dumped for the internet chick

[solitaire]

My boyfriend of 4 years broke up with me a couple of weeks ago. I thought he was the one, the person I was going to spend the rest of my life with, we even talked about marriage. First he wanted to just take a break from me, and gave all these reasons why he wasn't sure about me. Later I found out that he cheated on me with someone from the internet. He had been calling a girl he met on the internet for a couple of months while we were dating and I never had a clue. Basically he dumped me for her. I never thought he would ever cheat on me, let alone dump me for someone. When I found this out, I went alittle crazy on him, so we are no longer friends. I am so hurt, and feel so empty inside, I can't sleep or eat. I've lost so much weight since finding out he did this to me. What makes it even worse is that he really likes this girl he met on the internet, he says he is in love with her. It took him 3 years to tell me he loved me. It hurts so much knowing he is happy with someone else, it's just not fair, he doesn't deserve to be happy. For some weird reason, I still love him, even though I might say mean and hateful things in the fit of anger. I really don't know what to do, all I think about is him and that other girl hooking up. It's driving me nuts! I just want to hurt him to feel the hurt that he caused me. That's how I feel even though it's very selfish of me to think this way. Moving on is so hard to do...

[Mar]

Moving on IS hard to do, but you really have to be the bigger person here. He has the "grass is greener" syndrome. He was all settled in to his life dating you, and suddenly this new, interesting girl pops up. It's happened a million times, and, sadly, he'll learn that she's not all she was cracked up to be on the internet.

 

See, the sad thing about meeting people online is that they can pretty much portray being whomever they want. Rich, famous, gorgeous, whatever. I'm willing to bet she's an ordinary girl with ordinary interests, same as everyone else, and he'll regret his hasty decision to leave you over this girl.

 

But what strikes me more is that there HAD to be something underlying there for him to leave so quickly. Were you two having problems? Fighting a lot? Disinterest? Boredom? It happens in every relationship, and is a prime time for someone to leave, citing "needing space" as the reason for the leaving, or some other lame excuse.

 

I'm very sorry this happened to you, but it also shows his lack of commitment. If you hadn't found out this way, it most likely would have been some other way. 4 years is a LONG time to be with someone, and meeting someone on the internet is a pretty lame way to decide you don't want your current partner. But be the bigger person. Revenge will get you nowhere, and I can PROMISE you that it will seek him out without your intervention! Trust me, I have FULL faith in whoever's in charge doling out punishment for wrong-doing as needed, since I've held back from revenge on people for messing with me for years, and they then being dumped on in some way that was far more effective than anything I could have done!

 

My point being, I know you hurt, and you don't understand this. No one ever does, sadly. But if he was that shallow that he could leave you that easily over some girl on the internet, I think he'll see the loss he got quickly, and you'll hear from him soon. This doesn't mean you have to take him back; merely that you'll see that he's learned the error of his ways. And again, I'm assuming there had to be SOME underlying problems for him to be willing to leave the relationship so quickly, and maybe this gives you time to think about that while he's gone. If he comes back, it's your choice on whether to forgive him and move on, or to learn from the mistake and let him go, and not make that mistake again.

 

Either way, this will be hard for you. I've been in your shoes, I know what you're feeling. I had a guy who SWORE he couldn't live without me elope to Las Vegas without my knowledge, and that HURT!! But he got his, since his wife turned out to be psycho and he divorced her, in a VERY messy split. (We're friends again, finally.)

 

Take this time for yourself, and evaluate the relationship. Was it perfect, or near-perfect? What were the flaws, the shortcomings on both your parts? What would you change/fix if he were to come back, apologies in hand, heart on sleeve?

 

Mar

[AngelOfDarknes]

awww

 

 

i know how you feel and it sucks,but hey i dont how you can hurt him back tho,maybe the only way is just to prove him that u can do better and that u never loved him in the first place, i know you did but just pretend you didnt and that only used him, lol or you can get a guy and act like you been cheating on him too with this new guy while you where with him. its so sad tho that you where together so long and thats what he been doing,just move on even if its hard you prob dont feel like dating and stuff so just hang with ur friends...ehh his sucha a pig god that makes so mad i think his nothing but a crappy worthless ridiculous shallow b***h ever...

 

i been there so i know how you feel goodluck............

[Scott M.]

Okey dokey, men suck, i suck... in two ways. there a few men that you can stay with forever, like farmers or sumthin. and if you get one thats perfect hes either a child molester, murder guy, or a bank robber.

im telling you men suck. you can have boyfriends, just keep m' for fun, but if you be wed be aware.

[pale]

Hey solitaire this may not make you feel better, but a year and a half ago the same thing happened to me after 10 years with the same person. It took me months to get over the hurt and anguish, but believe it or not it does get easier. I must admit i was a bit of a wild child for a few months after that, but i met the man of my dreams 6 months ago. Well actually i met him 5 years ago but we were both in long relationships. The point is, the right guy will come along. As much as it seems like it won't get better it will. I lost 14kgs in 3 months after my break up, and I tell you i didn't try one bit.. but i felt so much better about myself. I oozed confidence and i guess thats how you move on. Believe in yourself that this happened for a reason. You deserve a whole lot better. I know its probably too early for you to start thinking of dating again, but when you do..remember this... whatever your feeling will show on the outside too. SO be confident in everything you do. It will get easier. There is someone out there that will make all your dreams come true. Even if this guy did all that, there is someone else out there who can do it a whole lot better and is right for you. Chin up!! Keep smiling. All is not lost.

[solitaire]

Thank-you everyone who wrote me. I felt deeply moved by your words of encouragement and inspiration. I hope you guys are right, things will get better, I know it's a long journey to recovering from a broken heart. I'm glad I found this forum, because only people who have experienced a painful breakup can offer some great advice.