Ex Moved Out and may now move back in alone Downstairs!

[skynet74]

My Girl and I had a long relationship. Planned on getting married this year but in January she moved out saying that she needed space. She's been living with a friend ever since. She continually makes it very clear that she does not want to get back together. She's happy with her new life of Clubbing, Drinking and Dating other guys. My stable Mature Girlfriend has turned into a rebellious Teenager at the Age of 31. I feel it's a Midlife crisis or some kind of a phase. She swears up and down that she just wasn't happy with me anymore.

 

Anyway we had lived in a two Story House. The Top Floor was ours and someone else lived on The Bottom Floor. Well the lower Floor tenents have moved out and The Ex now wants to move into that vacant unit. Her commute to work would be about 30 miles less each day and she would be closer to her friends again. The rent is also a lot less then anything else she can afford right now, so this was the biggest deciding factor in her wanting to move back into the house. She also asked how I would feel about her having other guys over etc... I told that since she wanted a life without me, it's up to her what she does.

 

So...... how does everyone feel about this living situation. Is this a mistake for me to even allow her to move back into the house? My landlord wouldn't let her if I said No. He's aware that it's an unusual situation, and he wouldn't want me to be uncomfortable. I told him that it was fine. Her and I can still be friends and at least the house wouldn't be empty anymore. Gets very very lonely there alone.

 

Is this a mistake or could this actually work in my favor to get her back with her being so close by again?

[EnolWolf]

I think this is a BIG mistake. Even if you still love her and she's nearby, I don't think you'll have a chance a getting back with her. I have a feeling that you might mind other guys hanging out with her and doing god knows what. My advice to you is to find someone to hangout with. A new girlfriend or a girl as a friend.

[hurtbylove]

I don't know, it's up to you how comfortable you feel about it.

 

If it were me, I would have to say no to her moving in. It would hurt so much to see her with other guys, having fun without you and other things.

 

It's possible that it would bring you closer to her but I think it's a small chance.

 

Be aware of the possibility of being used also. Since you are so close to her she may try to talk to you about her problems, guys, work whatever. All while not in the context of a relationship or commitment from her. Don't get taken for a free ride.

[skynet74]

Well I also feel it can work the other way around too. What if she sees me with other girls? I guess I am hoping that when she sees that I have moved on and I am fine, then perhaps she'll realize what she Gave up.

I know this whole thing is weird, but why not see what happens. Like she said...... What's the worst that could happen..... It doesn't work out and she has to leave?

 

 

 

John

[EnolWolf]

That's what I was thinking. You should show her that you don't need her and can be happy with someone else. See how she takes it.

 

Good Luck!

[DiglyD]

Dude,

 

I went through exactly what you are about to go through. Do not do it! Trust me on this.

 

A long time ago an ex of 3 years broke up with me and decided just like your girl that she wanted to experience life, clubbing, parties, and go to paris and be an artist and find herself. She moved out of our apartment and moved in with her at the time best friend. She told me she never wanted to see me again, she was happy partying blah blah blah....and she started seeing a new guy.

 

8 months later she called me on xmas to ask me if it was ok is she moved into the same building as me. She told me her new best friend was a which, her place was terrible, someone broke into her car and stole her stereo, her roommate thre outher precious cat and it almost died, and she was scared. So she wanted to be back where she knew it was safe...close to me. I said I didn't care and the landlord who knew me let her stay, and like in your situation would have said no if I said no. I found out that she actually was moving in above me.

 

This is why it was a bad idea. At that point I was well on my way to moving on, but as soon as she came over all those feeling flooded back. WIthin 3 days of moving in she was knocking on my door to borrow sugar, coffee, salk, whatever she could think off. I think she was curious or bored at times and wanted to talk. SHe wanted to know what I wasdoing and whether I still cared. Every conversation brought back memories. You don't want that man.

 

Every other day I woke up I heard her partying with guys upstairs or probably getting laid. Half the itme I couldn't sleep if she was home because she always had new friends over for get togethers. I kept seeing guys pull up and pick her up and she got a kick of hanging out downstairs in front of my kichen window with diff guys.

 

One day we ended up hanging out and guess where that led to....to sex with the ex...we ended up doing it for the next month...she was at my place downstairs...or I was at her place upstairs....we started going out, holding hands..it seemed like everything was like it was, and we were both getting comfortable, and emotions were coming back..until she put on the breaks and said.. "I CAN"T DO THIS". Thats like getting dumped all over again and the second time it hurts far worse. She becasme manipulative and rude, and a total which. She went and found a new guy she fell in love with and I had to see his face all the time. You don't want to experience that either. The funny thing was that at some point the guy she was seeing decided that he was in fact gay and diched her and broke her heart and after that she was a complete mess and tried to come crying to me. At that point I just met someone new, and it was messing it all up. I could not move on and she could not move on. Eventually I ended up with a new girlfriend and it tore her apart. She ended up leaving the state back home.

 

Avoid all these headaches....trust me on this. Nothing good will come of it. You need distance...and you need to start a new life. You do not need the past coming to haunt you. She wants to move in by you not just becasue it will be closer to her work and cheaper but because you are something familiar...she is on her own and yet she has you within an arm's reach. She wants that option. If something does not go right for her you are the safety anchor, and somehting that she thinks she will be able to return to. Do not give her this option. Show her how permanent her decision really was. Plus if you do meet someone your ex might just destroy a new relationship for you if she is jealous or if she decides at that time that she does miss you or when her life isn't going as smoothly as she anticipated. A woman might not want to be with you but she also does not want any other woman to have you either. Its woman logic here.

If she gets a chance she might mess your future.

 

Do not let your ex have her cake and eat it too. You are not some leftovers lying in the fridge for her to reach for when there are no other options. Do not let her into the vicinity of your life.

 

She can only appreciate you and miss you when you are not around. If you want her back at all then do not let her come near you. All that will do is push her farther away from you. Let her learn to live on her own by her own choices and circumstances.

 

Dude say no....if she does move in then be ready to move out. Nothing good will come of this. Just her presense alone will make it harder for you to move on. Distance right now is giving you peace of mind.