Will my Ex ever come back to me?

[kaligrl22]

I broke up with my boyfriend of three years about a month ago. We were having problems and I decided to end it. Well a week later I totally regreted doing it. We talked and he said he had met someone. I was totally pissed and freaked out. I ended saying alot of hurtful things to him and calling him constantly. Which annoyed the hell outta him. When I knew he was with this chick he met I would call him all through out there date. So yeah I was feeling a little rejected and really upset. But then he tells me stuff like he really likes her. And he has a good feeling about this one. What I want to know is how can he find someone a week after we break up and start another realtionship? Is this just a rebound realtionship or is he serious. I moved out to massachusetts to be with him and we lived together for 2 years. I just don't see how he can blow me off like that and throw away three years. I have quit calling him though. But I miss him soo much. He was my best friend. What should I do? Leave him alone and just see what happens or cut my losses and move on?

 

I would apprecieate any advice on this subject. I am really miserable right now. Thanx guys!!!!!

[cyberjava]

I'm not real good with advice, but I can tell you how I feel. My girlfriend of 7 months broke up with me about 2 months ago because we were having problems...I can tell you that being on the receiving end of the breakup, I was devistated...to say the least. Actually, after two months I've cut myself off from my ex and now I'm finally moving on...which I think is a healthy thing to do. I really loved her and still love her, but we're both not in the same place, and really not meant for each other right now...that's oversimplifying, but you get the gist.

 

Well, to your situation...You broke up with him for a reason, which only you really know. You chose to break up with him because you felt there was no other alternative...and I'm sure you made the right choice for you...as you should always look out for yourself first. As I found with my relationship, I put her before me and I ignored a lot judt to appease her, but I did not look out for myself. If you felt that you exhausted all your options, but still found yourself fighting and not working any of the problems out, then it was time for you to break up. Someone who loves you and who you love should compliment you and make you happy, not drain you. You invested three years, you moved out to be with this guy....you have a good right to feel hurt and confused, but remember why you broke up with him. Also, if he's found some other girl a week after you broke up, he's playing games...and that's not good news. My initial reaction was to just find some girl, but I waited and tried to talk to my ex, I tried to work it out...but, it ultimately didn't work out.

 

Ultimately:

1) You're putting yourself in a position to get hurt if you throw yourself at his mercy when he has been pursuing this other girl...so, be careful if you decide to talk about getting back together. My guess is that this girl is rebound or a pawn to get you back. Do you really want to deal with him after him pulling this stunt?

 

2) Remember why you originally brokeup with him. Also, remember that to many guys, when a girl breaks up with him, his initial reaction is to find another girl, to get depressed, to get violent, or to have some other extreme reaction. Your ex had one or all of these reactions, it's what happens.

 

If you REALLY want to get back with him and you've REALLY thouhgt it through and are sure it's what you REALLY want to do for YOU, then you have to realize that you're in for a hard road, that could be a dead end. My advice is to leave him alone and see what happens...and take care of yourself. Hang with your friends, treat yourself to a manicure, do stuff...your friends and you are more important than this guy right now, esp. since he's doing this thing with the girl...

 

I hope you can find something useful in here...

[Gilgamesh]

If its a rebound relationship, youll need to wait for him to bounce back!

 

if you push to hard he will start to rewsent you, so best is to leave it alone.

 

another thing you need to remember that after a breakup, you still will both need to mend your hearts before getting back together, rebound works both ways even with the one you broke up with. a scared heart is a scared heart no matter with who!, so if he does break up with this girl, you may need to wait awhile anyway. just let him be for now.

 

Also ask yourself why you broke up with him in the first place, and why you want him back now, especially now since you cant have him because he is involved with another.

 

i do believe he is in a rebound relationship, but only he can end it. dont try and do that for him, or you will ruin all chances of ever getting him back

[Gimp]

If i were you and if you really love him then wait beacause it's just a rebound and he's only saying things like i got a feeling about this one just to make you mad. He will be back it's only a matter of time.

 

[dave_1966]

Hi, you sound like you're in the same position (possibly) as my ex gf, who dumped me before Xmas.

