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My break-up story and a question about his behavior now


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I've posted before but never told the entire story of the recent break-up with the guy I was seeing - he wouldnt call me his gf because he said, I would put "meaning" to it and expect more. ANYway, he broke up with me via text 4 days ago.


So let me tell you what immediately led up to this and then I would like some feedback on his current behavior. ... July 3 was his birthday. He was depressed about it - he turned 37 and all his friends are married, engaged or having babies. He, in the meantime, is alone except for me - the woman he said he'd never marry. Yes, it took me a long time to get over that but after dating him for quite a while I decided that I really wouldnt like him for a husband either. We had a close relationship with no future plans basically.


So, yea, I knew why he was depressed and that could've made me feel bad but I focused on him and his day. As far as I knew he had not heard much from his friends as far as well wishes either. I made a big deal of it. I went to his house and brought him a special dessert I had made that he had requested (btw chocolate eclairs are hard to make!), brought him a bottle of his favorite booze and took him out to dinner. We had a nice time until his parents called him to wish him a happy birthday.


I am sitting next to him when he tells them that a "friend" took him to dinner. I couldnt help it and got upset. I was like ... a friend? don't I get a name attached at least? He tried to blow it off and I really did not want to fight on his day but I had to ask ... do your parents know about me? We have been seeing each other almost 4 years. He said, yea, they know. I asked, how do they know? Basically he told his brother-in-law about me - whom he was SURE had told his wife, whom he was CERTAIN had told the family.


That's it. No name - nothing. I dont even know what he described me as (maybe an Idiot?)


So, I cram it down inside of me so as to not ruin the night. and when I left, all was well. On Sunday he sends me a text that says he's shaved his head. We had just been discussing this on his birthday. How I liked his hair and even though he was slowly losing it, it looked good. Eh, but who cares what I think? He shaved it anyway and laughed about how I was going to hate it but how much he liked it. He had done the same thing a year or two ago and was joking about how it bothered me.


Fast-forward to Tuesday at work. I'll be honest, I was avoiding him b/c I knew my face would give me away. He comes to my office and "shows it off" I guess - tells me how much he likes it, how much everyone else likes it ... I was like, who else? He says, Everyone. Okaay. I said, well that's great everyone likes it, but I dont.


I know, I know. I couldnt help myself. I was angry and hurt and maybe I should've said something positive ... he got mad and said, well you dont have to touch it then and I said, I dont want to.


He stormed off down the hall. 2 minutes later he calls me a Fn Brat... I send back that I'm sorry, I was just being honest. He sends, you were being a B---- and I dont want to speak to you for a while. I sent back, You are kidding right? Arent you being childish? He sents, maybe we should make not speaking permanent. I sent back, Aw come on, I'm sorry. He ignored it. He also ignored the next couple of messages I sent. I stopped. I figured I'd let him cool off.


Two weeks I waited. No contact. Finally I couldnt stand it anymore and sent him a text - when are you going to talk to me? its been 2 weeks. He sent back I am willing to talk to you but I dont want more than that. I sent: meaning? He sent I mean romantically. But I dont have any ill will towards you.


Omg. Ill will?!? What? My heart was pounding out of my chest. I knew it. I knew he'd dump me but I thought he'd at least want to talk first. I sent him back Bye. I am gone for good this time. I'm done. Know what he sent back? Ok.


So that was it. Just like that. Honestly, he has dropped me so many times, you'd think I'd be used to it. But you never get used to that feeling - that bottomed out feeling.


Of course Ive gone NC. In previous times I always kind left the door cracked a bit, you might say - hoping he'd want me back. But this time it is firmly shut. My heart cant take anymore. I should add that in all the other times he's dumped me, he comes back in about 8 weeks with the friendship card - sometimes even sooner. This time I dont want to give him the opportunity to even offer it. Which finally leads me to his behavior now.


We work at the same place but luckily I am in the front of the building and he is in the back. It is easy for us to go a week or more without ever crossing paths. Yesterday, though, I was obligated to go to his general area to speak to someone and he stared me down. I kept my head up and did not look. ... This morning though, he got to me. I walk in the front door and there he sits with a fellow co-worker in chairs outside my office. I literally had to step over his feet to get my card to clock in. There was no reason for them to be there. The other guy was sort of chatty about them relaxing for a bit and I kind of smiled at him. The entire time my I can feel my ex's eyes on me. I never looked up.


I had to go to the restroom - my hands were shaking. They were both gone when I came back. Why? Why is he doing this? Is it a game? Is he trying to torture me or is that just in my head? Any ideas? Has anyone ever known someone like this?


I hope that I have the smarts and strength to stay away from this person. I really did love him. I thought we had a special connection - dumb.

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it wasnt dumb. we fall in love naturally and we cant deny that thats just human behavior. its studpid sometimes becuase we just get hurt but what can we say after trying everything we could until we cant bare it no more. i think he is playing games being immature especially at his age. you have done the right thing and continue doing it as in it will make you a stronger person and you will get over him.

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I'm sorry for your pain, but am not sure that you could expect much out of a man that said he didn't ever want to marry you or put any "meaning" to your relationship. I assume you would like to get married and have someone commit to you eventually. You are right to stay away from this man, he is never going to be what you want him to be to you. Heal from this relationship and open yourself up to other possibilities - a man who will love and cherish you. Stay NC no matter what. This guy is a waste of your time, assuming you aren't just looking to date off and on for the rest of your life. I have found myself wondering more and more lately why people settle for less than what they are worth. It's such a miserable existence, to be with or try to be with someone who treats you so poorly. Ask yourself why you have put up with this behavior for so long and correct it during this time, so you don't get sucked in again, or find another one just like him.

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