Why did she contact me after she said she was done for good?

[onescruluse]

ok this may be a really old subject, but im going to see if anyone responds. i dated this girl for 1.5 yrs, split but did the whole friends thing (together but not together)for 6months. i was finishing up my degree, one month left, and needed to spend a ton of time studying. i told her i needed a break from us to concentrate on finishing up. she fought it tooth and nail but finally backed down. i took the break, we txted and met every so often for food or to hang for about an hour or two. i went to Colorado for a week. used that time to clear my head of school and some other things. i came back into town to talk to her about getting back together and pretty much proposing to her. i went to her house to talk to her, she didnt know i was coming. there was another guy at her house when i stopped by. needless to say i had a heart attack right there in the driveway. anyways, spent the next 4-5 days begging and pleading, i know, i know, that was dumb, whatever. went no contact for about 5 days and i get this random txt from her saying "if it makes you feel any better, hes cheating on me". i asked her if she wanted to talk, she said she couldnt right now. two days went by, didnt hear anything. went by her house and the guys truck was back again. needless to say i got super pissed. so i called her to tell her she couldnt just text me at random times to tell me whats going on in her new "rebound". she called me back and chewed me out pretty good and then told me he was spending the nite at her house. to me, that was my closure and immediately deleted all of her info outta my phone and anywhere else that there were traces of her. so that was like a week ago. on july 4th, i get another txt from her wishing me a happy fourth of july. * * * ! she said she was done with me and i with her. why the hell is she txting me??? oh and by the way, im not an angel in this whole situation. the last six months of our relationship, i had some pretty hardcore noncommital tendencies but never cheated or anything. just had a hard time making that decision to take the next step...but that was it, i treated her well and never tried to change her or anything. idk what the hell is going on. its on been a month since we parted ways...

[MikNomis]

You two will not be getting back together, that much is pretty certain. Your ex is simply exhibiting a common behavior where they continue to test you and fish for your attention because it makes them feel good. The words they say mean little to nothing; it's just the best way to get your attention that's all. I advise you take this to heart and forget about her and move on.

[Sports Fan]

^^^ Agreed. if you keep giving her attention, she'll have the upper hand. Absolutely go no contact and if she calls, texts, emails, whatever, ignore her.

[faithful14]

ignore.ignore.ignore.

[onescruluse]

yeah you are probably right. heres the thing, when i found out about the other guy, she seemed to be really caught off guard with the stuff that i said to her about wanting to not be with anyone else at all and wanting to have a family with her and to have a life with her and her alone. she said that she had lost herself in our relationship and needed to get happy again. lol, i was so confused as to why she would need to be in another relationship, and so fast to find these things. im 100% sure shes in a rebound but i know that doesnt mean anything as far as us getting back together. i talked to her the morning after i found out. i went to her house, sat her down and looked her straight in the eye and put everything out on the table. she said that even if there wasnt another guy that she couldnt get back with me anytime soon because of the hurt that i caused her. i confessed to being an SOB and that i know now how bad it hurt her. i told her i understood what she was saying and that i wish things were different. i went home, sent her a couple of txts saying that i wasnt giving up and that i wanted to win her heart back. she came over to my house a couple hours later and we talked some more. she and i both said the exact same things over that we had said earlier. but this time when i said what i had said before, she teared up a bunch of times. she asked why couldnt i have said these things some time ago. i guess my head wasnt in the right place to do so, i was scared of commitment i guess. not that i didnt want to be with her, but just taking that leap in general. this is the kicker, she walked up to me and kissed me, then she left. then thats when the onslaught of txts from me to her began, and so forth and so on...

im the longest relationship she had ever been in, the longest before me was only 6months. i know that the guy shes with has got nothing on me as far as looks and personality. hes a major douche, and he cheated on her already and it hasnt even been a month yet, and they are still together!? ive been doing the no contact thing and trying to move on, but it seems like anytime i get to a point where im moving in the right direction, she pops up with a txt. idk if shes not feeling this relationship already and trying to keep herself in my mind or what. i still love her a lot and i dont think thats going to go away anytime soon. i know in time i may feel differently but as for now, i know what i feel. she also said at one point that she had to do "this" for a little while and then we could see where we stand. yeah, i dont effen understand that at all one bit. we were so great together! we came from the same background, same kind of social history, her family loved me and mine her. i know that my noncommital tendencies played a huge part in the break up but im trying not to beat myself up over it. i mean, i guess it would be different if i had tried to get her back and didnt come clean on any of the mistakes that i made. i know shes in a rebound and that everything that shes said and done and what hes done so far are all ingredients in a recipe for disaster, which by no means does that mean shes coming back, i know...but i know people who have gotten back together over worse things. we had a great friendship as a foundation for the relationship. doesnt that count for anything???

[MikNomis]

Of course they all count for something, it's just that nothing matters when they have decided they don't want to be together with you anymore. Wondering any further only serves to emotionally drain you. You need to NC, you really do right now.

[onescruluse]

yeah i have been, i feel like with her last txt, that she was just "fishing" for something. i know that you dont know her or her thoughts. i know her well but def never will i ever claim to know what shes thinking. i really hope that she doesnt txt again but ya never know. things could be really crappy for her and shes trying to reach out, idk...nevertheless, i know that i need to move on. i know that neither one of us would be datable right now if things were to head in the direction of us getting back together. i know, like i said that this guy doesnt hold a candle to my flame but he was the first one to show attention when i wasnt, so hes got me there. she may see that im moving on and not sitting around pining for her like she thinks. i know she stalks my FB page. ive been working toward buying/building a house and its all over my page. the day after i posted pics and whatnot, thats when i got the txt. i really feel like that last txt is not the last that i have heard from her forever...she got into another relationship before ours was even close to being done. so she carried all of that baggage into this relationship along with the fact that i know she still has feelings for me. so idk, im sure i will hear from her again. whats that saying, "they always come back, eventually". i know that they dont always but ya know what im saying. right now i would consider taking her back, along with a lot of work and time, but the longer it goes on the less i want her back. i still love her with all that i am. it sux really bad to be in this position, especially if you know you will hear from them again eventually...

[onescruluse]

its been over a week since we had a convo and a few days since she went "fishing" with her last txt. i honestly feel like i will hear from her again by the end of the week. but i will not respond whatsoever, unless she saying that they broke up and that she wants to talk. anything other than that is just BS...

[onescruluse]

yeah i have been ignoring and thats not easy by any means. i still wish things were different but in time i know that could and possibly will change. i know that i left a void when this ended. i know what i brought to the table. she knows it too. and i know that shes probably feeling it, eventhough theres someone else there. i know that no one could fill my shoes and im not trying to toot my own horn but its true. i still have a feeling that she will still try and "fish" for any kind of response from me again ya know.

[MikNomis]

Hang in there, and remind yourself that her contacting you, predictably even, does not mean she wants to get back together with you. Try your best to not respond to her texts, because it will only delay your healing.

[onescruluse]

i know that this is a big what if, but ya know, what if she does try and reconcile. i have no idea what i would say or do. i would probably just eff it up again.

[MikNomis]

You should not say yes right away, for a couple of reasons. First, there is a reason you two have broken up, and that reason does not go away the moment you two break up. There needs to be time apart for both of you to learn, change, and grow as people. Then when you encounter each other again, you each come as the old person, but better in a sense.

 

Second reason is that after she tries to reconcile with you, you both need a little bit of time to think it through. For you, you need to be realistic and ask yourself if you really want to get back together, and if past problems would no longer be there. And for her, because this reconciliation attempt could be something out of an emotional spur of the moment, you need to give her some space as well to make sure that she genuinely does want to get back together.