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My first and worst breakup, advice?


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Ok, this will be a longer one, sorry guys.


well, i met this guy and we were together a year 1/2. he was my first boyfriend (im 17). he literally worshiped the ground i walked on for the first year we went out, but he had a lot of insecurities. he always thought i would be talking to other guys, he needed to know where i was and what i was doing every second of the day (so much as i didnt text him for 10 minutes he would get very nervous) things like that. for example, i would be driving home in a terrible storm on the highway could barely see and he wouldnt stop callign even though i told him i couldnt talk (just one of a wholeeee lot). i tried to talk calmy to him, but this got old fast...and i stayed paitent and nice about it for a long time but after a year i really got mad. i WOULD curse at him and call him names, needless to say this stoped. and now i feel really, really bad for it. but i apologized and stop this behavior after about a month. and he stoped texting and calling and nagging constantly.

our year anniversay, was the first time he lied to me. about drinking with his friends. it wouldnt have been a big deal if he just told me the truth but i basically lost trust after that. now this guy started to get mean..really mean over the next 6 months. he would call me horrible names and curse me out all the time. he would get better for a week and then do it all over again. he began drinking more and more, since his friends are big drinkers i think this had a lot to do with it. i didnt understand because this guy said he would never treat me like this, and i never had to worry, and i was the love of his life. i literally tried everything...and all he did was treat me like shi*. he would drunk dial me and curse me off...things got really bad. and then he would apologize, but apologies came less and less. he would act like fighting was a game, always trying to "win". it was very childish..but i just wondered where my old boyfriend went and hoped he would come back so i stayed.

i broke up with him finally, because i couldnt stand the emotional abuse he was putting me threw. i knew it was the right choice, but i immediately regretted it since i still loved him. i drove to his house and begged. all night. in front of everyone (there was what do you know a drinking party at his house) and an hour into our breakup he hooked up with a girl and two days later had another sleep over his house. he would call and tell me he missed me, i said he needs to get serious help and stop drinking. he said he would. he did, for a week or two, and then ended his attempt to getting me back. so my senior prom was ruined, yippe.

he drinks every single night now, and it pleases his friends which is why he loves it so much i guess. his mom is also an alcoholic...which doesnt help. he started to text me and say he misses me, call me and says he misses me, and still loves me. when i call him, he answers and curses me off in front of all his friends and sends me the most hurtful horrible text messages. i know, this sounds so horrible, i have NO IDEA why im upset over a guy like this but i am. i never want to get back with him again, but in a way i just want him to want me.

in our realtionship, i never cheated, never lied, my parents were so good to him, he has dinner with us every night, i gave all the love i could give. and he just, changed. i would take back the clingy guy if i could now...and i know this isnt my fault but it just hurts so bad. he got me a promise ring, told me he wanted to marry me..said he would never leave me...said if we ever broke up he would be upset for months...so many things. ive come to learn talk is cheap, but after a year i really believed him. and it hurts so bad he deliberately tries to humiliate me in front of his friends (his friends treat all their girlfriends like sh*t) i guess hes in the in crowd now..

its so hard because i would spend everyday with him (not healthy i know) but not only was he my boyfriend he was my BEST FRIEND. and my other best friend since 5th grade, hates me now, why ? i honestly, dont know. her boyfriend has a lot to do with it hating my ex. i can honestly say i didnt do any wrong with her, and i need her right now and i dont have her there for me. she turned 3 of my other friends against me, just what i need. my ex bf knows this, and still treats me horribly....which i would never expect from the guy i USE TO KNOW.

so basically, i feel like a bullied loser with no friends and i was dumped and laughed at by all of my exs friends too (who i considered my friends but obviously they would stand by him in the end) . i dont call or text my ex, but he use to call and text me saying he missed me, i would text back and basically he would reel me in then yank the carpet from beneath me and enjoy seeing me upset. i feel like he tries to put little thing for me to see that would bother me so i could call and ask about it and he can say to his friends "see shes insane she wont leave me alone" all these mind games suck. im trying not to play into them.

we've been broken up since the end of may, so about a month and a half. keep in mind he tried getting me back for about 3 weeks (lol) then ended the effort...which i really hoped he would continue because i really didnt ask for much.


-will he ever change? or come back? what do you think? and what do you think i should do?

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This guy has a lot of issues and it sounds like he's dangerous to himself and you. He is not going to change and, if he ever does, it will only happen when he's ready. He doesnt respect you and his controlling ways in the beginning of the relationship should not be taken lightly. Its unhealthy. He's your first love but definitely wont be your last. Learn from this and move on.

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My first love went a similar way. We tried to make it work time and time again, naively believing it would get better, but it didn't. Nothing REALLY changed. I take no pleasure in agreeing with preciousgirl82, but it's true. You do need to move on.

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