Ex says he misses me ....

[Nixee]

Going to try to keep this as summed up and brief as possible...

 

My ex and I went out for just three months, but our feelings were quite strong right off the bat, and I even had the feeling that he was definitely someone I would be with for a very long time. I thought the feeling was quite mutual.....he certainly said it was and acted like it was at first - totally smitten. Suddenly things began to feel imbalanced between us... and he began to pull away a bit. We started to discuss things, and there was some pain (mostly on my part due to the pulling back), and confusion on his part, as he admitted he didn't fully understand it - though for awhile he said he wished to continue dating me and "see what happens", as though he was hoping his doubts/uneasiness/fears/whatever would leave.

 

Finally, about a month ago, things were pushed to their boiling point as I think I was just too hurt - feeling like I had begun putting in much more effort than him. We split up.

 

He insisted that he wanted to be friends with me. I told him I didn't think being "just friends" felt possible at that point with how hurt I felt and how unbalanced our feelings were. I told him that if he changed his mind and wanted to try again, to certainly tell me... otherwise things would need to be distanced for the time being.

 

In the following few weeks we have had only a couple instances of contact. I admit I was feeling emotional at least once in the beginning, but nothing was too bad. Another time he seemed hurt not so much by my contact, but by me saying previously that I "didn't want to be friends". So finally I let it set for a little bit and just told him that I DO think of him fondly.. and as a friend even.. but that I am just letting wounds heal. And then I sent him a friendly and light-hearted christmas card in the mail.

 

A couple days later I got an email from him that was very pleasant - thanking me for the card, and asking me how I have been. I responded - light-hearted again, and left it at that. A couple days later I sent him a text just saying that I did miss talking to him, and I hope we will be able to do that before too long.

He responded by saying he misses me too, and he hopes we can see each other soon.

 

I have to admit I wasn't expecting that response. To be honest... I wasn't sure I was even expecting any response (he is usually either slow to respond or very quiet in general). I feel I was just trying to be civil, and hopefully salvage our friendship in the long run. Though, yes... there are some feelings there still and I am trying to be cautious.

 

The primary reason for our breakup was that things moved too fast for him and he became unsure of his feelings. He never said they weren't there - he just needed to back off. In one post-breakup explanation email he mused about trying again with me and said that he does think about it and just worries about feeling unsure and confused still, and therefore dragging me through this emotional mess longer. Which I obviously don't want either.

 

I am wondering now... is it best for me to keep holding back and being cautious...wary of false hope? Or does he continue to respond and keep contact with me because he does still hold some feelings for me?

 

Does him missing me and wanting to see me indicate anything good? Or is it perhaps just loneliness and hoping for friendship that I need to be clear on?

[ForumGuy]

I think you should hold back and let him do the pursuing if you feel OK with it.

[FreedomRing]

Yeah, you've been the one making all the contact and he's only been responding. Fall back and see if he initates...

[lor90236]

i am in the same exact position as you. i've tried to be "friends" but sometimes i just break down and cant handle it. my ex is in the same place as yours..says he cares about me, gets upset when i dont want to be friends, but is confused. the best thing that has helped is that were both there for each other. i miss him everyday, but going on with a normal (single) life helps with the pain. also, your ex may come around, so staying in contact may help, but make sure youre not the only one putting in all the effort.

 

its hard to tell about the contact situation...

he could be contacting you just to be friends, but it sounds like he still has feelings for you. keep some distance and let him see for himself that he misses you...

[Nixee]

Thanks for the input guys, I appreciate it.

 

It felt good to hear that he missed me, and that he wanted to see me... Right now I am out of state visiting family and when he said that I told him maybe I would be in touch when I get back in town and we would see from there. Maybe I will just say hi or something very simple in that case - touch base because I told him that I would... but leave anything else up to him.

 

I think all of you may be right that letting him initiate more would be best - not just for his feelings, but also for me. I never like to feel as though I am pushing or putting in more effort, even if an offer is accepted with open arms. If he wants me or misses me in whatever capacity I'd like him to show it I guess....

[lor90236]

I think that's a good decision on your part. It is hard to distinguish between the "I'm talking to you because you're my friend/I want to be with you" kind of deal. I hope your mini vacation is good for you and clears up some confusion. Since I am in the same boat, I am curious to how it turns out! Best wishes

[Nixee]

So in the last email my ex sent me he asked when I will be home, and suggested maybe I can come over and he can make food.

 

We have been emailing back and forth a bit, and I answered him, and told him when I return and said it sounded like a nice thing, but other than that I'm not making any suggestions or plans - just going to let him initiate.

 

It is still hard to tell what he may be thinking...and maybe he isn't completely sure yet himself... but he does seem to miss me. And I miss him too - beyond romantic stuff - it truly is nice to just talk to him in a friendly way, and I mean that. So...I guess we will see..