It has been 2 1/2 weeks

[mrbaldy]

Okay all,

 

I am having some real trouble this week, My fiance and I had been together 4 years and engaged for 6 months, she is 21 I am 27. We have lived together for about 3 1/2 years. She all of a sudden told me she was leaving because she wanted to be independent and on her own, and for us to start over and go out on dates.... ect. None of our friends had any idea, nor her parents as her mom and dad called me to ask me what in the heck happened. She left on a monday and went cross country with her mom and grandfather to Grand canyon, yellowstone, ect. for 3 weeks. She called me that monday night to tell me she was doing that, then she called me that thursday, (I was drunk and couldn't talk very well). I called her on sunday (1 week) to talk a little to her, ask her what she wanted me to do with the rest of her stuff, bring it somewhere or what and she said no she would come pick it up. I told her that I would give her, her space and not call her that she could call me, It has now been a week and a half and I have not heard from her. I was fine but as the days go by and she has not called to even say hey, I am falling further and further. I sit here at work now shaking, I want so bad just to talk to her for a little bit, but I am trying to stick to my NC.

 

I would really like to work things out, I do believe that she absolutly loves me, I just think she is "finding" herself and is depressed. She was never really good at comunicating, I always had to pull stuff out of her. You never realize the things you had until they are gone. Now I just can't do anything, I have lost almost 14lbs in 2 weeks, I am sleeping about 2-4hours a night, working 10-12 hour days just because I do not want to go home to an empty room.

 

I guess the question is, do I call her? I am wondering if she is not waiting for me to call to see if I really do love her. We had, had some problems the last couple of months with arguing. Also part of our troubles were that she just didn't seem like she wanted to have sex, which is important to me in a relationship. I know now looking back on a lot of things that I gave her many reasons to want to go, and those are things I need to address myself, but I do not want to loose her, and I really need my best friend to talk to... Can anyone help?

[Hopingpraying]

Mrbaldy,

 

No.... Do not call her. Don't tell her you are going to give her space and then do exactly the opposite. Trust me this does not help. If anything it is just as hard on her as it is you to not be talking to you. That is if she has the same feelings for you that you have for her.

As for you beating yourself about what you should or should not have done, don't do this. There is no point in that. In each relationship everyone has issues and problems to deal with. Relationships are not an easy thing. The thing that she will have to realize is just that, there is no such thing as a perfect relationship, and I don't think she will be able to get into a relationship with a man where sex is not important. Being intimate with one another is something each of you should enjoy together, not dread.. Don't take this as something is wrong with you, it just happened for whatever reason.

 

You have to be strong if nothing else. Just hope that she calls you, then you won't be the one bugging her. Nothing turns a girl off more than a needy man.. You said you would not call to bug her, she heard you, so it is up to her to initiate the contact..... Hope this helps.

[mrbaldy]

Yeah it helps, it is just destroying me, the swing side is that I think when she gets back she may move back to florida because she doesn't have the means to live here on her own. I just want to be able to talk about our issues. When I said I saw the things that I did, I didn't mean who I was I meant for instance I had been drinking more and for some reason when I drank I would get mad at myself or get angry with her and start to walk home. I know that I have some turmoil inside myself that I need to deal with, but I want her to know that I would like for her to help and that I do recognise that as a problem (which I didn't before she left).