nsaa0426 Posted October 12, 2010 Share Posted October 12, 2010 So I may probably be boring you all with my break up story but I feel better when I post here and talk to people. So today I talked to a girl friend about my breakup. I have only talked to my guy friends and the girls that I've talked either have not gone through my situation or they haven't given advice because they can't. This particular girl friend said that if my ex really intended to be my friend, he wouldn't have made me go through his one month no contact thing and instead he would be helping me get through this, but isnt exactly that what I don't need? According to my ex, I need to detach myself from him because I was starting to freak out about a partying behavior I knew from the beginning and my anxiety was getting out of control. My one o my guy friends says that my ex probably felt that he was getting in the way of what should be my priorities like school and stuff. My girl friend says that after a one year relationship I should demand answers and break no contact because it's not fair to me but I don't think so, right? Link to comment
nsaa0426 Posted October 12, 2010 Author Share Posted October 12, 2010 oh and now my guy friend mentioned here says i should call as well. so i guess my question is should i do as they say and break the no contact thing? should i call him and ask if he can be my friend now and give me some answers delicately? i dont mean storm on him, but taking small steps, like at least asking if we can talk? if he wants to be friends he will answer right? please someone advice me... Link to comment
nsaa0426 Posted October 12, 2010 Author Share Posted October 12, 2010 i guess its all on me...i dont know what to do anymore...so many questions and no answers...and i dont see my counselor til tomorrow, but my heart is breaking all over again....someone out there? Link to comment
Tanzi Posted October 12, 2010 Share Posted October 12, 2010 Would you be happy with just being friends with your ex? Is that what you really want? Link to comment
SA2000 Posted October 12, 2010 Share Posted October 12, 2010 Calling a guy and demanding answers is not a good idea. As a guy if a girl did this that I had recently broken up with, I would just say I had to go. I would try nicely stating that you would like to know what mistakes you made or where you two grew apart so you know what you need to work on for the next guy. Link to comment
nsaa0426 Posted October 12, 2010 Author Share Posted October 12, 2010 Yes, I would be really happy if he was only my friend. I know my clingy attitude cause all this and it was the cause of my first break up before this ex. I feel that this is truly my fault because I didnt learn from the first time, and the first ex didn't even say we are over. One day all was good, the next I didn't exist anymore. It almost destroyed me. In my latest break up he wanted to remain friends, even after my horrible ways and I want that. I want someone to talk to and I always felt he was the only one that got me. I haven't called him at all still, and I don't think I will, just because I need to prove to myself that he is wrong. I need to change for me, because I can't loose everyone I will love next because of the same thing. I don't miss the bad things but I miss my friend. I miss my confidante. I feel like in free fall and sooner or later I will hit something. I'm trying my best not to call. I refuse to call him because I refuse to give up this easily. I'm just having a very difficult time with it. I want answers, but I need to not lose my dignity in the process. He said we would still be friends, still talk. He said we needed this so I could learn not to cling and depend on him for everything. For that wonderful year we spent together, I need to resist... It's just hard losing your boyfriend and best friend at the same time. Of at all I am praying the friend comes back, bt I'm starting to doubt it Link to comment
nsaa0426 Posted October 13, 2010 Author Share Posted October 13, 2010 and now he is on facebook....right now...gosh how am i not tempted to say hi...just hi Link to comment
nsaa0426 Posted October 13, 2010 Author Share Posted October 13, 2010 Didn't do it. Didn't talk to him, and God help me if it doesn't hurt like hell. Now I'm sitting outside, crying like crazy, unable to stop. This hurts so much Link to comment
Tanzi Posted October 13, 2010 Share Posted October 13, 2010 nsaaa, this is one very good example why staying friends with an ex who you are still in love with is a very bad idea. Also, didn't your ex want some time out to think about your relationship? With your clingly behaviour (your words!) and hanging around social networking sites in order to "bump" into him you are doing evertything wrong. Not only are you going to be pushing him away but look what it is doing to you. This is why it is often suggested on FB that when a relationship ends we need to delete them from our lives completely. Its not being childish and neither should we worry if it may be deemed as such by our ex's. We have to do what we have to do in order to move on. Link to comment
nsaa0426 Posted October 13, 2010 Author Share Posted October 13, 2010 True that is so true...it's not normal at all. And so even if it pains me... I have to delete him from fb. Whatever he may think is not my problem anymore. I'm doing the same thing still and that isn't helping Link to comment
nsaa0426 Posted October 13, 2010 Author Share Posted October 13, 2010 Just deleted him from facebook. Is it supposed to hurt a lot? Removing pics, taking his stuff and putting it somewhere else hidden? Part of me is starting to hate him. I know my clingy attitude drove him away. Letting him go is the worst ever, and part of me hates him for doing this to me after everything that I gave him. It sounds selfish, but I do feel a huge anger to him. Link to comment
Tanzi Posted October 13, 2010 Share Posted October 13, 2010 Letting go is hard and it does hurt but you will move on. Clinging onto him might feel like it lessens the pain but it will hurt you for far longer. Don't feel selfish for feeling that you hate him. He has hurt you so why shouldn't you feel some sort of negative emotion towards him. Its all part of the emotions we have to work our way through to come out happy on the other side. Link to comment
nsaa0426 Posted October 13, 2010 Author Share Posted October 13, 2010 Thanks. There are a lot of questions and doubts but it's hard. I think this upcoming sabbatical will help loads Link to comment
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