)

2) Taking “mini” course (six-week classes) to try and meet people

3) Joined a gym

4) Tried online dating, just to give an idea of what that was like: one guy sent me a message saying, “cum on over, I hav some billz for you.” (direct quote)

 

 

Words of wisdom anyone?

[oasisrob22]

Hey moontiger,

 

I like everything you've been doing so far. I too, had somewhat of a mini quarter-life crisis. I graduated in December, got a job a month after, a new car, and I was STILL freaking out. I did the online dating thing, and while I'm not the biggest supporter, I do think it boosts your confidence just to talk to several people on there.

 

My advice to you is to keep doing what you're doing. Follow up on the interviews a week to ten days later if you haven't heard anything. Employers like (polite) persistence. Keep working out at the gym to stay in shape. Keep doing your courses. Pick up another hobby or two. Best of luck!

[2much2early]

You touched on a few topics here (social, dating, career, school) and I think they all relate to the quarter-life crisis feeling. I'm right around your age and occasionally feel the same way. I think (I'm still working this out) that I feel this way when I have less control over my life. Up to this point everything has been very planned, similar to a treadmill. You got on when started preschool and have just recently gotten off. Now you're faced with an endless amount of possibilities....or are you? I think the media seriously distorts our expectations of life and what it can offer. I truly believe everyone is capable of great things, but those come at a price and a serious amount of work/dedication. I believe most people go through school as average, but are led to believe they are extraordinary. It creates this "quarter-life crisis" because we are starting to face the reality of our situation. Similar to a "mid-life crisis" where an older person comes to terms with the fact that they didn't live the exciting and thrilling life they expected so they go out and buy a motorcycle or something to attempt to relive it. It's a difference between expectations and reality (an issue with perspective).

 

There is a lot of discussion in my company specific to recruitment regarding our generation. The company holds meetings, training sessions and even conferences where they bring in specialists to help recruit and manage recent graduates. The feedback throughout the company is a serious disconnect between generations. The strongest word that has been used to describe our generation is entitlement. As a manager in this generation I am grateful to be able to see both perspectives. I have recruited (attempted to...) and managed this generation while also being managed as a person in this generation. It has made me more aware of my distorted perspective.

 

You're doing very positive things that can help address what you're feeling. I would suggest continuing to do so, but I would also spend some time reflecting on your expectations and perspective of your life. Are you realistic in all areas you mentioned above (social, dating, career, school)? Everything you describe about those topics sound very normal to me (sadly even the direct quote).

 

Keep at it, stay positive and take some time to reflect.

[Moontiger]

Thanks for the kind words guys! It made me feel a lot better. I'll just keep chugging along, what else can I do, right?

[mia616]

Hey Moontiger... I am your age and in a similar situation. I definitely feel you on the quarter life crisis. I do have a full time job that I like on most days... But I still feel stuck because I owe so much money on my student loans. I live at home still because I couldn't afford to live on my own unless with roommates and I've already done that! I go to the gym like you to relieve stress, and I do have a boyfriend but he lives about an hour away so we see each other on the weekends. But I still feel like everyone around me is getting married and having babies!!! It is definitely tough! Hang in there, it will get better I hope!