How do i keep the NC rule going if she wont stop ringing??

[Danny1974]

HI,

I've been split up from my ex for a few months now,(she dumped me) she has a new fella blah blah blah..

She wants too remain friends and keep in touch which i would like to in time, but i need to get over her first though, ive been keeping to my part of the NC rule but she hasn't, she calls me and texts me about silly little things and makes up excuses to ring me, she tries to make small talk with me and always ask me how im keeping, but there's a big problem...

Her sister died in a car crash about 2 months ago, the same weekend she met her new fella, so she needs me too talk too cos he didnt know her or nothing about there family which i did as we was together for 4 years.

So how can i possibly say to her, look i would rather you didnt ring me etc cos i need to get over you first, when she calls me she likes to get stuff off her chest that WE can only talk about, it wouldn't be sooo bad if i didnt still love her to bits!!!

How can i possibley get over her when she needs me so much at the minute, but it kills me every time we speak, im at my wits end but i dont wanna be dred and tell her to leave me be, at the end of the day ive still got my health and ive lost love not a loved one

Please help!!

[hurtbylove]

Yes, you need to make it clear to her that now that the relationship is over, the boundaries are changing.

 

She can't have her cake and eat it too. She wants you to be there for her.. but what about when you want her?

 

Tell her that you are trying to get over her and to not contact you. Yes, it sucks that her sister died, but it's not fair for you to still be the shoulder she cries on when she has a new guy.

 

I think she should understand how you feel.

 

If it hurts you to talk to her, make it stop. Think about yourself.

[theghost]

here is what I think....tell her that you feel really bad, and also make it clear that your are not her shoulder, and tell her to go cry on her new shoulder, hopefully the guy will be driven away by this.

 

Also, when it come to her sisters funeral or memorial service, you should go, then you can try to get back with her then. Give her a kiss on the forehead, and tell her what you feel.

 

best wishes to you both.

[inrecognitionof...]

I agree with all of the above posts. Tell her you're sorry about what happened, be cklear about that, but also be clear about the fact that the relationship is gone. She's using you as someone she can come to who will listen to her problems, nothing more. I say keep the contact cut off.