Butterfly1607308323 Posted July 17, 2010 Share Posted July 17, 2010 I know I already posted before but this cant get out of my mind. We were PERFECT for each other..I mean he loved me.. everybody saw it...people are shocked that he left me... Why did he tell me he loved me, adored me and that I was the last person on earth that he wants to hurt but he cant feel the spark in the relationship anymore and ended it. He said it was the hardest thing for him blablabla... Of course I got mad but I HAVE reasons to be mad.. he is giving up on our 2 and a half years together for...nothing. I mean we could have worked this out.. The routine kicked in, we just needed to put back the spark in our relationship... I tried to hurt him by saying stuff like youre leaving the person who would have done anything for you... now we havent spoken since he left me. He immediately went on to someone else a day after... or probably just left me so he wouldnt feel bad about having feelings for someone else. He of course flirted with her on his wall, put pictures of them kissing etc... WHY DIDNT HE JUST SAY ITS OVER I DONT LOVE YOU ANYMORE I MOVED ON... I am so mad... hurt... I just really wonder what goes on into a person who dumps someone.... why couldnt he have just said he didnt love me anymore... Link to comment
Wildflower88 Posted July 17, 2010 Share Posted July 17, 2010 I know your hurt, I know your lost.. these feelings.. they will go away I promise. Nothing anyone says can comfort you because its never going to be exactly what you want to hear. I wish I could hug you! He wont come out and say it, because he saying that may ruin him messing with your head later on down the line. It may ruin him getting to "hook up" with you. You deserve sommeone that will be good to you, commit to you and be only yours. This other girl, she is a rebound and she will be gone before you know it.. but you have to start looking for a light at the end of your tunnel I know your sad but you have to see that there is life after this, there is love after this.. I promise you there is Link to comment
WomanWriter Posted July 17, 2010 Share Posted July 17, 2010 He wasn't worth having if he could leave you for someone else. I think this is way too common. People go along for the ride, then leave when the next opportunity for a honeymoon stage comes along. People just don't value commitment no matter they say. It seems almost everyone thinks that if you aren't feeling the sparks all the time, something is wrong. But that's a lie. It's life. You aren't supposed to be happy 100 percent of the time. Does that mean you should commit suicide if you are bored or sad sometimes? People expect perfection. It is part of our nature, but it is sad. You need smoeone who understands that life has ups and downs...maybe someone who has been through tough times and has come out resilient. It's hard to know how a person is going to be in the end when they are lovey dovey at first, but I can say from experience that you should find out their definition of love early on. If they think it's all sparks and rainbows, I'd run. If they think it's based on commitment and choice, they are a keeper. Link to comment
Butterfly1607308323 Posted July 17, 2010 Author Share Posted July 17, 2010 I am so hurt.. I need him right now... He was my love and my best friend... And I feel like I should fight for us.. We had something so special. and we had so much to look forward to and we were into a pretty serious relationship.. his family loved me.... At the same time... I dont want to be his friend because ill always want to be than just friends and that wouldnt be fair... for either of us... but I cant let go of the fact that maybe just maybe he is going throught a mid life crisis in his 20's and he panicked and now he is all over the place.. Im just giving him space right now... and its been 15 days since we havent spoken at all.. Link to comment
Butterfly1607308323 Posted July 18, 2010 Author Share Posted July 18, 2010 By the way, the girl is some skank I went to school and worked with. NOT a good girl. Its obviously not going to last.. I just cant understand what the ****** is he doing... Link to comment
Brig Posted July 18, 2010 Share Posted July 18, 2010 I'm smack dab in the middle of the same thing and I feel the same way. I've been sick over mine. I know exactly what you are going through. I wish I could help. It's so painful I know. I'm sorry. Link to comment
AutumnBorn Posted July 18, 2010 Share Posted July 18, 2010 Butterfly and Brig, None of us can help how we feel or don't feel. As much as we wish one existed, there is no switch which can be flipped to turn feelings off or on. They did the best they could with the skills they have. It's sad we believe there must be a "spark" in order to love someone. That chemical reaction isn't love, it's a neurological reaction which compels us to mate to keep our species going. Once the spark is gone, and it will be, what is left? Most relationships never make it past that point and make it to bliss. Both of you need to get copies of Uncoupling, if you haven't read it already. It will tear you apart and lift you up in the end, but all the answers to the "whys" are there, if you want to read them. Not a relationship book, it's a sociology book, but it's the most powerful book on relationships I've ever read. Life changing. Then, I recommend you read Al Turtle's blog to help understand how relationships should work and how to deal with the issues which will come up in future relationships: link removed When you're done, read them again. Turtle's blog should probably be read multiple times. It's excellent. I think Al could have saved even my marriage, if we'd had him instead of the inept counselor we had. If she knew anything about relationship dynamics, she never shared it with us. Link to comment
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