 

for the full story. I should imagine that you dumped your guy for no good reason, I mean short of him abusing you, everything should be able to be resolved by discussion. What you have to understand now is that being dumped like that is amazingly hurtfull, as the dumper you would have been kind of mentally prepared for it. For your ex, it was probably a bolt out of the blue. He would have been shocked to the core by your action, as I was by my ex. If you're calling him all the time you are doing yourself no favours as he is probably best left alone for some time to regain his composure. Also, calling him repeatedly at this stage will really bug him and he may to start to view you as a pest. Call him in about three months for a friendly chat, by which time his rebound relationship will most likely have fizzled out. I wouldn't expect to be taken back though, as if he's like me he'd be very cautious of exposing himself to being dumped twice by the same girl. You need to possibly put this down to experience, maybe you'll think twice in the future before taking such decisive action.

 

Good luck....

[Janney Yang]

hey there..

umm well yea i no what u feel like.. its lots of pain.. you luv him but you also hated him in a way too.. right... well do u think he still loves you? or do you know he still loves you.. if you know that he doesnt love you then move on.. if you think that somewhere in his heart he still loves you then go for it gurl.. take the chance... remember your not alone..

 

take care...

janney yang

[kaligrl22]

Well if you read Will my ex ever come back to me? You will know whats been happening since the break up. So it's been a month now and my ex has someone else. We were together for three years. At first I regretted breaking up with him. I kept callin him and when I did he would tell me to get over it and move on. So I took the advice and havent called him in over a week. Well last night my roomate and I went out to a bar, whom should I run into HIM.. I was very polite to him even bought him a beer. So anyways didnt see him much of the night. I get a phone call at the 4 in the morning. It's him asking to come over. I made the mistake of letting him come over. Oh yeah forgot to mention he was with his new girl when he was at the bar. so anyways we ended up having sex. And alll he could talk about is not wanting me to be confused. My question is What is he trying to do to me? I mean he says he really likes this girl he's with and they have been seeing eachother for about a month now. So why did he call me last night and come over? I do want him back but I dont want to get hurt if he is just using me. What should I do?

[Neo7]

I'll be perfectly honest. He came over last night because he obviously didn't get any play from the girl he was with that night and went somewhere where he knew he could get it. Sorry but guys do that, sometimes if we have something on our mind (sex) and we're drunk, we call up who we know we can get some from. Don't look into this at all as him wanting to get back with you. The sad thing is you let him to do it. He knows you want him back and used that to his advantage to get what he wanted. The red flags should off gone off in your head after the fact, him telling you not to be confused. Right now this dudes got control over you b/c he knows you still want him. I'm telling you dont have sex with him again, it's not gonna get him back, in fact if anything he may lose respect for you. Sorry if this came off as mean, but I"m a guy and I know what this dudes thinking because 1. I've done this before 2. I know how we think when the little heads in control.

 

I do want him back but I dont want to get hurt if he is just using me.

[kaligrl22]

I have written three other posts on here all about the breakup of my three year relationship. My boyfriend and I broke up two months ago. It has been hell ever since. I intially broke it off but shortly realized I had made a mistake. To make a long story short he found someone else within the first two weeks and has been seeing her ever since. At first he told me to move on and he was happy without me. Then for the last three weeks we have been hooking up every weekend. Now to give you some background I moved from California to Massachusetts to be with him about two years ago. We lived together up until a year ago. We weren't really getting along and thought it would be better to live apart. I've been so upset since we broke up. I can't eat or sleep. I have no family here and I feel so alone. I'm sorry if I'm jumping around with my thoughts. Anyway, so at first he would tell me that he really likes this girl and he is really happy. Then three weeks ago I happened to run into them at a bar. I was cordial and ignored them. I have a great time that night with my friends. I get a phone call later that night from him asking if he can come over, like a fool I let him and we get intimate. Another week passes and I don't call him or hear from him. Saturday rolls around and he calls me up, once again I can't say no to him. We end up spending the day together having a great time. During this time he tells me that he is going to break it off with the new girl and so on but he doesn't want to be with me either. She even called him and he lied to her about where he was right in front of me. According to him now just isin't the right time. We have sex and he tells me not be confused about things. Same thing happens this week, except this last saturday I was getting confirmed into the catholic church. This was a very special and important day for me. Part of me wanted him there but the other part didn't. Needless to say he showed up and we wound up back at my place afterwards. When we are together we seem so happy and it feels so right. Today I was feeling really depressed (easter) like I said I'm from cali so I spent the day alone. He called me to wish me happy easter and then tells me that his girlfriend was over his house with his family. so you probably want to know where I'm going with this. I love this man with all my heart and I want nothing more than to be with him. But I don't know what is going through his mind. He keeps sending me mixed signals. I've done my best not to call him but I really miss him. Should I try to get him back or just leave it alone and move on. And if I move on how do I do it? Plus I have this need to tell his new girlfriend that we have been sleeping together. (they have been sleeping together) Is this a good thing to do? I feel that he shouldn't get the satisfaction of toying with two people's emotions.

