Stuck between my parents' divorce!!

[richie_nut]

My parents are in the middle of a divorce after 27 years of marriage. I hate to sound selfish, but it's killing me! My mother is being a drama queen because my dad has custody of my 14-year old brother (who has Aspergers Syndrome).

 

Mum rung me tonight almost in tears saying that Dad was jeopordising my brother by suggesting he go to a summer camp for a week. Mum is convinced he'll be bullied, picked on and that Dad will ignore him there if things get rough. She says that my brother doesn't really want to go, when in fact he is mega excited about it and has really come out of his shell since they split (being removed from her excessive drinking may have something to do with this...!)

 

So I diplomatically suggested to Mum that Dad only wants my brother to live as normal a life as possible - he's certainly not as special needs as some kids out there. She shot back that he's NOT normal, he never WILL be. Almost like he needs to be in cotton wool 24/7. At that point I said I wasn't taking sides and she sounded very hurt that I would even suggest such a thing. But why else would she call to rant about something so minor?

 

OMG. She's only been sober 60 days and the drama is starting again now that she's out of rehab. I don't want to get stuck in the middle of all this. Dad has been amazing with my brother, taking him fishing, hunting, biking etc. And they've both loved every minute of it! Whereas Mum sits there accusing him of pushing my brother too far. ARGHH. How the hell do I make her see sense and stop trying to put me in an awkward position?! ](*,)

[DN]

I would simply tell your mother that you see nothing wrong with the way your father is bringing up your brother and don't want to discuss it any more.

[WockaWocka]

I agree. Try to disengage. "I love you but I don't want to have this discussion with you." Repeat as often as needed. You'll feel bad stonewalling her but she needs to find other ways of dealing with it besides putting you in the middle.

 

I'm sorry you're going through this.

[avman]

I'm so sorry you have been put in the middle of all this. It isn't fair at all. I agree with DN that you need to set some strong boundaries with your mum. Tell her that you think things are just fine and that you are not interesting in getting in the middle of their argument. And keep saying it until she gets the message.

 

After getting a glimpse of this it probably makes a lot of sense why your parents divorced. Tell your mum you love her but you simply aren't going to be used like this against your dad.

[richie_nut]

That's pretty much along the lines of what I've thought I should do lol but I just worry she's going to take it personally and see it as me taking my dad's side (which, I suppose, in a way I am...on this matter anyway). She swings from saying he's a great father to declaring that he was never there for us kids which is SO not true. I'm over it, will have to start being firm, especially as they're going back to family court in February. She often brought up when she was drinking that we were all against her and I would HATE to bring that back for her.

 

Fingers crossed...