question about NC

[kekep]

Ok, so I'm starting to get the jist of things with this NC stuff. I think it's great. However , it seems like (and correct me if I'm wrong on this) that you wait and wait until you feel like you can talk to your ex in a friendly, but light manner, without a lot of romantic feelings attached. So my question is, what if you are committing to NC so that you can get your ex back eventually? I mean, if you're waiting until you don't feel any pain anymore, isn't that when you're out of love with the person? Or are you jut hiding how you really feel for the person? I know that right now the best thing for me is to not contact my ex, and I will do this no matter what, but should I wait until I have no more romantic feelings for him or until I think I can hide them? Thanks, sorry for the long question...

[lady00]

some people use NC to heal...others see it as a way to get the ex back. it might make them miss you and make them come back but it might also help them move on.

[theghost]

The NC is not for you to unlove someone.

 

Its for you to control your feelings...

 

when you break up with someone you usually hold like a grudge, and over time the grudge goes away...thats what the NC is for, to control your feelings, so you don't burst out in tears and start begging, that would be a sign of weakness.

 

With the NC rule.....your ex would want to know what you been up to.

Well in the time you where broken up, you should improve your weak points, do excersice, build up your self-esteen. Join a sport, or volenteer.

She will want you back.

 

Doesn't always work, it depends why you broke up, if you cheated on her or something like that, then the chances are pretty slim.

I will say its a 75% chance you will get her back, watchout for those boyfriends she might have at the time, those could really hurt, so stay strong...

give it 3-6 months...

[lady00]

the ghost,

75%? that's kind of high. why do you think there's such a good chance of getting the ex back? what if they find some1 else?

[kungfumaster]

I will say its a 75% chance you will get her back

 

Wow ghost, that is quite a high guess! - that would certainly ease alot of pain for alot of the people here though, if its true

 

Kekep,

 

I mean, if you're waiting until you don't feel any pain anymore, isn't that when you're out of love with the person?

 

I like this question. I think once the pain goes away, it doesn't mean you stop loving them. I think it means you have come along way in your healing process, where your emotional wounds have healed. I think you never really stop loving someone you've loved really deeply. Once you are no longer together, it just means you don't do those things you do when you love someone. I think you still love them to some extent, but its not a "pro-active" love, just a passive, sort of, "I care for her" love, "but we don't speak or see each other anymore", if that makes sense.

 

Much props to you for doing NC, no matter what. I have been doing it for 7.5 months! I still have my good and bad days, but it is slowly changing to more good than bad.

 

Take care.

Hi yaaah!