Tired of thinking about your ex? Take action and try out some meditation

[jellysandwich]

If you're thinking a lot about your ex, or even if you're just bothered by thinking about your ex at all, I hope you can take some "time" to try this out (you'll understand why "time" is in quotes at the end).

 

This is a great little link removed I used after the breakup. For me, it worked great. Mostly because I dedicated myself to it and other techniques as well. For other people ... well, that is what I would like to find out. Kind of like a little experiment. Note that this post is based on my experience, so you do not have to follow it word for word. Feel free to come up with something different yourself.

 

The goal of the technique is to separate yourself from your mind. That is, separate yourself from the thoughts that cause you pain and suffering (i.e., the breakup). This is one of those things that can't really be explained well, but instead needs to be experienced.

 

Many of you probably think one dimensionally about yourselves. I, me, myself ... all the same entity. What I'm going to do here is try to introduce a second entity of yourself: a spirit so to speak. So, imagine that you are a spirit trapped within your body. You have been trapped inside for x number of years. But today, for some odd reason, a stranger by the name of jellysandwich comes by and tells you that you can get out. That you're not trapped at all. You become curious by this statement, and you become a little excited. You want to see what's out there.

 

You start to reach out. First your right hand. Then your right arm. Slowly, the rest of your body follows. Your head, your shoulder, your feet, your leg ... on and on, until you are completely free. What do you know? You can get out! You, the spirit, has finally left your body.

 

Take a walk around. You're free, so enjoy it! Look around the room, the walls, the computer area. Take as long as you want and enjoy the view. When's the last time you took time to enjoy the beauty of this place?

 

Now, time for business. Try to find a place that's comfortable: a seat, a bed, a wall, or a ceiling. Take a deep breath, and then slowly turn your gaze towards your body. Take a good hard look at yourself, the body. Look at yourself, and then listen to what you're thinking about. I'll repeat that again: listen to what you're thinking about. Here is an example:

 

"What am I, the body, thinking of now? I am thinking about my ex. I am thinking about the good times with her. I am feeling happy. I miss her. Now, I am thinking about the bad times with her. I am thinking about the breakup. I am thinking about what went wrong. I am feeling sad and depressed."

 

Here's the key point: Do this objectively, without any kind of judgment or condemnation. You are merely observing what is happening to yourself (the body) from yourself (the spirit). Don't question why you're thinking about it or why you're feeling a certain way. Just accept it as it is. "I am thinking of this, I am feeling that." If you visited the link removed I posted earlier, you'll realize that this is a practice of "witnessing the mind"; you are separating yourself from your mind and thoughts, which are the cause of your pain and suffering.

 

Get the idea? Every time you start to think about your ex, every time you start to feel down about yourself, try to remember this technique. You don't need to go through the entire exercise, of course. That was just an introduction. Instead, you can simply take a deep breath and say to yourself, "I am thinking about my ex again. I am feeling ..."

 

So try it out. It's very simple to do, and doesn't really take "time" to do it. Instead of spending time thinking about your ex, spend your time thinking about yourself thinking about your ex. Do it for a few days, or maybe a few weeks. Do it as best you can and as often as you can. You can't really fail, so there's no pressure whatsoever.

 

I'll admit that this will be difficult to maintain at first, lasting maybe only a few seconds before you go back to your regular thoughts. That's fine though. The beauty of this whole thing is that it's very similar to things like swimming and biking. Once you learn it, you never forget. It improves the more you practice it, and it stays with you permanently. And the more you practice it, the better.

 

PS. To be honest, this technique can apply to anything, not just when you're feeling down. Literally, anything. Any time you want, just say to yourself, "I am thinking about x."

 

If you think you've got this technique down, you can try an even link removed. In this one, you attempt to stop your thinking altogether. Here's a very quick preview: Take a deep breath. Now take another one. Now do this eight more times.

 

Done? Did you notice anything? As you were taking the deep breaths, you were so focused on it that you were not thinking.

[ramsickle1369]

i will have to look into this link. I have PTSD and talked about this with my therapist. Maybe this will give me a tool when I reach those moments I'm dying to talk to him. Thanks for sharing. I'll let ya know how it goes!

[abigheart]

Thanks for posting this jellysandwich.

 

I took a meditation class a few months ago, and I wish a lot of the practices and values I learned were things I carried for good.

 

I'll try this out though! I want to be a more positive person in general...I'm a huge pessimist so all the reason to try.

[jennb0benn]

Great post.

[incaangelique]

This really calmed me tonight. Thank you.

[anu1560]

The first two months of my break up, I did meditate and it helped me a lot to be calm. It didn't take away all my pain and anger and sadnees, but it did help me feel lot lot better. And I would reccomend people to do this for other things too. It is really tough initially as jellysandwich said, but once you get it in your life, it just makes you feel so calm and peaceful. But I also feel that you should greive your loss once in a while and let things out. It helps in your depression.