What is the difference?

[want her back]

I have been reading over and over about the No Contact rule. But I am assuming that applies when a couple breaks up. Well, what about when a couple doesn't necessarily break up, rather they take time apart?

 

I guess my question is, what is the difference between being broken up, and "taking a break"?

 

And would you say NC is appropriate in both cases?

[hurtbylove]

What is the point of taking a break if you are still in contact? Taking a break is to have some time apart isn't it?

 

That said there are always different degrees of contact. Spending every moment together is different than a check-in phone call

[lisaria]

Hey want her back,

Like Hurtbylove says, why take a break if you're still in contact?

If you guys are having problems and you need to work on them, then work on them. If you are having problems and want to take a break to think about things, then take a break. But take a break by not contacting them, by stepping back and trying to look at it unemotionally. Really hard to do, I know, but sometimes it is the best thing.

I wish you luck.

lisaria

[OceanEyes]

Well, I think that whether or not you contact your girlfriend depends on why you two decided to take a break. I also think it's wise to establish some kind of understanding with her, otherwise you're always going to be wondering why she is or is not calling you.

 

If you don't mind me asking, why are you taking a break? Who suggested it or was it mutual? Also, was it on reasonable and friendly terms?

[Rahll]

Im guessing it was her idea to "take a break" when a girl says this it almost always means "I want to break up with you without telling or hurting you"

 

If you suggested it, then she might seriously want to try to work things through, if thats the case then no contact means no going out, no sex, no hanging around, no long phone calls.

 

You should still keep in touch, but keep it short, let her know that you think your ready to get back togheter, but you will wait until she is ready.

[mahlina]

If she's saying that she wants some 'time apart', I'm assuming that she's saying that she needs to her space to be alone for a while. Perhaps she needs time to grow up on her own. That's just one perspective though. I've seen other people use the "Let's take a Break" excuse. That to me, is a phony excuse. I'm usually a yes or no kinda person. No in betweens when it comes to matters of the heart. Either the person wants to be with another person or they don't. That person, whoever it is, who initiates the 'time apart' rule, should really sit back and 'be real' with themselves. It's not fair for the other person to sit around and wait.

 

Love is that desire to be with the person that we want to spend our lives with. It's not an "Oh wait. Let me put you on hold. I'll come back with you later, when I feel like it" kind of attitude. Love is more of a desire/dedication that we feel from within. That's true love. But if she's saying that to you, then maybe she's beating around the bush about the break-up. Sounds like she's trying to put it nicely, but doesn't have the nerve to see your heart hurt. However, what she's not realizing is, in some ways, she's unknowingly leading you on.

 

Maybe that's not her intent, but that's just how I see it. Sorry to say this, but I once told my ex that. I didn't have the nerve to hurt him, but after a while, we just grew apart. I had to tell him upfront. It just hurt to see him thinking that we would be together again. And as usual break-ups just aren't pretty, no matter how lightly we put things in the end. We're still friends now, but I keep my distance. Perhaps that's how she feels. I can't read her mind. But if that's the case, then I can see why she's saying that. But she does need to realize that she has to be honest with you. Not in a brutal way, but in a mature way, because the relationship that you guys had symbolizes a 'gift', a learning lesson that people need to go through, in order to grow and understand things in life. Without pain, we don't know what true love is like. We learn from experiences. Take this as a part of your 'experiences' in life.

 

Heal yourself first. Focus on building up that 'strong you.' It's not about her. It's not about putting things on hold, and allowing her words to play rule your heart. Words are just words. It's the actions that count. If things don't work out, then maybe it's not meant to be. Continue on doing what you need to do. If things happen to fall into place in the future, then great. If not, then oh well, right? At least you learned something. Hope this Helps.-Mahlina

 

P.S.-Hang in there. I know that break-ups are tough to deal with, but only time will do the healing. For now, try to keep yourself busy. It's good not to suppress your emotions, but it's also important to not dwell. That will do more damage than good. Keep yourself happy/healthy for now. You'll be surprised of how much stronger you progress, when you make positive changes for yourself. By then, you'll not only be happy with yourself, but the ex will be the last person on your mind. Take Care.