Stuck in the "middle"?

[MattW]

I've been in a really weird place, lately, and I've been feeling unhappy or at least disinterested in a lot of the things in my life. I'm trying to pinpoint what or where the problem lies, and I'm trying to figure out what I want out of life, and how to get it. Recently, I've sort of been reflecting on the friends I keep.

 

Now, back in high school, I pretty much shut down completely, because a specific group of kids targeted me to endlessly bully and harass me for the entire four years. Nobody else really wanted to get close to me (for fear of becoming targets, themselves, which I can understand; I probably would've felt the same way), and I was just never able to trust people the same after that, and opening up has been extremely hard for me since then.

 

I'm still pretty reserved and to myself, but I think in the last couple of years, I've been able to kind of make a few good friends. It's weird, though, because all of them are either at least 2-3 years older than me, or 2-3 years younger than me. And lately, that fact has really started making me feel stuck in the "middle".

 

In the last six months, all the people that I enjoyed being around the most have basically exited my life, because they've moved on to the next levels of their own lives. Some of them completed their education and decided to start pursuing a real career, some of them found better opportunities to advance in life and have taken them, some have gotten married and/ or started a family, etc.

 

Those are all the things that I want to "advance" to, but despite only being 2-3 years younger than those people, I feel light years behind them in accomplishing any of those things. I've flip-flopped around on majors so much that I don't even know when I'll end up graduating college, nor do I know what degree I'll ultimately end up with. I'm still stuck in the same boring and irritating part time job in retail. I've never even been on a date, let alone been in even one long term relationship. Now, this isn't to say that I'm jealous of them. True, it's kind of a downer to me that I rarely even see or hear from these people anymore, aside from the occasional Facebook shenanigans. I'm basically happy for them, I just feel sort of... left behind. Yanno? It bugs me that I'm "advancing" through life SO much slower than my peers. I've even recently gotten back in touch with old friends and acquaintances I went to grade school/ high school with, and even they (who are the same age as me) seem to be better off and are on a better track than me.

 

On the flip side, I still have a few friends left, though they're 2-3 years younger than me, and I'm not quite as close with them. They're a little too much for me, really. They're still in the late teens/ early 20s phase of partying hard, drinking a lot, messing around with drunk girls, etc. Even today, my one friend was trying to convince me to come to this party that he and another friend of mine are throwing tonight. He was telling me about all the alcohol they're going to have, and promising to help me hook up with drunk girls, etc. Admittedly, I liked the fact that he was at least trying to include me, but that's just not the kind of environment I want to surround myself with. I'm almost 22; I don't want to getting drunk and doing stupid **** with a bunch of people that are basically fresh out of high school. Not only that, but it's a little depressing to think that the only way I could get with a girl is when she's so drunk that she doesn't care who she's messing around with...

 

So, here I am, on a Saturday night, with nothing to do, and no one to really hang out with. My former, older friends are out and about, doing their own things, setting out on their own adventures. My younger friends are getting wasted and making bad decisions. And I'm sitting here, on a message board, whining about it. ](*,)

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I think a lot of people are at loose ends with friendships. When you get older you have the married people who are doing their own thing with their families and the single people who are either trolling for someone new or walk away from friends the minute they have someone new...or they all have their own interests.

[ncmii]

I don't know if you're looking for sympathy, but I'm going to give it to you, as well as some harsh sociological perspective. Also, I'm going to suggest some changes that might be useful in your daily life,

 

It sucks being left out. It sucks even more when you aren't living the life you want to live because all of your ducks aren't in a row. All I can say to this is keep doing you (See, don't quit) and take (some, lol) comfort in the fact that everyone elses' life always looks "better," you know what I mean?

 

There is nothing wrong with spending 1, 2, or 20 Saturday nights by yourself. The party environment obviously isn't making you happy so don't feel obligated to take part. Now, this is where the harsh sociological perspective comes into play: You are 22, not 32 and the majority of people you age are participating in the party scene. My advice? Don't go against the flow; go with it it. I'm not saying be a follower, but try to act your age because it's easier to compete this way, you know? If you surround yourself with 30 year olds who have houses and cars it's hard not to feel inferior.

 

Lastly, I really think you should get a new job. I think a big part of your unhappiness is the label that accompanies working in retial (i.e., teenager or lifer). Go get a job at a bar or something. The social scene will mesh better with your lifestyle and I think it will make you feel more lilke you belong.

 

Good luck, keep me updated,

[MattW]

Now, this is where the harsh sociological perspective comes into play: You are 22, not 32 and the majority of people you age are participating in the party scene. My advice? Don't go against the flow; go with it it. I'm not saying be a follower, but try to act your age because it's easier to compete this way, you know?

 

I can kind of see what you're saying, but eh, I dunno. As someone that's more introverted and "low key", not only is it hard to actually go with that "flow", but it's incredibly hard to make myself WANT to participate in that scene, yanno? I've never really been a loud, expressive, "crazy" (in a good way) person, and from what I've seen, that's basically what the "party scene" is all about. It's all a bit too hectic for me.

 

If you surround yourself with 30 year olds who have houses and cars it's hard not to feel inferior.

 

Well, the older people that I were describing are in the 23-26 range. I'd be less bothered by it if there was an 8-10 year age difference, but 2-4 years isn't a long time at all (I can't even believe it's been over three years since I graduated; it hasn't felt that long at all), and yet, I feel so far away from coming anywhere close to where they are, let alone doing so in the next 2-4 years.

 

Lastly, I really think you should get a new job. I think a big part of your unhappiness is the label that accompanies working in retial (i.e., teenager or lifer). Go get a job at a bar or something. The social scene will mesh better with your lifestyle and I think it will make you feel more lilke you belong.

 

Hah. I wish. I haaaaaaaaaaaaaaate working in retail, but the job market around where I live is pretty blah, and I'm in no real position to move anywhere else any time in the near future. I had a hard enough time finding this job. I'm basically just waiting it out, really, either until I finish school, or until something better pops up, whichever comes first, I guess. I probably have at least another year or two of school (probably more, if I want to shoot for a better degree), and I don't see any "better opportunities" popping up any time in the near future.

[MattW]

So, I got to hear about their drunken shenanigans today. For the life of me, it still didn't sound like much fun (although I tried to pretend it did, so they wouldn't think I'm some kind of weirdo). My "older" friends, on the other hand, spent yesterday at the wedding/ reception of another "older" friend I haven't seen much in the last few months. I got to hear from them, and the fun they had, and to me, that seems like the stuff I want to be involved with. Rather than a bunch of "kids" getting drunk off their asses and doing stupid stuff, they were having fun as "adults", drinking and celebrating in a more jovial way.

 

I'd much rather hang with the "adults", but I seem to always just get stuck with the "kids". The younger guys are the only ones that really invite me out, and I dunno, I just can't really get into that "scene".