Advice please

[Eric2121]

So my girlfriend broke up with me recently and I still can't really figure out what happened. Everything was fine when we were together and we never got into one argument or disagreement. When we first started dating, we were seeing each other every day because of school, but after school got out, we didn't see each other as much (maybe three days a week) because she got a second job to help pay for school. I was perfectly fine with not seeing her as much because I understood that she needed to do this. We would still talk to each other everyday quite a bit and every thing seemed fine, until the day before she broke up with me. She asked me where I thought our relationship was going and I said that I thought it would continue because things had been going good. She then said that she was confused and needed to talk about it. The next day she broke up with me and said God doesn't want her to be in a relationship at that time and that it had nothing to do with me, but with our relationship. Her parents and family weren't happy with her decision, but they understood. Since then, we've talked a few times and she said she doesn't want to talk as much as we talked before saying that it will help both of us not to talk that much, but she still wants to be friends and also doesn't want to talk about the past or live in it. And it just seems like I am sadder than she is. Basically, I am trying to figure out what actually happened and if this is just completely over now with no chance of her possibly changing her mind?

 

Thank you very much for your help.

[bungalo]

I've heard the God line before too as a breakup reason. This is a good one. Kind of hard to challenge an authority like that isn't it? I think it's pure BS and cowardice on her part.

 

The problem is, a lot of people don't really know what kills the attraction for them...and often it changes and swirls around, but they just know

that it ain't working for them.

 

Furthermore, knowing the reason usually will not make you feel any better.

If it's real concrete like...they fall in love with someone they like better...well as painful as that is, at least you can wrap your head around it. The ever popular "something's missing" is one of my favorites. Usually when you ask them just WHAT is missing they say, I don't know.

 

Sorry for your pain. Take care of yourself. Speaking of God, I've been

thinking tonight, that being a dumpee is God's way of telling us that the rel/ship wasn't right for us either...Bung

[lkm370]

God told me to end the realtionship... * * * ?!

[Carry On]

I'm right there with you man... My ex broke up with me almost three months ago with similar wishy-washiness and claims to God's plan. Like you, I felt like nothing was wrong; aside from the fact that we were in a LDR post-college, it seemed like things were going great. Fortunately she hasn't tried to put me through the pain of keeping me around in the friendzone (though that brings its own brand of pain).

 

I've spent a long time dwelling on this, and I think I can understand where she is coming from. We're young and, especially as someone religious, there can be a lot of pressure to find "the one" and settle down. So, at some point the regrets and "what-ifs" can start popping into her mind, wondering if there truly isn't something different for her out there, and whether she should be casting her lot in so early with me. I think it boils down to having some independence. My ex and I met during college, and she currently lives with her mom, so she has never really gotten to experience true independence, and I think that colors her view. Detaching from me is one way of trying to experience that independence. It sucks that it is happening, but at the same time, it's better for her to be wondering this now, rather than to rush into marriage, or to string me along for years and THEN have these doubts.

 

For what it's worth, at this point I feel grateful to my ex that she broke it off. I still love her and miss her like hell, and I hope everyday that she will come back... But I simultaneously have come to recognize a lot of issues with myself--insecurity, inadvertent pressuring, complacency, etc.--as well as with her and the relationship. So, I already know I am a better person for it, and if she ever comes back she will be a better person and our relationship will be better. If she doesn't come back, then I'll just be all the more prepared when the right lady does come along

 

I'm pulling for you.