My family is very broken. Comments please

[lost1164]

This is my story and it barely scratches the surface of a lost and confused man, trying to advise a counselor of the issues at hand. My wife had a drug problem before we were together. Due to issues in our marriage me and her (I'm not clamming to be perfect I admit to having a part in the relationship problems) along with personal family problems she started using again. Which the problems over the last two years had showing in hindsight. But it was completely oblivious to me until it came to a head. When the police came to our home and arrested her for drug thief. I bailed her out and took the children from her and made her leave.

 

Between the person see had become (withdrawing, Sick all the time, and checked out) the arrest, lies, home lost, children's saving accounts lost, Ira's lost, thousands of dollars stolen, and the emotional and physical abuse she inflected to my stepdaughter in front of all the children (which I was raised not to go against another parents punishment and decisions) I bit my tongue and allowed it to happen and feel guilty that I didn't protector her, along with emotion abuse I received, and self-esteem I've lost. I know I had checked out a long time ago and went with the punches to keep the family together. And I now realize the paradox we created and no one was happy. I felt Violated and betrayed that she could choose drugs over our family along with all the other betrayals. I've been hurting angry and lashing out at her when she was attempting to talk to me. All along the way I’m trying to raise 3 children by myself.

 

While her life has also been in turmoil ups and downs living with friends. With very little money none at times and disconnected from her entire family from other issues too. So for three months I've been a single father (with the absence of the family bread winner she was a nurse and I a stay at home dad) raising 3 children. Two being biological and a stepchild I've raised for over nine years, from two and half years of age. Which in a fit of desperation over this she told her I was not her father and who was. Me and her still have a good relationship (but that hurt me emotional and possibly in the future when she don't want to listen and may throw it in my face I hope it don't happen). My financial issues, cars broken down in the shop with very little money. Living off the money my parents have paid for my van and rental house for now. (But they can't do any more financially and work full time unable to babysit.) The uncertainty of where we'll move next, where the money will come from, where the kids will go to school. The anger, rage, Confusion, and rollercoaster of how and why this could happen.

 

 

I've hurt her deeply emotional through my anger and grief (I know I've been ugly and mean). One issue that deeply troubles her is after this happened she was 1000 miles away. I took the ability from her to return to her home state for one day she had an undependable car and no money. I told her tuff this is your mess. I did help her the next day but the terror of this happening and feeling abandoned has had a great effect on her. That was regrettable but I was hurting also. She was staying with a friend taking her out to bars. She setup things up to try and make me jealous. Told me about a blind date she was setup on unknowingly. All being attacks on our relationship also. Well I was lost and deal with 3 children. Trying to process what has happens to our life. In these last three months.

 

About Two month into the drama she checked out and stopped caring. Started to talk to another man in her life now. And that brought another round of emotions causing me to pull back further and build up more resentment, then lash out at her verbally, and finally realize there are enough feelings there to want to save the marriage while there is something left to save. Neither of us wants things like they were and there are many deep core issues we need to work on. I want to start a new life with her and work the problems out in counseling slowly. She is confused and says she don't love me anymore and blames me from braking the "for better or worst" vows and the feeling of abandonment for with-drawing support which I alimentally gave. This by no means has been easy on me or her. I really need something not to be broken. Something to go my way the drama has to stop. I can't take another broken thing I'm beat and at the end my rope. I need help and don't know what to do.

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I have not worked in 9 years and not sure how to start again right now emotional and physically. The child care costs the single parent dilemma with being responsible for sick kids, doctor appt, school issues, and possible physiological effects in school, home, and friends of this broken family.

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I'm lost and at my wits end and can't take another let down its too hard. Help me please someone. Help me!