[whitelilly]

First of all I am really sorry to hear the situation you are in. Three years is a long time, so I can understand how distraught you must be.

 

It seems to me you have given your ex-boyfriend a lot of chances, and you have been willing to accept his mistakes and move on. Because your ex-boyfriend keeps carrying this on, makes me think he's taking advantage of you. Instead of making the mistake he did, and then trying to work things out with you, he's just continuing it on. He's got two girls in the palm of his hand. Not only is he sleeping with both of you, he's playing with your emotions. You really need to make sure he knows that you won't stand for this.

 

Allowing him to come back to you when he feels like it is self-degrading, you are showing him that he can get what he wants. I know this is hard, because you love him so much, but you really need to show yourself some self-worth. You don't deserve this. Neither does his new girlfriend. By sleeping with him, you are also hurting her in the long run. You don't like the idea of your ex sleeping with a new girl, and I'm sure it would have hurt more if it was when you were dating. thereforeeeeeee, why should she have to go through the same pain?

 

I don't think it is your place to tell this girl he has been sleeping with you. It's a hard situation, I know. You could perhaps, let your exboyfriend know that he should tell her, before she finds out from other people and leave it as that. (Only if he tries to get into bed with you again.) This could scare him into telling her, it might not.

 

I really think it's a wise idea if you move on. I know this is the last thing you want to hear, but trust me. I've been there, and you can save yourself a lot more heartache. I tried, and tried to get this guy to commit, and in the end I had to realise it was impossible and was just causing me unnecessary pain.

 

You asked how you can get over him? For starters, you have to be firm, and NOT sleep with him, or bring him back to your home. If he tries, you need to tell him that you cannot keep doing this, and you deserve better. Have you thought about moving back home with your family? This could be too drastic, so if it is, you really just have to avoid contact with him, especially on a personal basis.

 

Time will help ease the pain, so be patient. You sound very much in love with him, so you may never forget him. Don't make the mistake, of trying to forget him all together. You would have shared some great moments together, you just have to accept the fact that you two need to move on. Once you have done this, it will become easier to think about other things.

 

Try to keep busy, see friends, meet new people. Don't rush into any new relationships, things will happen when you are ready.

 

Best of luck.

[DealingWithIt]

My advice for you is to move on and forget about him. He is clearly playing around with you and this other girl. He knows that he can have whatever he wants from you and I think that same goes for the other girl. He knows how deep your feelings are for him and he knows that and uses it to his advantage.

 

Tell the other girl if you must - she needs to know what a player he is. You should move on and try not to take his calls.

 

Be strong! If you need to move back to CA then go for it. You need to forget about this guy...there are other guys in the world who can treat you so much better.

 

I know its a harsh advice but you will be better off without him.

 

I just hate to see men like him who knows they have "power" over

us women and uses it to their advantage. What do we get out of it?

Just pain and heartache

 

Ive been there before and I decided that I'm better off without him in my life...I dont need the drama.

[paul475]

You're not going insane, dear. You ARE insane.

 

But don't worry. In addition to most of the general population being crazier than outhouse rats, your tender insanity is a welcome respite.

 

I've had to deal with this kind of, "connection compulsion," in my own world. There is hope for you to gain control of your life again. But there is some work ahead of you that you have to complete before you can get the peace and serenity that you deserve.

 

Romantic love is our ego's biggest gun for keeping us stuck in a rut. For those fortunate enough to have a partner with rocks in their head that fit the holes in our's, this issue doesn't come to the forefront. For that fortunate 20% (probably less) of the general population in the US who were raised in a relatively healthy home, the same is also true.

 

The rest of us are going to have to adjust what we believe about romance and romantic love. We can't be stalking each other until all hours of the night, making pointless phone calls that we don't really want to make, or having self-esteem destroying trysts with our former lover that always end up feeling like the last potato chip in the bag.

