What is happening to me.

[Del]

Is this normal.

 

Last year I started a new job, the happiest person in the world. I got to know a fellow colleague, a female. I wasn't attracted to her at all, but as time went on, I found I could talk to her, I still wasn't attracted to her. After Xmas, she told me I was a really funny person, and she had been looking forward to seeing me. I still wasn't attracted to her! At the end of our works course (in January) she seemed to get upset and asked me for a hug as we wouldn't see each other for 10 weeks, I gave her a hug, and my phone no. I still wasn't attracted to her. After 10 weeks, we saw each other again, she said something along the lines of 'you are the nicest colleague I have met'. I still wasn't attracted to her! but I did like to talk to her. So here I am now, in July, I have met up with her on a course in June, we all went out together in June on a works do. I have now realised this woman is an absolute Gem. She has been split from her boyfriend since March, I have found the woman I was not attracted to at all, has become the biggest crush in my life EVER. I am constantly thinking about her daily, we were talking on the phone last week, and she said I sounded down, so I told her why, I was attracted to her. she sent me a message back saying we would always be friends etc, I have since met her and we have talked. The problem is I have a partner and 6 year old son. I feel I am going thru a mid life crisis, but I just cannot get this woman who meant NOTHING to me last year out of my head. It has got to the point where it is destroying my life, is this normal. I am convinced this woman feels the same but will not reveal it as I am attached. P.S., it would take a lot for me to walk out on my partner, as I love her. Is this normal. Advice please.

[sensibleguy05]

ask yourself these questions....do I love my partner and my 6 year old son?do what is best for them...I know you are attracted to this friend of yours but it might just be because she is very nice and kind to you....a very good friend....just think of her as a friend and try not to think of her as someone your in love...you say you think about her all the time,try not to think about her all the time....think about your parter and son.....try not to see her often if this is killing you so bad....talk to her about it....not your partner but your friend.....thats all I can give of advice for now....hope it helps out some what

[CherryGrl]

Del, is there something going on with your partner that makes you more vulnerable now than you were last year? Do you have trouble talking with your partner? You said you like to talk to this woman and that's how the attraction apparently started.

 

You are walking on dangerous ground, as you obviously already realize. You say you love your partner and it would take a lot for you to leave your family. What you are playing with here is LOSING your family.

 

If this woman does not want to get involved with you because you are already in a relationship, I applaud her good sense. Don't encourage her. What do you have to offer her? Not much, unless you leave your partner. And even if you do, if you leave her for this woman there are bound to be repercussions in the new relationship. In fact, you need to stay away from her, no contact at all. You two cannot be friends, you are way too attracted to her.

 

Try concentrating on the relationship you are in for the time being. If you can find ways to improve that relationship so it fulfills your emotional needs, you won't be so vulnerable to this sort of temptation. If that relationship is not working for you, then leave before you get involved with someone new.

[Del]

Thanks for the advice here. I realise I have been stupid. I have decided to go down the N.C. route. It is the only way. As of today I have ceased contact totally. Still think about her, but I know it is the right thing to do. Six months from now I will probably feel ashamed I posted something like this.

 

P.S. What a great forum.

 

Del.

[WOC]

Hi Del,

First off you are not stupid. Sometimes we do things in life we just can't figure out. It makes sense to be attracted to someone else but we don't always have to act on our feelings as you have discovered. It also sounds like you are happy with your partner and child and that is what is important that you found out in the end . Take care and keep writing .

WOC