Family tension

[Nyxx]

So..to those who remember my post on how awful my current living situation is, I'm happy to say, we're finally leaving. It's not an ideal situation, but it's loads better than the current one. The S.O. and I are moving back into the townhouse I lived in for 3.5 years (provided it doesn't sell). My mom owns it, and has been trying to sell it for over a year, with no luck. I didn't want to move back in there because, even though she lives a mile down the road and hardly came over, she is very dominating; she was the reason I moved out in the first place. I couldn't stand being under her thumb anymore; even though she didn't live there, she still has ownership of it. While I was there, I felt obligated to give in to her guilt trips and demands, simply because I knew I owed her for letting me stay there (though I did pay rent).

 

We're moving back in, as I mentioned, because the situation with our roommates/landlord is getting out of hand. We have even less freedom here. The problem with finding our own place is that I've been unemployed for 9 months, and my S.O. only works part-time. I have an interview next week, but it's the first one in 7 months. If this comes through, I know we can afford to live without the help of others. But for the time being, our only option, if my family will allow it, is to move back into the townhouse.

 

The biggest problem is this: My grandma has some (though not much) stake in this townhouse. It was intended for her, but she refuses to move in and insists on selling it instead. In fact, that's the only thing she talks about is the need to sell it, though it belongs primarily to my mother and uncle. Right now, she's in charge of paying the association fees (some $500+ amount every 3 months) and constantly * * * * * es about that. My mom pays the utilities, and my uncle pays the taxes while it's been sitting vacant for the past 9 months.

 

Everyone benefits by us moving in. We'll pay the association fees and the utilities, and the taxes will go down because we'll technically be homesteading, since vacant properties have higher taxes around here. In addition, we'll be paying less in rent then we are now for more room and freedom. Everyone wins.

 

But my grandmother INSISTS it needs to sell. My mom keeps telling her that we can't just force someone to buy it, but she's adamant. I was talking to my mom about where to put some of our things, and my grandma chimed in on several occasions with, "Don't get comfortable; it's going to sell. You'll just need to move in with your mom."

 

I find this incredibly selfish. She certainly doesn't need the money, and she's living more than comfortably in the house she refuses to move out of. We are in dire need of a place to live, if even for just a couple months, and the stress of wondering if or when it's going to sell is killing me. We'll have absolutely NOWHERE to go... I thought she would have been happy with us moving in since we'd be covering the fees and bills.

 

I lived there for 3.5 years, and I don't know what I did to make her think I'm a terrible renter, since I kept things clean and made sure I did everything required of me while living there. It's newly remodeled (it flooded shortly after I moved out), so I know they prefer to have no one live in it to keep everything brand-spankin' new.

 

Also, her assumption that my mother will take us back is ridiculous. My parent's live in a small house and are soon going to be renting out their basement to my brother's girlfriend. There simply isn't room for 5 people in that house. Even so, she has no right to be making decisions on behalf of my mom. I'm sure she doesn't want us there, and living with her again would be a disaster.

 

We are responsible people who just happened to make a mistake. I shouldn't have acted so rashly and moved in with people at the first opportunity presented to us. I'm NOT asking my mom, uncle and grandmother to stop trying to sell it because we want to live there. All I ask is that we are shown a little bit of trust and a little bit of leniency. And I don't want it rubbed in my face that I have no right to be there, and I shouldn't be the one living there. I know I deserve nothing. Both my uncle and grandmother have made it VERY obvious that they don't want us there, and I think my mom (who can be "persuasive") is the only one fighting for us.

 

It's painful to see my family, people who are supposed to love me and care about my well-being, treat us so coldly. These past 9 months being unemployed and down on my luck in every way have been the hardest of my life, and I honestly wonder whether they understand how hard it really is just for us to survive. My uncle and grandma both have a lot of money and have never had to struggle to stay afloat (my mom's words, not mine). This possibility of a temporary home has given me hope, and I just wish we could get a little more support.

 

I understand they're doing us a favor by opening this possibility back up, but we have had the worst luck possible lately in every aspect, and all we're asking is for someone to try to understand. I'm not slacking off while being unemployed (though my grandma berates me every time I see her for being an idiot for losing my job); I work hard every day, and I go to bed every night wondering how long I have before I have no where to go at all. And sometimes I wonder why I keep struggling at all. There have been times when I've considered ending it all, to make it easier on everyone.

 

No one owes us any favors, but I would hope that my grandma would at least have a little heart...

[crispyO]

I know this is absurd. But, one thing you should know. - your life is so much better than at least thousands of people. since you have such a great life, you should be relaxed and keep trying to work it out. Good luck.

 

By the way, both my paternal and maternal grandparents are all dead.