How do you know when to cut your losses?

[kristenjo]

Please take a look at my last 2 threads. I'm still casually dating the same guy!

 

I made him dinner last week and we ended up not talking about anything serious. He keeps being hot and cold. I backed off and ran into him Saturday and of course my acting distant made him chase me. I feel like I'm not getting what I need, but on the other hand I feel like it's nice to casually date someone, go out, have fun, have companionship, etc. However, I don't really feel like he is putting in much effort. When do I cut my losses? Is it ok to keep dating someone just for the hell of it? Advice please!

[Nerdyjock]

If you have to act distant to get what you need, it's time to cut your losses in my opinion. You shouldn't have to play someone to have your needs met, nor should he. If you are acing distant, he could be thinking that you are the one acting hot and cold.

 

My rule is if your needs aren being met at first, they sure as heck aren't going to be met later. I say move on now or have a talk with him.

[Circe1607308268]

kristenjo, you have to decide first what you want.

 

You seem torn between your "needs" and "casual dating."

 

"Casual dating" is just as you describe it: hanging out, companionship, having fun. "Needs" do not enter into it. These are "wants." And if he is complying with your wants, and you are enjoying the casual nature of it, then he doesn't have to do any more. There is no schedule or expectations for casual dating. It happens as it happens. If you just want casual dating and he's not available often enough, you need to supplement your dating schedule with other men. Then, you have more than one to show up when you feel like going out and having fun.

 

If you are starting to have "needs," then you're not looking for casual anymore. You're looking for something more. If you want it with him, you need to tell him so and ask if he wants it with you. Then you'll know whether to cut your losses and move on.

[oldenoughtoknow]

He's stated that he doesn't want anything serious right now. And he's stated that you're clear to date other people. You have also stated that you don't want anything serious right now. But it sounds like you want more than what he's willing to give. What would that look like? Maybe you should think that through a bit more. It's hard to get what you want when you aren't sure what that really is.

 

Either way, it sounds like you like him, but he isn't willing to bring all of the things necessary to make you happy. I don't see that changing. So I would start casually dating other people. That will give you the opportunity to potentially find someone who is a better match, and will take your mind off of him and your current frustrations. Whether you want to keep him in your casual dating pool or not, is really up to you.

[kristenjo]

Thanks for the advice everyone.

I think I'm lying to myself that I don't want a serious relationship. I do, but I know that I don't want it with him.

I guess it's not helping the situation that I'm not dating any other people.

I'm pretty positive he isn't either. But I'm sure he wants too, ha ha.

 

I was asked out last week by another guy but I wasn't really interested. I've thought about signing up for online dating but I've never tried it before. Suggestions?

[testcase]

Ahhh I'm in a similar situation. It's like I'm casually dating this girl but go long periods of time without seeing or hearing from her. Sometimes I try to contact her and don't hear back, then she'll hit me up out of the blue and try to hang out. I guess Circe and Richpart hit the nail on the head. You have to figure out what you want, then be upfront with who you're seeing. For example in my situation I feel like I have to talk to her soon, if I even get the chance. Say if shes not going to put in any effort and basically disregard me when she wants to I'm going to have to stop "casually" seeing her. Sucks and I don't really want it to be that way but it looks like it's already there.

 

On the other hand as also mentioned here, start dating some other people. =D. I know I am and it seriously helps take my mind off it. That way you don't stress in between dates about how they are acting. You can just set up some other dates and have fun, "casually" date a few people.