Help

[VictorVic]

Hi guys,

 

I recently was asked to give space and time to my g/f of 3 years.

 

We were talking about the future and wether we would be happy together in the long run and where we were going to live and when we would get married. We didn't have everything in common, but it was ovbious we both loved each other for a long time. It wasn't like things were going bad leading into last month but it all fell apart after I got really drunk one night and yelled at her for no reason. Its not like me to yell, but I did and really hurt her feelings. Now she has taken the last month to think about our relationship and see if it makes sense to try again, but she needs time to make sure if we start again, the only outcome is marriage.

 

I did no contact for a week but I saw her last week and we chatted nicely. I saw her yesterday and I told her everything I felt. I am changing the things she was concerned with. I am in the best shape of my life, I havent drank since the breakup and she knows this because her friends still see me every now and then, and I am becoming a better person each day. I will see her in 2 weeks at a mutual friends party and lately things have been better between us two. I know she still loves me, she tells me she loves me and always will. I am the only guy she has ever been serious with and I know deep down she only wanted one man for her whole life.

 

Any suggestions? What should I act like at the party? I don't want us to be seperated any longer then we have too. By then it will have been 6 weeks, which feels like an enternity

[bwhite00]

Kudos on your sobriety as I've been sober 6 months and after a break-up it was extremely difficult to do it.

 

Substance abuse (alcohol included) is detrimental to relationships and you've taken affirmative action to ammend that behavior. Your best bet is to show her through your actions you're willing to change the harmful behaviors in your life to have a future with her.

 

You probably hurt her feelings after your outburst but you are human, and as such you make mistakes. It's how you deal with these mistakes and learn from them which will make you a better person. Apologize-sincerely- and do this one time when the time is right. Maybe give her flowers with a nice card saying 'Thinking of you-sorry for my hurtful behavior' probably wouldn't be a bad idea, just don't overdo it!

 

It's not an easy task, especially after a break-up but just take it a day at a time and things will improve. One of two things will happen: 1) she'll recognize you've changed for the best and will work on rebuilding things with you or 2) you'll heal much more completely by staying sober, move on and do your best not to make the same mistakes in your next relationship!

[VictorVic]

Thank you for your response,

 

I want to make it clear I am not or never was an alcholic. I would socially drink but along with my friends, we would drink a little overboard. I usually only drank on the weekends. Drinking socially was something I enjoyed, but I am ready to just about give it up totally. A few beers max but I don't ever want to lose control and hurt someone who means the world to me. She knows I am trying and she knows I am making changes so quickly after the breakup. I hope she knows how much she means to me and I don't want to get back together to just get back together....I want to marry this girl. I am 26 and this might be the wake up call I need to get my crap together and grow up.

[bwhite00]

Oh I know but even those who drink socially can cause pretty serious mental damage to loved ones either on accident or on purpose. My point is: love is hard to find and even harder to hold on to.

 

Since the argument occurred while you were under the influence, showing her you're not going to get drunk again and become angry is a step in the right Direction.

 

Now you just need patience and faith.

[VictorVic]

Thank you.

 

It feels good to express myself to others.

 

I have expressed my change and my desire to change to her, now it will just take time for her to see how serious I am. Its not just talk, I am becoming a better person each day.