Need advice on experience I recently had

[Double J]

I recently met this girl I have been talking to online for a while now in person. She had sent me her pic, and I must be honest and say that the way she looked appealed to me greatly. Don't mean to sound superficial or anything, but she looked even better in person. In terms of looks, she's everything I could ask for. But here's the thing. This girl is EXTREMELY shy! Even before we met, we didn't talk much over the phone because she's not much of a "phone-talker" due to her apparent shyness. The day I met her face to face, she showed signs that I presume to derive from her shy demeanor. She had said that she would act this way in person because it's how she naturally is, but man, I didn't expect it this much. She's much more animated online. She would toss her cell phone from one hand to another in person, didn't make direct eye contact too much, didn't want to sit down either. She even saw someone she knew at the mall, went to talk to her without excusing herself or introducing her to me, and then when she came back she went walking ahead of me.

(Another thing - she works at the mall I met her in. So the meeting was for 2pm and she arrived at 2:36. Her shift started at 3).

 

I know this was her first time meeting someone from online in person, so it'd be reasonable for her to have the jitters. I spoke to her again a few days after the meeting and she said that she always acts that way when she first meets someone, and that it takes her a while to open up. She kept putting smileys, especially after I said that she's super sweet (b/c she says no one tells her that when she first meets them. I can see why). I said I wanted to go out with her again and she didn't object to it.

 

What do you guys think? Did she seem shy or just not interested? I'm sure girls would be able to answer this better. Some advice on the matter would be appreciated.

Thanks.

[evepm]

Dear Double J:

 

I would definitely give her the benefit of doubt. It's not uncommon for people; both men and women to be shy when they first meet someone. Especially if you first met online.

 

The fact that she didn't object to meeting you a second time is a good sign. Meet her a few more times and she if she warms up. I think it was just a case of the jitters with her. But you'll never know unless you meet with her again. Good Luck!

 

Evepm

[mandylee4christ]

She could be shy simply because she's being cautious. I am sure you are a terrific guy, but a girl can never be too careful when it comes to people she meets off the net. It might take a bit of time for you to prove to her that you are alright.

[CCB]

Yeah I agree with what you and madylee think about this subject.

Everyone has crazy ways of behaving when they're just meeting someone or when they're nervous.

 

Make sure you have a follow up date or something so you really get to know each other some place else. Ice cream or walk in the park or something. That will really get you guys going one on one to see if there's something there worth following up on.

[northernlights]

From what you say, she sounds interested but just shy. If she tells you she's shy and always acts like that, believe her! Online personalities and real life personalities can be so completely different, but I believe the online personality is a good reflection of how she would be if you could to know her a lot better.

 

For your follow-up date, I suggest doing something where you can talk and get to know each other. Don't go to a movie. All you do is sit and stare at a screen in silence. The same applies to anything where you have to just watch and not talk, like a concert, play, etc.

 

Go to dinner (but not at a fast food or family restaurant type place. They serve food too fast and you don't get a chance to talk). Go for dessert somewhere classy. Or go for coffee.

 

Once you have a chance to really just talk with her (because what else can you do when waiting for your meal?), make it easier for her. Ask her questions. Or talk about your experiences. Make jokes. Even shy girls will open up to jokes.

 

It's true that shy girls take an extra effort to get close to, but when you do, they make up for it by being the sweetest things ever. And the accomplishment you'll feel after she opens up to you will really be something. So just take your time with her!

[aireyc]

Yeah, I agree with everyone on her being shy. Personally I'm not a real shy person, but I still an sorta uncomfortable when I meet people for the first time. After about 3 or 4 meetings I begin to act like my normal self. If you're comfortable with the way she is online, I wouldn't worry about it too much. The only time you would have to worry is if you never met and never had a chance to know who she really was. Having a mixed relationship like that (online and in real life) can be a major benefit.

 

- Chris

[ComputerGuy]

I'm a guy and I'm the same way around girls, maybe not to the same extent, but with all the hype about girls meeting guys they met on the net and how unsafe it is, it is probably compounding her already shy nature. The fact that she met you despite her shyness is a good indication that she may feel something. As you said she kept switching hands with her phone, etc., that is a 100% sign that she is nervous. Lets face it, shes meeting someone she met on the net, shes shy, and your a guy she may interested in. I say stick with it, if she is genuinely interested, she will eventually get over her shyness once she gets to know you and is more comfortable around you. You've got nothing to lose. G/L

[Kaylum]

For what it's worth, I agree that in this girl's case it's shyness rather than lack of interest. There are many levels of shyness. Some people (like me) are just a little shy in certain situations, while for others, shyness is so sever that they may need to see a psychologist. It's impossible to tell from one meeting where this girl falls on the scale, but the fact that she was willing to meet you at all tells me her shyness isn't too debilitating, just needs a little work, and the rewards could be great. My advice is to set a reasonable time frame in your mind to get her to open up (say 6 months or so), and if she hasn't opened up to you by then, move on.