compwhiz345 Posted March 5, 2011 Share Posted March 5, 2011 Hi, hopefully someone can help me. I went out tonight to a bar/dance club tonight. I was confident that I would have a good night and get to dance with some women, but almost women I went to me or was not interested. I thought maybe they were just stuck up, but other guys were able easily start dancing with them and accepted them. What was I doing wrong? Did I screw up somehow by approaching them them the wrong way? Thanks. Link to comment
cursedgirl Posted March 5, 2011 Share Posted March 5, 2011 well. if you are cute you dont need much of a skill to get girls. skills arent that important. but anyway...keep trying. you will eventually get luck. Link to comment
makayla Posted March 5, 2011 Share Posted March 5, 2011 lol in bars, girls just go over to cute guys. Link to comment
Shnoodle Posted March 5, 2011 Share Posted March 5, 2011 How dare these women in clubs c*ck-block you. Just them being there to have a good time, means they are obligated to go home and sleep with you, right? It's probably the way you are carrying yourself that is putting women off, if you are not visually offensive. Link to comment
compwhiz345 Posted March 6, 2011 Author Share Posted March 6, 2011 I tried again tonight. I figured it was better than just going home after work and not even giving it a try. I just went up and trying to dance around them to see if one dances or even notices me. Nothing really happened in my favor. They just looked at me and looked and danced or walked. So apparently I am doing something wrong here. If I dance alone as a guy I look like a fool. This seriously sucks, because it's just reassuring me that i'm really in deep s*** when it comes to picking up women or even trying to just have some fun and meet people. How do I do this without coming off as a creep?!?! ](*,) Link to comment
JadeArdor Posted March 6, 2011 Share Posted March 6, 2011 Relax. You're putting too much thought into it. Are you with friends? Are you having a good time with them? Nine times out of ten, it's a lot easier to approach/be approached if you're in a group and having a good time. If you wanna talk to someone, don't hesitate- or at least don't telegraph your interest. (It helps to talk to the person you're not interested in first; you'll get some practice in, and you'll loosen up too. Or better still, you can have a friend to back you up.) You'll do just fine, what matters is that you're comfortable with yourself, and present yourself as the best man you can be for the time being. Link to comment
bostonbruins44 Posted March 6, 2011 Share Posted March 6, 2011 well. if you are cute you dont need much of a skill to get girls. skills arent that important. but anyway...keep trying. you will eventually get luck.Don't agree.If you aren't approaching women and are doing the wallflower routine it won't matter how cute you are. Link to comment
cursedgirl Posted March 6, 2011 Share Posted March 6, 2011 Don't agree.If you aren't approaching women and are doing the wallflower routine it won't matter how cute you are. there will be girls throwing themselves to him Link to comment
carra Posted March 6, 2011 Share Posted March 6, 2011 there will be girls throwing themselves to him LOL! Now that would be nice for a change Link to comment
cursedgirl Posted March 6, 2011 Share Posted March 6, 2011 LOL! Now that would be nice for a change i actually see that a lot in clubs. Link to comment
carra Posted March 6, 2011 Share Posted March 6, 2011 Well I'm not saying it NEVER happens (though it's rare compared to guys approaching). The problem is that it always happens to the same guys. The proportion is small, but I have a friend like this. He picks up girls without even having to do anything. But, for the rest of us? Don't count on it. The other 90% of men seldom (if ever) have that happen to them. In 29 years it hasn't happened to me, so that gives you an idea. Link to comment
cursedgirl Posted March 6, 2011 Share Posted March 6, 2011 Well I'm not saying it NEVER happens (though it's rare compared to guys approaching). The problem is that it always happens to the same guys. The proportion is small, but I have a friend like this. He picks up girls without even having to do anything. But, for the rest of us? Don't count on it. The other 90% of men seldom (if ever) have that happen to them. In 29 years it hasn't happened to me, so that gives you an idea. i also said you have to be cute, to get girls approaching you. Link to comment
compwhiz345 Posted March 6, 2011 Author Share Posted March 6, 2011 Don't agree.If you aren't approaching women and are doing the wallflower routine it won't matter how cute you are. No, I didn't go with a group of friends. Most of mine are off at college, and i'm somewhere else. So I did go by myself both times. What is the wallflower routine? Link to comment
SpottiOtti Posted March 7, 2011 Share Posted March 7, 2011 I don't think it's unattractive to see a guy dancing by himself. Especially if he's a good dancer. When I've been out at clubs and guys have approached me that I've turned down, it's because they do something that offends me (like dance right up to me and grab my waist or something), or because I didn't find them attractive. The ones that have had success with me come up and dance in my vicinity until I notice them, we exchange looks, check each other out, then one of us makes the approach. "Hey, I'm so and so" is usually a good line to break the ice, or something playful regarding the other person's dancing skills. Good luck! I know it sucks not having a lot of people in your area, and trying to get out and do stuff regardless. Link to comment
