Dr K's Special Recipe For Sticking To NC*

[Carus]

Hi All*

 

NC had to be my path....It was the only way out of the fire.....

 

And yes I broke it more than I should have....

 

And so if NC is your path too then one thing that really helped me was: When the urges came I would project my thoughts to the 24-48-72 hour period following breaking it and think about how it was going to make me feel....again!

 

Suffice to say, I usually didn't end up breaking....

 

Hope that helps some of you.....

 

Ever Forward

K2*

[DeenasRhino]

Same, the last time I broke NC I was verbally abused and embarrassed. After that I felt like such an idiot and I haven't had any urges to contact her again.

[Hell_On_Heels]

Occasionally I'd like to email (again) and ask about the status of our divorce. But he won't answer me. So I don't bother. I just grit my teeth and remind myself that the paperwork is meaningless. It changes nothing for us.

[baxxter]

I am writing a letter to him. Not sending it, well, not yet, anyway. But I am writing it now. This is a closure letter, so it helps me to think.

 

But I still know NC is the way to heal. I still need to heal.

[ElleB]

Sometimes you have to break it just to feel the shame that follows and for it to deter you from doing it again.

 

You can read all the stories of NC all you want, but until you try it, break it and learn for yourself how it feels, the true impact I don't think will be felt. You don't believe the oven is hot until you touch it yourself and are burnt.

 

After breaking NC yesterday and the feeling of the wound opening I KNOW not to do it again. My logic knew way before but to my emotions it was all "theory".

 

Not suggesting people who have achieved NC break it! I'm just saying what worked for me.

[okiedokiestomp]

there was another thread on here recently (and I can't recall which one it is so I apologize to the OP of this if they recognize this thought) that made a lot of sense to me even though the part that I latched on to wasn't the whole point of the post.

 

In a nut shell; I try to think that if I met my ex now without any prior shared history and she treated me the same way that she does now post-breakup would I be attracted to her...the answer is obviously a resounding "NO!" how could I be? Physically maybe but the personality and poor treatment would way override that for me...sounds deceptively simple but it works for me..it shows me that in those times when I may still miss the ex, I am idealizing the good parts of the relationship and minimizing the bad parts and it's best to always keep perspective on the reality that is now.