His family are ruining our lives.

[ciderwithrosie]

Hi all,

 

I've currently single, having mutually separated from my boyfriend for the second time about three weeks ago. I'm 18, he's 19. We were together 14 months before I spontaneously broke it up because the pill I was on totally changed my personality and it was an irrational decision I took back immediately. I know that sounds excusey but I literally can not think of another reason for the personality change, it just makes sense. We got back together very quickly and things seem to settle again very quickly, except his mum took an instant disliking to me from then on and I was banned from coming round to the house, no matter how much he protested. His dad, sister and some of this other family members seemed to have no problem with me, it was just her. So naturally I struggled with that as well but I was fine about it cause I never had to see her, my family loved and still love Mike and welcomed him with open arms and will continue to. We then had another 7 months together before we decided to mutually separate because we felt we were too young to fully commit to each other, especially with me going away to university in September, something I'm sure his mother relished in and loved. She made it very clear throughout our second go at dating that she hated me and he could do better.

 

I thought they'd be content with leaving me be and concentrating on picking Mike up. But oh no. They're turning all their attention of hurting me. I'm now getting crap from members of his family on Facebook to the extent that I've had to block them. They are literally ruining our lives, even though we've broken up! He says they've told him never to speak to me again (I know this because we're still very good friends and he texts me all the time, that's how we've been coping.), and swears they've been spying on my Facebook so I deleted his cousin. She finds out, starts sending me all this crap about me deleting her (already, * * * ?) so I told her about the spying thing. She insists none of them have done it but then gives me pretty clear warnings about staying away from him. Even though I should have expected this, I'm very hurt by the extents they have gone to to attack me when I feel I've done nothing wrong.

 

Unfortunately, I've not been able to really talk about this with my ex because he's in Portugal with his mum, dad and sister until this Saturday. We were actually talking about the possibility of getting back together after uni (I'm no longer going away for university but staying in my home town to go to my 2nd choice for many reasons) or until we felt the timing was more appropriate but I think this is totally out the question now. Not only have I lost my potential future partner (I know, optimistic and thinking far ahead), but I'm pretty sure I've lost my best friend. Thankfully, he's moving out of his house when he gets back from holiday into a student house with some friends so maybe they won't have as much of a grip and I'll be able to still be friends with him.

 

Anyway, how do people cope when their other half or even just a friend's family hates them? Even though I was expecting it and I tolerated his mum's hate for 7 months, I really don't like being disliked and I feel incredibly upset that I've lost so much. Me and Mike are still incredibly close and had no plans to stop being friends but I think certain psychotic family members are going to stop at nothing to prevent us having any contact.

[turnera]

You take the high road.

 

You do nothing and stay gracious and polite and don't sink to their levels. Eventually, it will be obvious to everyone just who is the idiot.

 

fwiw, you are about to have a whole sea change in your life by going to college, so don't put too much store in your old relationships; you're going to be too busy to notice. And you're about to meet a few thousand new guys.