Having trouble connecting to people in the community..?

[smtkin]

Hi, I'm a 20 year old lesbian that lives in Los Angeles with an issue that has been effecting me for a few years now. I'll start off with a little intro and then hop into my issue so it's easier to understand. Please stick through the intro.

 

Labels aren't really me. If I had to describe myself, I am neither like a stud or a femme. I'm somewhere in the middle. I love sports, hiking, the beach, going out to eat, and just chilling with people without partying. I am not pretty by many peoples standards, but I am comfortable in my own skin. I believe that I have a big heart because I forgive people before they even apologize or even if they don't. I am not a sexual person. I would rather cuddle all night long and just sleep beside you than have sex with you. I am motivated to help people. I am staying on track in school, so I can do so by becoming a cop.

 

I was born in Moscow. I moved to LA and then a suburb of LA when I was 5. I came out to my parents three times over the past years and all three times I received negative responses. I still have to hide myself from them and all of my family, even my brother. Most of my high school friends are very religious. Their opinions of homosexual relationships vary from good to bad, but most if not all accept me. I have a handful of gay friends, many of whom I've met online/live faraway since I am PC gamer. In reality, only one classmate from college that I am friends with is gay and I know in person.

 

This leads me to my issue. I live in LA, one of the top places to find gay people in California. I've tried to connect to the community in a few ways, but I've always seemed to not exactly "fit in". I've tried joining the gay club at my college, but I felt awkward and there was already a set in group of friends. I've tried connecting with people through an online site, but most of the people were just desperately looking for a relationship. I've tried connecting to people that I know are gay through places I visit often, but I never got to the friendship level with them. I've been planning to go to a club, but I already have an understand that it will not be my scene since I do not drink, smoke, dance or like to party.

 

One question that might come to your mind is well "maybe your not comfortable with your sexuality", but I believe I am. When me and my ex dated, sure I had to hide it from my family, but I never hid it from the world. From people on the streets to my friends, they all knew and understood I had a girl and I was not afraid to show them. I know who I am and nothing will change me.

 

I feel like my issue comes around to me not being able to relate to people in the community. What do you guys/ladies think? Any solutions? All help, no matter how little, is appreciated.

 

Thanks for listening!!!! Even if you end up not replying.

[teabee]

Hey smtkin. If you are finding that the typical gay community is not really "you," are you sure you want to keep trying to connect to it? Can you change your focus to something broader and start looking for a community that is nonjudgmental, but not necessarily for gay or lesbian people exclusively?