bish0p2004 Posted March 7, 2011 Share Posted March 7, 2011 A few things. The club is a very difficult place to meet women if you don't have looks or social status; so you can either improve your body, or make tons of friends and be the coolest guy in the group. If you don't want to do this, try a different venue such as yoga classes, dance classes, etc. Also, a wallflower is someone who goes to a club and stands by the wall most of the time and never doing anything besides looking at others. Finally, girls do approach guys in clubs. I've seen it happen to other guys and it has happened to me multiple times. Link to comment
carra Posted March 7, 2011 Share Posted March 7, 2011 The club is a very difficult place to meet women if you don't have looks or social status; so you can either improve your body, or make tons of friends and be the coolest guy in the group. If you don't want to do this, try a different venue such as yoga classes, dance classes, etc. While there is truth to this, I have also found that often women will be less receptive to advances in these settings, because they just went there for the activity and don't want anyone to flirt with them there. I saw this happen even in salsa lessons, where you might think the chances are best. Finally, girls do approach guys in clubs. I've seen it happen to other guys and it has happened to me multiple times. You are one of the lucky ones, kudos to you then. But let's not pretend this is the case for most guys. Most men my age that I have known hadn't had this happen to them more than a couple times in their life. Others, not a single time. Link to comment
bostonbruins44 Posted March 7, 2011 Share Posted March 7, 2011 It's not enough to just be ''cute''.You also have to be approachable.If you are shy/withdrawn ,acting like a wallflower ,women will not approach you no matter how cute you are. Link to comment
bostonbruins44 Posted March 7, 2011 Share Posted March 7, 2011 i also said you have to be cute, to get girls approaching you. Cute and personable.I am cute but act withdrawn ,shy and timid .Not an attractive trait to women out at bars. Link to comment
rocio Posted March 7, 2011 Share Posted March 7, 2011 You need to find a male friend to go with. Once at the club, buy a bottle and wait for the women to flock to you looking for free alcohol. The women still won't be interested in you, but at least you'll have attention. Plus, you may even be able to get one of them drunk enough to come home with you. Link to comment
bish0p2004 Posted March 7, 2011 Share Posted March 7, 2011 While there is truth to this, I have also found that often women will be less receptive to advances in these settings, because they just went there for the activity and don't want anyone to flirt with them there. I saw this happen even in salsa lessons, where you might think the chances are best. Yeah, I've never tried these settings myself, just heard of people doing it. The only places I have tried approaching women is at clubs and random stores (grocery stores, malls, and similar places). You are one of the lucky ones, kudos to you then. But let's not pretend this is the case for most guys. Most men my age that I have known hadn't had this happen to them more than a couple times in their life. Others, not a single time. Unfortunately, looks play a large part when approaching women randomly. Still, even if you are good looking, not everyone will be receptive to your approach. Also, I've been criticized for this opinion, but for a guy, being muscular always helps in the looks department. The most attention I got was when I was extremely toned and you could tell I worked out. When I stopped, that attention decreased and I was rejected more often. Since starting again, I've put on a little muscle and I can already tell the difference (women look at me more often). I think besides making you look good, it gives you a sense of confidence due to testosterone being raised. I highly recommend this particular route as it makes life (in the dating world) much easier. Again, you're not going to attract everyone; however, you will attract more women. Link to comment
carra Posted March 7, 2011 Share Posted March 7, 2011 Also, I've been criticized for this opinion, but for a guy, being muscular always helps in the looks department. The most attention I got was when I was extremely toned and you could tell I worked out. When I stopped, that attention decreased and I was rejected more often. Since starting again, I've put on a little muscle and I can already tell the difference (women look at me more often). I share your opinion here. I wish I could try it, but there's no way I can have time for a gym now... Yes, leaner guys will definitely get more attention, and even when they have no social skills they can get away with it more easily. For the rest, even small mistakes are often enough to make women discard us. However I would be wary of women you meet that way. Would you say they are likely to stay with you if you have to leave the gym for whatever reason? what will happen when your muscles are not so shaped? Link to comment
bish0p2004 Posted March 8, 2011 Share Posted March 8, 2011 It is never guaranteed that someone will stay with you no matter what. Like most other things, it's a risk you take. Also, looks only get you in the door; personality and confidence in yourself will keep you in. Personality = Cool, laid back guy who has his emotions in check Confidence = trusting and loving yourself; as well as being able to walk away from those who disrespect you (friends and girlfriends), because you KNOW your worth Link to comment
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