 

Self esteem is about the actions we take in honor of our personhood. Self esteem is not a feeling, although having good self esteem would have kept you away from this miserable no-person's land of romantic love.

 

This place we are in when we feel this way is not ABOUT love at all...it's about ego, it's about hurt, it's about miserable pain, and it's a keystone to a huge wall of hurt that has to come falling down before you can see what's behind it.

 

Love is about action, not about feelings. When we truly love someone, we act in a manner that serves both their best interests, and our's. It is never selfish or self-serving, unless one considers themselves to be a part of a much larger world community.

 

So, feel though you might, your ex doesn't love you, and probably is incapable of loving anybody. That doesn't mean that you can't learn how and make your fondest dreams come true, but it does mean that you will have to let this illusion go before it destroys more than just your dream of romantic love and true love being equivalent. They simply are not. Stop watching and listening to television and media programs that powerfully suggest that they are. It's bullshit. It's all designed to engineer this "hole" in the middle of your chest that great winds blow through, and that can never be filled.

 

It is this "vacuum" created by trying to reconcile the impossible that advertisers use to get you to buy their crap. Very powerful stuff, but the empty promises made by advertising can be especially cruel when we are going through this learning process.

 

Don't confuse physical closeness with intimacy. It's clear that your ex is just using you for a rainy day in a long series of rainy days ahead for him.

 

It may sound trite, but the greatest love of all really is the love you have for yourself. When you fall in love with you, and really love you, the rest of the world will follow suit.

 

The bonus is that real love is much easier to sustain than this addictive, compulsive crap we try to sell to the young and inexperienced. Sales to youth can be highly profitable provided that we don't also look at the cost of all the hearts we break and the lives we ruin in the process.

 

Be well. Get thee to a Codependent's Anonymous meeting post haste. Those rooms are filled with people in the same situation you are in. It is truly the best place to regrow that self esteem you keep trading like baseball cards to get what you think you want. If they're not in the phone book, call a substance abuse treatment center in your area and ask for a schedule for CoDA meetings. They'll know where you can look.

[danielle3180]

Alright, here i go... I now exactly how you feel. About 2 months ago, my boyfriend and I broke up because of me. I wanted to be alone and see other guys mostly because I was turning 21 and wnted to go ut and party all the time. Well to my surprise he met someone new. I FLIPPED out..and I can tell you I wanted to kill her. I would call him all the time expecially when he would SLEEP at her house.I would show up at his house and talk to his parents and just do everything I could to bother him.

BUT I realized that all I was doing was pushing him away.. WHO WANTS TO BE WITH A PSYCHO?!?!?!The more and more crazy things i did the more he would in turn stop loving me. So finally, after about a month, he called me and wanted me back because I gave him time to miss me and he realized that he was just int the other realationship for rebund.

I know how you feel, miserable. There were days i wouldn't eat.nights i just wouldnt sleep, days i would cry all day in my bed, go to parties with alot of people there and feel so alone.Times I would cry so hard I couldnt breathe. But in the end everything works out and you are fine. Even if we didnt get back together I know that I would have been fine.Everything happens for a reason, and this made us realize how much we really do love each other. This could be good for your relationship. I just hope everything wokrs out for you and just know that no matter what happpens it will be fine and good for you in the end.If you need ANYTHING my instant messanger name for AOL is danielle3180 and my email is

email removed. Email me and let me know how your doing and wahts going on I can helpp you in any way you can and let you avoid all the mistakes i made when we broke up. EMAIL me honey. and dont kill the other girl or do anything stupid as hard as it sounds

[Kashebar]

hey let me tell u something, Love comes but once in a lifetime and when it comes u betta hold on to it ....i think u should go straight to him, hold his face in your hands, cry if u have to, and let him know that u really can't wake up every morning for the rest of your life and not looking into his eyes...my point is, a whole lot of people passes through our life each day...each couple a years, some of them aren't good for us, but there's always one special one who always leaves footprints on our heart and in our lives- hang on to that one !

remember: if man hadn't put some stuff they dugg up through extreme heat, we'd never know the beauty of gold ....i say; hold him down if you have to, but don't leave until u've got him again girl .....hold him down, cry , grab hold of his feet or something..., but don't let him walk out of your life....remember that problems are solvable and that's why they are called problems