Puzzled by girl/Did I do something wrong?

[wintermute1]

So there's this girl I volunteer with. We've known each other for a few months, and are pretty friendly to each other, and have each others' phone numbers.

 

The thing is, I find that I always have to initiate conversation with her, whether it is in person or via text/phone. But when I do, she seems quite happy to talk to me/responds to text/call immediately. She's even "futured" me before when we were talking (randomly) about road trips... "That would be so fun! We should totally do that one day!"

 

 

But things have changed a bit recently.

 

So I asked her to hang out and grab lunch so I could atually get to talk to her, instead of just small talk like we usually do. She told me before that she had a really busy schedule with college, work, volunteering, etc, but we set a time anyway. I took this as a good sign that she was willing to make time to hang out. Conversation was okay, we seemed comfortable around each other. But she seemed to not let me talk about her... she kept directing the conversation towards me which made me feel like I talked too much. We started talking about relationships, and me -being the honest guy I am - briefly mentioned my ex. She became interested and pressed on, even though I said I didn't want to talk about it. She wanted to know what happened between us, and was like "Don't you know, girls love to gossip?" I'm a sucker for her batting her eyelashes. I gave in a bit and gave a very censored account of why we broke up. She seemed to be very sympathetic and not perturbed at all. Anyways, we left and she said "So we'll talk later..?" and I said sure.

 

I thought that maybe since we talked a bit more, she'd be comf initiating conversation with me, but she still doesn't. I've noticed her becoming more friendly with other people around her, but now is a bit quiet around me. She even was inviting other volunteers to hang out, but doesn't talk to me that way.

 

I know I'm a guy, so stereotypically I should "be a man" and ask her out. But I guess I'm just confused by the signals here. Is she possibly turned off that I gave in and talked about my ex, even just a little bit? I didn't think it was a "date" where I know that would be terrible. I just wanted to get to know her more, gauge her compatibility with me. Now I'm not sure what's going on.

 

To summarize:

- I like girl, but she never intiates convo

- She shows some sign of interest in me (answering phone/text immediately, making time to hang out, "futured" me)

- Now is more quiet when I approach her in person, seems to be friendly with others though

[chai714]

She's "on the fence" at this point, meaning it could go either way.

 

First and most important, pay close attention to her body language. Look for positive signs such as smiling, playing with hair, open posture, prolonged eye contact, touching, etc the list goes on. Alternatively, is she holding her drink between you, is her body to the side during conversations? I would think she at least is remotely interested at this point. From here on though, no more talks about the ex - if you must, be vague as that's in the past although she may be gauging your past behavior/history to see if she wants you. Still be vague though and tell her it's your turn now to know more about her. Keeping it light and fun is key though if you are to take her out on a date.

 

Don't mistake her being quiet for not liking you because there are people who get nervous around people they like and that's how they react. From that point, you just draw her out and initiate. Then, the next time you see her just be distant and let her initiate. See how she reacts.

[Stay_home]

I don't really see what's puzzling here other than you're not exactly sure if you really want to pursue anything with her. If there was any kind of advice I could share though, I'd say always be careful about how you talk about your ex's. In other words, don't let your emotions control you so that you don't get so consumed sharing too much unneccessary infomation.

[Captain Clutch]

Reading body language is something I need to improve on as well. Chai714's main point is right, she's on the fence. If I took a guess based on my prior experiences, I would be more inclined to say "no" than "yes." A girl I used to work with did the similar asking-the-others-from-work-to-hang-out-but-not-me thing, and inevitably nothing worked out (this is a girl who I know had interest in me at one point, but this was at work and I don't usually date at work). The initiating conversations...I would see it as her not being as interested in a relationship, but she could also be shy. Depends on the girl.

 

So, what should you do? I say go for broke. If you gradually go into it, I feel that may take too long and her interest will wane anyway. Next time you see her and it's just you and her, boldly ask her out. Have a place to go to, a time to pick her up or meet her, and know what you're going to do. From there, you should have your answer as to if she's interested (though keep in mind she can say "yes" and then flake on the date.) Good luck.

[Uma]

If it was me, I'd be curious as to why you broke up with your ex. It can tell you a lot about what a guy is like. If she went all quiet, she might have been thinking about her past relationships, or something completely random.

 

Ask her out. She is still interested in talking to you.

[is2]

Hm this is a tough one. Like others, I think it can go either way. Maybe if you make a move soon, it might work out. Otherwise things may go "cold"