hi im new-did divorce ruin me??

[death_rider]

hello, im new to this forum...*waves*

 

my parents divorced when i was 7 (im now 15) and for the past couple of years ive been seriously depressed. ive been trying to find reasons to what has caused my depression, and i was thinking that maybe it leads back to my parents divorce. has anyone ever had the same problem/felt the same way??

 

thank you

xxx

[moviestr]

Hello, I can relate to what you posted because my parents are also divorced. They divorced when I was 2, and my father divroced for the second time when I was sixteen. I can only respond to what you've written because I don't know what else has been going on in your life. . . But your parents' divorce will always affect you. I'm twenty-four now, and I can state that with all honesty. Not to make you think that your future is ruined, because it isn't, but you will eventually need to accept that life is and will be different without them together.

 

You didn't mention anything about the rest of your family--do you have siblings? If so, how have they reacted? Just because your parents are divorced doesn't mean you can't have a healthy relationship with each of them or with the rest of your family. Granted, you will experience conflict from time to time and there will likely be tension. Have you talked to anyone in your family about your feelings toward their divorce? Also, what is their relationship like now? Civil, uncivil, friendly, abusive, etc.?

 

For now, I can't really write much else because I don't know your individual experience. Are you afraid that your parents' feelings towards you have changed? You should be rest-assured that they still love you, and that just because their feelings towards each other have changed doesn't mean their feelings towards you have changed. If you are fearful of that, you should express to them how you feel. Keeping your feelings bottled up inside isn't going to help you.

 

I'm going to look up some websites at home and post them tomorrow that may be of some use to you. . .they're about children of divorce. Believe me, you will grow from this and be able to reach a happy state of mind. Divorce doesn't mean your life is over; you also have to understand that living a life with divorced parents will always affect you in some way, but you will have a future. . .you're already on the path to a good future if you're willing to talk about it now.

 

One word of advice before I go: Don't agree to be the "spy" for either parent. Any problems they have with each other they need to discuss with each other, not with you. If you have a problem with either of them doing that or badmouthing the other one in front of you, tell them it bothers you. Don't be afraid to be vocal.

 

Hope that helps a little. Maybe you could give a little more information so that I can give you more feedback.

[moviestr]

death_rider hello,

How are you doing? Have you read my post? I wasn't sure if I was able to help in any way or not, so I found some links for you. Also, don't be afraid to talk to your parents about how you're feeling. You may also want to suggest talking to a counselor if you think it could help.

 

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Most of these sites were created for parents, so keep that in mind, but they might give you an idea of what it's like through a divorce, and even many years later.

Keep us posted.