Foreign love

[Cheyae]

Right now I'm dating a really nice guy: very respectful; not at all pushy; tall, dark, and handsome; overall an amazing person. We're a classic case of opposites attract, but in the time we've been together we've never had an argument. The problem is, he's from Peru.

I'm not racist. In fact, that's partially why I was attracted to him in the first place. But he's been talking about taking me back home with him. I lived in California all my life until I came to school in Utah, where we met. What I'm trying to figure out is: is it worth it to leave everything - my family, my friends, my country - and go somewhere completely foreign to stay with the man I love?

It might not even come to that; he might choose to stay in the states, but we'd probably take an extended vacation to visit his home.

[annie24]

welcome to enotalone. how long have you been dating? is he determined to go back to peru? have you visited and met his family yet? i might go for a visit and see how you like it there before opening or closing any doors on this relationship.

[marshmlofluff]

One interesting thing I have found is that people have different personalities in different places. When BF visits me (out of state) he is this sweet, timid, mild mannered guy. When I go to visit him in his hometown, and he is on his own turf, he is totally different; he's more confident, almost aggressive. I like both sides of his personality, but they are very different. So to add onto Annie's advice, part of liking Peru would be to see whether you like the person your BF is in Peru.

[Cheyae]

We've been dating for just over a month, but keep in mind this is BYU, where if you've been in a relationship for more than 4 months and you're not engaged, something's wrong with you. The problem with my going to Peru at this point in our relationship is that his family is already jumping to conclusions. If I was to go there with him and meet his family, I'd feel almost guilt tripped into marrying him.

As it is, my options are rapidly dwindling to two: say yes or break his heart.

[annie24]

i think 1 month is too early to make these life altering decisions about a man you hardly know. i would be careful and move slowly.

[geekgirl4]

Hmm, is it possible to visit Peru with 2 other friends, so that it seems more like a trip of friends? That might lessen the idea that the son is bringing a girl home, and more like son is bringing his good friends home. I say 2 so that while you and the bf are getting to know Peru more privately, the 2 friends can also keep eachother's company. I realllllly recommend checking the place out before making any decisions. And to be honest, overall, I think its much too fast to be making a life changing move. Don't go by what the standards are in BYU, go by the factors that really affect the decisions - are you ready? will you be able to have your own life in Peru? will this bf be a source of strength for you while you adjust? can you see yourself with this bf as long term? do you know your bf really well?