Anyone else get laughed at then blanked by girls?

[madhornet]

Just to sum up the way I seem to get treated by girls I went out to a pub Saturday night with a few friends (mix of male and female). A couple of girls I didn't know joined us who were friends of a female friend of mine. I did something which is very unlike me and actually tried to start up a conversation with the both of them. Now granted I don't think it was an exactly groundbreaking conversation starter just saying 'hi, how's it going' but I thought at least they'd give me the time of day! Was I wrong. All I got was laughed at and blanked when I tried to make any further attempts to talk to them - I mean I wasn't intending to like go out with them there and then, just chat and be friendly.

 

So I gave up on that feeling pretty dejected and moved away from them and just spoke to my friends who at least have the decency to want to speak to me. What made it worse is that a couple of my other male friends who didn't know these other 2 girls went to chat to them pretty much like I did and they were fine chatting to them, most probably because they're vastly better looking than I am and don't say stupid things like 'hi, how's it going' to start off with. I'm sure they must have used some corny line and I never understand why girls fall for it every time.

 

This is why my confidence gets undermined so much and keeps ebbing away. Make the effort which is very difficult for me initiating conversation with a girl I don't know let alone 2 of them and get blatantly laughed at and then ignored.

 

It took me almost a year to pluck up the courage to talk to a girl I hadn't met before the last time I was given similar treatment, is it really worth the effort? There's so much of this I can take before my confidence ebbs away to being virtually non-existent. Does anyone have any advice about finding girls when out with friends who don't treat guys like this, what sort of signals to look for? All I want to do is chat to them and have a laugh - is that too much to ask?

[Sweets4u42]

If this is continually happenening, then it might just be the kind of girl you are trying to approach. For example, the blonde at the bar with overdone makeup and tight clothes might not be as approachable as the well-dressed conservative girl who looks a little lonely (a little overdramatic but you get my point). Some girls like to just impress their friends because they can be shallow like that, make themselves look better. If you try going for a girl who is not with her friend(s), then you might not loose as much self confidence if she says no (why should she?); she will not be trying to impress anyone, and she won't have anyone to turn to afterwards. Just my advice..

[Roasted Carrots]

I'm sorry you had to experiance mean girls like that, and if they treated you like that they're not really worth it anyway.

 

You mentioned how you came to the club with some female friends. Try talking to them, and see if they have any suggestions. Maybe they could introduce you to a polite, nice girl outside of a club atmosphere. Personally I think clubs are the hot spot of shallow wannabes because everyone is trying to snag someone for bragging rights.

 

Anyway, keep your confidence up by concentrating on a special talent of yours. You sound like a perfectly sweet guy, and I hope you have more fun talking to girls in the future! Not all of us are that mean.

[Timeless]

Ah yes madhornet, I know that experience.

 

Like you, it's very hard for me to initiate conversation with women. Like you, I am self-conscious about my appearance. When I do make that big step to chat with a female stranger (and I've only done this maybe 5 times in my whole life,) I invaribly get shot down in one way or another. It doesn't do much for our confidence, but maybe we just have to keep doing it anyway.

 

Maybe play the Shy Man's Chat Game. Give yourself a specified time period to receive 10 rejections. Look at a rejection as the object of the game; that way, you view rejection as a victory. To play the game, start approaching women and steer the conversation into asking her on a date, meeting somewhere later, etc. If she says "no" or "I'm busy" or "I have a boyfriend" etc., congratulations, you have your first rejection - only 9 more to go! The idea is that it gets you past the wall by eliminating most of the fear of rejection, replacing it with the achievement of rejection. Ideally, before you hit 10, you'll get a date out of it. At worst, by the time you hit 10, you will have gotten more comfortable with it and you will have learned some things that worked better than others.

 

I tried this game on a trip to Vegas last year, and I quit after 1 because the rejection was pretty harsh, even came before I had a real chance to try hehe. Maybe I'll try again sometime.

[madhornet]

Thanks everyone for your comments. I think I'll a go at that shy man's chat game Timeless, make rejection into a positive as you say. Each time just say to myself (or them) 'your loss'. If it can increase my confidence it can only be beneficial.

[Shinobie]

ya the last time i was out with friends and girls they did the same exact thign when i tried to start conversation they laughed and then blanked out and said nothing i felt really stupid.

[madhornet]

Yeah, they say it's mostly the men who are superficial but I think you'll find plenty of women do this too. Amazing how flirty they get when you've got good looks and how dismissive they are when you haven't.

 

Anyway I've decided that I'm going to stick with my current job for the next couple of years or so (i'll be nearly 30 then) and if by that time I'm still single then I'll leave my job (I've worked there almost 6 years plus I have qualifications so can get work when I return) and go travelling for a year or so. It'll mean not seeing friends for a long time but as they're all coupled up now they'll probably not miss me. It's the only way to get my mind off being single and do something I really want to do. Maybe I'll meet some girl out there from England who's travelling too!

[Shinobie]

Ya i know what ur saying man its fricken lame as heck like when my friend richard says something stupid ro immatue o they laugh a lot.They like omg he has good looks so ill go for him but what they do not know is he might use them to get his own selfish pleasures like all he ever talks about is getting girls to give him a blow job and stuff...

[wlfpack81]

a good way to avoid situations like this is to never try at all like myself...lol

[Shinobie]

Ya thats kind of what i have been doing myself just trying to get away from girls for awhile all they ever do is make me depressed.Im losing respect for the women in my age category cause all they think tabout is the stupid hot guys who r jerks.So ive just been trying to stay away from them and not make any effort at all right now although will prolly later