Struggling

[street]

We split up after 4 years 2gether for 7 months, got back for 5 months and have split again….i still love this girl and she loves me but shes still not sure if she wants to be together!!!

 

I thought the 7 months apart proved to her we should be together and I thought we would make it work the second time round…we had a great relationship but she sometimes felt that we were just best friends!! There was no argueing and we both treated each other so well…

 

Its hurting the second time round but I want to work it out….its been 3 weeks now and contact has been minimal…what shall I do?? I haven't really told her that I want to work this out…but one thing I don't want is a back and forth relationship!! Should I just cut my losses and fully move on this time??!!

 

Im 26 shes 22 so s bit of a age gap but not too much, this girl is the love of my life! I feel like im stuck in limbo at the moment and feel so lost and down about it!

[romantic sweetheart]

Hello dear. Perhaps one of the first things you can do is have a frank talk--and simply tell her that you would like this to work out--that you love her and you truly want to be with her. If her reaction is as shaky as her behaviours have been, then it seems as though the forces that drove you apart previously are still at work. Have you addressed them the second time around? Might your girlfriend be willing to address the issues with you?

 

Returning to a past love is a dicey situation---many a time, former issues are still unresolved. Is it the chemistry, is it fate willing this to be so, is it both? Sometimes one cannot be sure. If you have given this a good deal of effort, and still you see no change, perhaps, ,dear soul, it is time to quietly let go..........But if you feel you may be able to sort some of the problems out with your girlfriend, and you both are keenly interested in staying together, then by all means, continue trying. Love is dynamic---demanding certainty when there is uncertainty, willing us to risk when we want to feel safe, holding us together when we feel as though we are split all apart-----

 

Communication, sweet, is the key---Talk together. Find out why this sort of push-pull scenrio may be repeating itself now. Bridge that chasm of the unknowing.....

 

And no matter what, dear, you have loved, and you have taken the risk of love. And in that, you have fully lived...........

[Hopingpraying]

Street,

 

When woman are young I think they are always affraid of missing out on something better. I think with maturity they come to realize that there is no such thing as the sleeping beauty fairy tale relationship. Woman from birth are taught about the perfect wedding, the knight in shining armor, and how they will live happily every after. Well we all know that is just a farce. Relationships are full of ups and downs. You don't keep the honeymoon going forever, and eventually that romantic passion wears off. Especially after you have a child come into your lives... Maybe I am getting a bit off topic here Street, but I think this is why your GF is having difficulties commiting to you. Maybe not, but probably.

 

As for how you should proceed.... I don't know if I can give you a good answer, I can tell you what I have done.

 

Day by day... I wake up and take it each day at a time. Working out to improve my body, mind and soul. Church for my sole, Books and college courses for my mind, and Mountain biking, Walking the golf course, and working out for my body. It has served me well and the opposite sex is starting to take notice. I hope my wife is taking notice... Time will tell that... But I would say you cannot put your life on hold for your GF. She will have to come to know whether you are the one on her own. You cannot make her want to be with you. Tell her how you feel, but also let her know you cannot wait for her forever.... Hopefully that will get her going.

 

Good luck Street!!

[street]

hey thanks for the words of encouragement, im not going to speak 2 her as deep down she knows how i feel....im just going to improve myself..

 

im starting to work out more, im pretty skinny so muscles would look good..and putting me effort into mu job

 

.i need to be happy on my own before i can make anyone else happy...i know what to do its just doing it...like u said take each day as it comes...

 

ive got great family and friends...just my self esteem has been knocked!! being dumped twice in a year does that to u!! but i know i have alot to offer and if its not her it will be someone else!

[mrbaldy]

Street,

 

First of all I feel your pain. I am in a very similar situation. My fiance of 4 years (engaged 6 months) is 20 and I am 26. We had returned one sunday from a trip to get her license for cosmotology and all of a sudden she said she wanted to be independent and on her own and she was moving out the next day. Anyways thats a little background on my situation. It is very tough, and everything runs through your mind all at once. Do I try to keep things going, or do I move on..... constantly switching between the 2, as you have probably already gone through these stages before.

 

I personally believe that you have to give every possible effort to keep things alive if you really do love the person, but at the same time you have to really look deeply at the whole time you have been together and analize if she really loves you, r is in love with you.. if you get what I mean. It is easy to love someone but to love someone unconditionally is the true question. Just really think things through, and I wish you the best of luck.