Why does he so eagerly wish to be friends with me so soon after the breakup when he has a new gf?

[sheenietee]

To put it simply I casually dated a guy that I met the last 2 weeks of college for about 2 months (LD after the 2 weeks). He was not over his ex girlfriend at the time (not recent btw) so that's why we weren't official because he wasn't ready for a relationship. I know, red flag.. but he treated me wonderfully--talked to me for hours everyday, confided things to me , and always wanted to spend every minute with me..He even invited me to go on vaca with him and his family. He often times seemed to genuinely miss me. We did have sex btw. Basically, everything seemed perfect but I needed to break things off with him-he was going on dates with other girls. When I broke up with him he was shocked and told me about this new girl he was hanging out with saying she wanted to date him and he liked her but was holding off because it "didn't feel right with what we had going." Now, the next day after the break up he starts dating her (he's known her for 3 years btw) and 8 days later she becomes his official gf.

 

Now, that day he was talking online with me while she was sitting RIGHT next to him on the couch.. why he didn’t say he was busy is beyond me (idk if she knew or not). Though, he said he was going to call me later that night and never did. Also, after only a WEEK of them dating.. he ims me on fb the very second I sign on saying eagerly "how are you???" Now, 2 weeks after that he liked one of my statuses on fb. Now, today he said “ we will have to get lunch or something and catch up" The only thing though is, before we would always talk on MSN, but he stopped going on that.. which indicates he doesn't want to talk to me... yet he goes on fb more frequently now and he ims me.. so that confuses me lol and didn't im yesterday for the 1st time. He is a nice guy who wouldn’t intentionally go about hurting anyone btw.

 

There are many more details to this seemingly forever unfolding tale of mine so if you have inquiries, ask! I only shortened it to spare the primary readers.

[WomanWriter]

He probably just likes all the attention he can get. My last ex is that way. He wanted to be friends (even though I dumped him for cheating and other things). While we were together, he'd try to hug all the young girls at church and touch up on everyone. He also has a million girls on his Myspace and Facebook. "Just friends," he said they were...although he's pretty much casually dated about all of them.

 

Could he be a narcissist? Just because he has a new gf doesn't mean he doesn't want to be flattered with your attention? He might want you to fight over him. My ex used to provoke me by talking about his ex, as if he wanted me to get in a fight with her or something. I told him I don't do that and he seemed disappointed. They thrive off the drama of attention.

[ksh1255]

From a guys standpoint sounds to me like he is keeping you in close corners incase something goes wrong with his new gf. Either that or he is highly confused. I say if your emotions are involved with him, and you can't handle being just friends right now, back away.

[sheenietee]

Hm I'm not so sure he's like that. He's a very nice guy who really wouldn't want to "play" anyone, at least not intentionally. I do think he loves attention.. but more in a "he's insecure" way, not a "narcissistic way." For example, in the last 2 years I think he has gone a total of 2 months without a girl. He does get a lot of attention from girls--he's good looking and a dance instructor. He's a very serious type though.. all his official gfs have been long term.(all of which cheated on him, I think for being needy). 4 years, 1 year (the one he wasn't over), and 7 months (even though he admitted she was just a rebound). I was the first girl that he wasn't officially involved with that he had sex with. It's the fact that he made this girl official that is making me think he's really serious about her.. but at the same time he still talks to me and he got into the relationship so fast which makes me think it's not. I'm not sure.

[sheenietee]

From a guys standpoint sounds to me like he is keeping you in close corners incase something goes wrong with his new gf. Either that or he is highly confused. I say if your emotions are involved with him, and you can't handle being just friends right now, back away.

 

 

I guess I would bet on confused because when I broke up with him and asked what was honestly going through his head he said "well, I'm in a confused state right now.. see there's this girl here (as in not LD) who likes me and wants to date me and I like her too but I have been holding off." Then when I asked if it was just because of me he said "yeah idk .. it just didn't feel right with what we had going on." I then told him I couldn't be in a proper state to date him and to give her a chance.. I wasn't expecting him to get official with her by any means though. When I confronted him about it and said it made me feel like I wasn't worth much he responded "that's not how it is, I was shocked everything worked out this way myself.. I've known her since my freshman year (he'll be a senior)

[sheenietee]

Anyone else have any input on this? I really could use all the different opinions I can possibly gather! I feel over him enough where I'm happy and am interested in others, but something tells me to hold onto him so I am.. just wondering if he has ill intentions or if there's any hope at all of him liking me again.. because some have suggested he just genuinely wants to be friendly and there is no motive? but okay, that could be the case. I still like him so maybe it's wishful thinking on my part. The only thing I find strange enough to question is the impulsiveness of it.. can't go a week without seeing how I am? wanting to hang out the moment I get back on campus?