Wanting to work it out, but how?

[k33]

Hey all,

I've been whining on this board for a month now. I saw my "husband" (separated 6 weeks, not filed) yesterday for lunch and we got on great, even agreed to go out on Friday night for a "date" of sorts. I really still love him, I don't know what to think. We only talked about our relationship for a minute, I said something like who knows what will happen. And he said, well never say never, but I don't want to talk about it, it was nice not talking about it... So I dropped it.

 

When he was leaving he asked what I was doing tomorrow, today, and offered to come over and help me move some stuff around. (Dead car needs to move for the landlord)... and he seemed to be really happy to see me, as I was to see him...

 

I really do want us to get back together, we had one of those loves you only read about and say "yeah right, like that would happen" I don't want to push anything. And he seems more upset by everything than I am, I guess cause I am still holding out hope. What does it all mean? And what should I do not to freak him out? I really don't want to f--- up.

 

Any advice?

[sparkler624]

Well, since you guys are just separated there is still hope. If one of you wanted to end the realationship for good then the papers would have been filed. I'm not sure who wanted to start the seperation, but he seems to be confused (which I think is why he didn't want to talk about the realtionship). I would let him be the one to bring it up when he is ready. In the mean time live your life like normal, maybe make another 'date' with him to let him know that you still care about him. He will talk about it when he is ready, don't try to put your life on hold though. Good luck and hang in there.

[k33]

Thanks, that's sort of what I have been doing... but I do dwell a bit. Only natural I assume. I just really want it to work and I am so worried that I will chase him away by being needy or something...

[tRiKTa]

Hmm you don't want to push him away by being too needy yet you don't want to push him away by appearing to independent either you need to find a balance between the two. Be calm and just be yourself really, he sounds like he still has feelings for you as you are still going on dates, like sparkler said if there were no feelings left papers would have been filed. But perhaps he just needs some space. If he wants to come back he will come back when he is ready don't pressure him into anything just be yourself and take things one step at a time

[k33]

The confusion grows. I saw him yesterday and he was a little weird at first telling me to find someone new, and that he's already tried. I didn't bring it up. I said, I just want to get to know you. So we hung out a bit and things were good, we even made out a little. First time I've kissed him in 6 weeks and dang did it feel good!

 

So then he said he was confused. So that's good because he has been saying he doesn't want to get back but acting a bit like he does. So funnily enough I see confusion as a good sign. He also said that we were great boyfriend/girlfriend. So I said let's concentrate on that. He also said he's going to need some time to figure it out and I shouldn't expect to hear from him in the next couple of days.

 

So I said sure no problem, let me know if you can't make it on friday and he said he would definitely be there no matter what. Then he drove around the block just to wave to me, I was walking to get some food.

 

I am being independent and stuff, but not too. He knows how I feel I think. At this point I just want to see what happens. It could all fall apart again, but since we are married, I want to give it every chance I can.

 

Oh and neither of us are seeing anyone else, nor do we want to.

 

How do you think we are doing?

[tRiKTa]

Well by the sound of things, it sounds like you guys are progressing to restoring your marriage which is a really good thing good luck with that. But what you said about him being confused i don't really think that is a good thing. If he is confused this means he is not sure whether he wants to get back with you or not. It would not be good if you got back together and then everything repeated itself.

 

If everything seems to be going well then good hope for the best, but try to make sure that he is sure before taking things further to save further heartache.

[k33]

The confusion is a good thing, because he was dead set on not getting bacck together a couple of weeks ago. At least until we saw eachother. I think it is really easy in the beginning of a separation to vilify eachother. I know I was doing that with him, so I can only assume he was doing it with me. So when we were together we realized "oh yeah that's why we dug eachother!" But you know I am confused as well... So I am OK with confusion right now. Ask me again in a month!

 

I really hope we can get it back on track, but I am not holding time for him, if something comes up that I want to do, I am going to do it. I am planning on going out of state for a long weekend in August for a friend's birthday... concerts, plays stuff like that. I am not waiting by the phone for anyone. Because god know's he's not waiting for me.

 

Becasue I do know that it can all fall apart. The ball is totally in his court, but if there is one thing I remember from our relationship, if I step back he usually does what I want him to in the end.

 

I am pretty nervous about Friday. (we have a "date" to go to a movie and dinner) I am worried that he will A) cancel B) tell me he doesn't want to see me anymore C) Be wonderful... all three make me nervous.

[k33]

Ok I am freaking out again. I have come to the realization that I really miss being able to love him. You know telling him I love him, grabbing him and planting a kiss on him, cuddling up with him on the couch, laughing at the simpsons, playing antique roadshow (guessing the price... winner gets a really good prize! calling him in the middle of the day to say hi, going out to have a beer, walking the dog, etc... all that stuff. Kind of driving me nuts really...

 

So anywho...I haven't heard from him since Saturday and I knew I wouldn't. Luckily I was totally cool when that was going on at the time. Yeah sure see you on Friday. Now I am panicked that he won't show on Friday or something.

 

I could see him forgetting or flaking or something, as he is confused he may just not want to deal at all. I have my cute dress all picked out, cute, but not too cute. Looks fairly casual, but still very figure flattering if you know what I mean. But I don't want to be all dressed up and flaked on. YIKES. This is a tricky tango isn't it?

 

So I am wondering if I should call him tomorrow to verify. I don't want to get stood up, and if I am going to get stood up I want to make plans to do something else.

 

Help! What do you think?