1st time talking

[me_myself_I]

Ok so before i start you should know this is the first time i have talked about this in a very very long time (years). Idk what exactly im looking for here but any replies are welcome.

Here it goes I have known for a long time now that i should seek professional help but just cannot bring my self to do it ( if i actually post this i will be supprised.) emotions to me are burried and never talked about i am very skilled at hiding things. I am not a fan of what i have turned myself into but working on it on my own is not working. for almost 10 years now (yes 10 actual years) i have felt nothing well not nothing but i have put up and emotional barrier. earlier on it was to just help cope but now it seems permanent things happen and it doesnt even phase me i.e. ive lost a good friend,grandma,grandpa,and uncle in the last year and a half and havent missed a beat. Im a habitual liar and continually minupilate people to do what i want. (there are times i actually pride myself on how good i am at it) I know what im doing is wrong but it almost comes naturaly to me. Here recently (in the last year or two) i have become very antisocial being around large groups of people makes me nervous. but i have always had an unnatural distrust of people in general. I always assume people are going to screw me over or are out to get me. I have moodswings and insomnia. I however have a very logical mind and realize all of this but seem helpless to do anything about it and it drives me up the wall that i cant fix it. It seems to just keep getting worse and i am afraid of what all of it will lead to. well there was my rant i guess thanks for listening whoever reads this.

[Nerdyjock]

Please get some help! How much longer will you go on suffering in silence? Literally, what is stopping you from seeking a professional if you know it is needed?

[me_myself_I]

because i feel that this is mine to deal with. It is not very often that i talk about it i tend to hit a low point a couple times a year for a night and will open up but then the next day its back to the same old thing ive set up an appt once or twice when i was younger but never went to them.

[Slagar]

because i feel that this is mine to deal with. It is not very often that i talk about it i tend to hit a low point a couple times a year for a night and will open up but then the next day its back to the same old thing ive set up an appt once or twice when i was younger but never went to them.

 

How much of an issue is it to you, really? It's easy to get worked up about something that bothers you, but then on some level just be "okay" with how things are - leading you to want help, and then a week later feel like you don't really need it anymore (I'm guilty of this myself).

Be honest with yourself - do you really want to change?

Change takes hard work. Habits are ingrained, and very hard to un-stick. If you really don't like it, it's going to take hard work and commitment.

 

Have you looked in the self-help section at your nearest bookstore? There are some very good books out there if you look.

 

Really, seeing a good counsellor, and telling them all of this, could help you work through it, come up with a plan, and change it. It also helps keep you motivated. Even if it's just a one-hour commitment once a week, to improve and solve this part of yourself - would you do it?

[andi8172]

when your feeling low write down everything you feel every emotion and send it to your doctor/cousellor then theres no going back

if youre a habitual liar go back an right those wrongs talk to the people one to one and apologise if there real freinds theyll understand but give them time

the emotional barrier is something we all use when people pass because we cant show our true emotion

people screwing you over well thats human nature i bet as you said as a habitual liar youve done it but you know youre doing it so you can put it right the real users are weeded out and youre left with real people

use your logical mind and come up with something to put the past right do some charity work /give to charity every time you lie

[livelarge]

Right now, you are safe. The world you created works for you and it keeps you from getting hurt by others. It works so well that you don't miss a beat when someone dies.

 

Probably the reason you don't go to your appointments is that it would make you vulnerable. Even the slightest possibility of change means opening yourself up to people and that wouldn't be safe at all.

 

You have a tough choice to make. Wall yourself off and be safe. Or open yourself up and risk getting hurt, but you also risk making a great connection with somebody and letting somebody know the real you (and actually liking the real you).

[Nerdyjock]

because i feel that this is mine to deal with. It is not very often that i talk about it i tend to hit a low point a couple times a year for a night and will open up but then the next day its back to the same old thing ive set up an appt once or twice when i was younger but never went to them.

 

Just because you visit a professional does not take away from it being yours to deal with. Going to a therapist is not about them telling you what you are doing wrong in your life and why. It is not about them giving advice. It is about them listening to you talk, what you think about it, and them offering some insight/suggestions on what you would like to do to improve your situation. It is the epitome of it being yours to deal with.