i just cut up on my legs.

[EmperorDude1]

can someone please say something that will help get knife away from me? i'm trying on my own but it's so tempting to do more right now.

[bearskittie]

try to thing about how do dont need to do this to yourself your a wonderful person!

Why are you wanting to do this to yourself your so much better then this and you know it.

[sophie274]

I'm so sorry you're feeling upset.

 

Please put the knife down. I hear you that it feels good, but it's only creating more problems for you, not solving anything.

 

Would you like to talk to us on here? I may have to go soon, but there will be lots of people on and willing to lend an ear.

[odile]

Do you have any duct tape?

Go get the duct tape, and wrap the knife up in it.

[EmperorDude1]

okay guys, i'm too tired/distracted to address anything right now. i just wanted to let you know i have put the knife away. time/comments helped. i'll be back to talk it out more later.

[odile]

Try getting out of the house and going for a long walk to clear your head.

[sophie274]

Very glad to hear that. Please come back later.

[EmperorDude1]

try to thing about how do dont need to do this to yourself your a wonderful person!

Why are you wanting to do this to yourself your so much better then this and you know it.

 

But see, that's the thing; most of the time, I DON'T believe I'm better than that. Most of the time, I don't accept that I truly deserve better, to be in places where I don't feel the need to punish myself and/or be very emotionally hurt by somebody else. As a rule, when I think of myself, words like 'pathetic', 'worthless', and 'disgusting' are the nouns I use. Even right now, calmed as I am, about the thing I can say positively about me is that I have a developed sense of altruism, and that I'm punctually correct.

 

.. See? I have to consider being a grammar Nazi a virtue to have something to be content over.

 

I'm so sorry you're feeling upset.

 

Please put the knife down. I hear you that it feels good, but it's only creating more problems for you, not solving anything.

 

Would you like to talk to us on here? I may have to go soon, but there will be lots of people on and willing to lend an ear.

 

Hm, it's not something I haven't not talked about before, so I guess I may as well.

 

I have Aspergers syndrome, along with social anxiety, clinical depression, and a hint of bi-polar disorder (the last two have a very long and prominent history in my family's mental health record). I only made a few friends when I was young and in school, and now that I'm out and they've moved on, I have no friends that I can just call and go hang out with.

 

So given all that, it's not a stretch to believe that though I'm 20 years old, I only had my first relationship last year, non physical and internet based though it was. Now, some people might not be able to fall in love with somebody without meeting them in person, but I'm the opposite of that; I develop attraction quite easy, and I was in love with her even though we were together for just about 3 and a half months. On the first of Sept last year, she broke up with me because her feelings for me had failed and died.

 

So, fast forward to now. I've been unable to move on, because I haven't been in any situation where I really could do that. Like I said before, I partly struggle in doing things that will benefit me, because in a way, I feel that I deserve the pain and emotional hurt I get. Like, the reason why I got so upset last night was because I went to this forum where we used to hang out, and I saw her.. 'doing stuff' (I've mentioned this before on another thread, so this isn't new for me). I knew that going there would upset me, but I didn't care. I also have to fight my way through my defeatism and pessimism, which isn't easy given how long they've been my thought patterns. Heck, they're not my patterns anymore; they're my default views and beliefs.

 

I don't want to live this way anymore, I really don't. But, I have so much to tackle and do, and not knowing how to really handle myself in the situations I'll need to put myself in to get out, it gets so intimidating sometimes. I haven't given up on things. I'm just a bit lost as to where to direct my energies..

[EmperorDude1]

Ah-ha.

 

Even on a forum dedicated to listening to emotionally struggling and conflicted people, I'm viewed as the metaphorical leper.

[The Archer]

Ah-ha.

 

Even on a forum dedicated to listening to emotionally struggling and conflicted people, I'm viewed as the metaphorical leper.

 

I think most forum members are from the states and it’s very late at night over there so their mostly off line.

 

Hey sorry to read about your situation. Kinda late here to though so I’m off to bed too.

 

Take care of yourself! Maybe check back in later... People do care!

I feel emotional from reading your posts but I don’t quite know what to say. Sorry wish I could help

[No One]

Excellent, maybe keep that knife at a good distance.

If you can do something else (games, walking, weights, phone) instead, then, do until the urge passes. Next, the reasons for the urge...

[odile]

It sounds as if you are really struggling with these larger issues,

and would really benefit with some support and guidance in tackling these problems

so that they will no longer haunt and overwhelm you in this way.

We're all here to listen, but it would be best if you can see a therapist to help provide you with more substantial assistance than this forum could provide alone.

[No One]

When you have a medical problem (yes, you do), then the people in the best positions to help you are those in the medical fields.

[h20lover1]

Honestly I have had depression and I see as a excuse to not be happy. Just because you have disorders doesn't make it ok to hurt yourself. Everyone deals with things differently. But hurting yourself is a horrible way to deal with it Just know that you are NOT alone. People Care!!!

[Jeen]

Ah-ha.

 

Even on a forum dedicated to listening to emotionally struggling and conflicted people, I'm viewed as the metaphorical leper.

 

No! Your not darling.

 

image removed

 

It is good to sometimes just put your thoughts on paper! Why not start a journal, I find it helps a lot to control my emotions and to give me direction in life when my thoughts are all over the place and I feel "Overwhelmed by life", the need to find my direction again.