The sweet truth about your ex leaving you for the new guy

[orthanc]

I did something yesterday that may count in being a total jerk (we always play it when we get dumped) but somehow, it helped and assured me that I’m really better off without her.

I searched this guy she is going out with (her officemate), after only a week of our breakup (6 yrs relationship). My ex is really a flirt and it's not the first time she had a fling before during our relationship (i always take her back, I don’t know why). So anyhow, I created another FB account and pretended to be a woman (temporarily, borrowing the pics of my cousin, she is a model). I added him up as a friend, and just after 5 minutes, he accepted the invite! And started chatting with me!

So I went through the charade, pressing for information about his current relationship.

And what a revelation!!! He told me, he is going out with this girl, but he is not serious with her because he thinks she is sick in the head (his exact words!). He thinks she is a real flirt and shouldn’t be taken seriously and he is just going out to enjoy since there are certain “benefits.” He keeps a safe distance, just in case she wants to be serious.

I felt a wave of anger (a few seconds only), but I just realized, it is indeed true! For those who has been dumped and found out their ex is with another one, don’t think too much how they are enjoying their time. Most likely, their new “guy” or “girl” don’t really take them seriously and they are being treated worst.

I felt pity for my ex. I can’t imagine how low this guy thinks about her. But she deserves that. And now, I’m more assured of going on with my life and not wasting a single minute grieving about her anymore. She deserved what she is going through right now. I remembered the saying in AA, "wherever you go, there you are." She will never have a real commitment unless she change and do the whole process of re evaluating her past.

The thought of knowing what really is happening to her right now, gives some sort of bitter satisfaction. I'm more than ready to move on.

[intrepid]

bitter satisfaction, but satisfaction nonetheless, however fleeting. i get it. probably not entirely healthy, the way you went about getting this insight, but i understand it.

[Puckdog27]

Just because your ex ended up with a huge karma milkshake doesn't mean that many, or even most will. We've all been the next guy for someones ex before. More importantly, spying on her new guy isn't real healthy. I would assume you really wanted to know this guys thoughts so you could gage your chances of her return as you always take her back. I wouldn't sit waiting as chances are this guy may have been (and probably was) lying.

[Lastchallenge]

Ha that's awsome! Good move I should do the same but she's not worth my time besides I know that new guys is a piece of garbage

[baxxter]

the guy sounds sick! What sort of a man would tell such a story to someone he is flirting with?? (Unless you are really good at leading him into talking them!)

 

I guess we all have fantasies doing things like that, and although what you did is naughty, I would never do it myself, if that helped you and you can move on, then congrats!

[maddyfaye]

Interesting!

A friend of mine recommended to one day hire a gal to seduce the guy who stole my ex ( by him pursuing my wife) It really would be emotional revenge if he likely showed that he would be willing to cheat.

[moving]

Sorry, but I disagree with this on every level. I think it's one thing to look at public information about someone new your ex is seeing (maybe Google them, or look at public FB photos, or whatever). But contacting someone your ex is seeing while pretending to be the opposite sex, probing for information about her new relationship, etc., is underhanded. It's deceptive to the person you're talking to (not that he sounds like an ethical model himself), it violates your ex's privacy, and it's unhealthy. "Moving on" means understanding that your ex will see new people and it's not your business. It doesn't mean deceiving their new love interest/SO into giving you information until you hear something that makes you feel vindictively good enough to move on.

 

Apart from the unhealthiness and deceptiveness of it, there's also the chance that you could have heard something that would have been upsetting to you - that the new guy was very much committed to and in love with your ex, and they had a great relationship with which they were both happy. (obviously this doesn't apply to you, but in case anyone is tempted to follow your example, they should keep in mind that they may not even get the "bitter satisfaction" that you did) Plus, even if you get information that their current partner is really a jerk, as you did - that could end in another week, and they could end up with someone really great - then what? "Moving on" doesn't mean "making sure that your ex is in a bad situation, then cheering." Jeez.

 

ETA ... by the way, not all of us are "total jerks" to our exes after we get dumped. It's possible to stay classy despite hurting.

[peanutbutterandjelly]

i think using your cousins pictures was a BAD BAD idea. you will probably get caught and made to look like a fool.

 

I dont know how long you were with your ex, but I assume she would know what your cousin looks like. I also assume that your ex and this new guy are facebook friends. If they arent, I'm sure they will be.

 

People are nosey. Your ex will no doubt go through this new guys friends list on facebook and come accross pictures of your cousin with a different name. She will more than likely know whats up asap. She will probably ask this new guy about it. You will definitely get caught.

 

i dont think the way you went about this was a very good idea at all, but i understand that we can do things like this during the breakup. I think the major problem is that you used pictures of a family member and I worry that it will come back and bite you in the end.

[baxxter]

if she is a model, could be taken from anywhere, no?

[peanutbutterandjelly]

it doesnt matter where he got the pictures, whether from her facebook, her website, random internet search or what. it's still unethical.

[JoshHimself]

Its creepy, I mean everyone hurts but this is e-stalker stuff

[Puckdog27]

She may have actually been sitting right there and recognized the pics and told him to go ahead and accept and play along. Most people realize that when a hot stranger with no mutual friends sends you a friend invite that it is generally a hacker. He (they) may have been well aware of this ruse.

[peanutbutterandjelly]

She may have actually been sitting right there and recognized the pics and told him to go ahead and accept and play along. Most people realize that when a hot stranger with no mutual friends sends you a friend invite that it is generally a hacker. He (they) may have been well aware of this ruse.

 

very very true.

[orthanc]

Guys, I never said what I did was right..we all make a fool out of ourselves one way or another after we get dumped. My original post made it clear on that.

But for whatever reasons I may have in doing this...it helped me in ways you can't imagine. Yes, I agree. closure, moving on and forgiveness should come from within and not from anyone else. That is the only time you can heal. But in my situation...after being dumped 2 times by her, and taking her back, made me really curious what does this guys really think of her in her office (both guys she had affairs with are all officemates. It's a pattern for her, even in her old workplace). More importantly this made me question myself, why do I have to stick to her when clearly there is something wrong with her.