someperson21 Posted June 30, 2010 Share Posted June 30, 2010 So, in Aprilish my ex GF and I decided it'd be a better idea to break up, needless to say we were both pretty massive asses to each other and decided it couldnt work, blah blah she hates me and all that. Im with someone else in a fwb situation that I'm pretty happy with. Anyway we went a lil while without talking, but lately we have been talking again and I am a lil worried about her, not sure why because I shouldnt be but I am, I tend to think she is on the rebound. Anyway, the guy she is with now is nice and all that I've met him and he's pretty cool, but theres some issues Im kinda seeing. Now the reason I say shes in a rebound is that we dated for 2 years, he dated his ex for about the same time period. They both got together at school, they'v been dating about a month and hanging out for that, the issue that I'm seeing here is. 1: They say they love each other after a lil over a month? Seems iffy to me. 2. Shes 19, hes 31 that doesnt sound very good right there. I mean I'm not against age gap or anything, that just seems odd. 3. He is moving about 9 hours away, in grad school I think that could be an issue right there, shes still in college with no car. 4. She still talks to me a decent amount, mostly about the past and how we didnt work out. Now keep in mind, right now I would not take her back even if she wanted to, it just isnt somthing that can work, which is fine I still care about her and all that, she does still hate me a little bit I think. However, yesterday she asked how many girls I've been with, I told her the truth: 2. We get into a discussion about how I wish I could have not banged the one girl. Then she just asks me out of nowhere " would you do me again if you could? jw " and I'm thinking what the hell is that supposed to mean? Then, she keeps asking about the girl I'm fwb with and what we talk about and all that stuff. She'll ask me what girls I like, if I want to date my fwb. And all that. Of course I wouldnt do anything with her again and she said the same thing. The question is, is she rebounding and still has feelings for me despite what a huge jerk I was to her? ( she says she doesnt ). The question is I hope this guy isnt a rebound because I dont want to see myself back with her again, I kinda have a feeling he is tho. I don't want to see her think she's falling in love and get really hurt Link to comment
Puckdog27 Posted June 30, 2010 Share Posted June 30, 2010 Why do you care if her relationship is a rebound? She told you she has no feelings for you and she is with someone else. Putting a tag on it doesnt change what it is. Link to comment
someperson21 Posted June 30, 2010 Author Share Posted June 30, 2010 Why do you care if her relationship is a rebound? She told you she has no feelings for you and she is with someone else. Putting a tag on it doesnt change what it is. She still has feelings for me, just not in a romantic way and vice versa. We've been freindsd for a VERY long time before we dated. I'd rather at least try to offer some advice. Link to comment
Puckdog27 Posted June 30, 2010 Share Posted June 30, 2010 She still has feelings for me, just not in a romantic way and vice versa. We've been freindsd for a VERY long time before we dated. I'd rather at least try to offer some advice. Its not your job or your best interest to offer her advice on her dating habits. She is an adult and makes her own dating choices. If you do tell her what you told us here, she will resent you for it, and you wont be her friend much longer either. She's a big girl. Link to comment
-Sanguine- Posted June 30, 2010 Share Posted June 30, 2010 Has she given any indication that she is in NEED of advice? If not, then you really have no right to just randomly tell her what you think she should be doing. Is there some hidden motive for you to be wanting to give her advice, I believe.. either there are still feelings there or you don't want to see her with a new guy? I'm just guessing. Because most people I know don't just offer advice without being asked unless they have their own personal reasons to. I have a friend who gives me advice about my relationship when I don't ask for it. It's frustrating, and only affects our friendship in a bad way.. so unless she asks, I would suggest you stay out of it. Link to comment
someperson21 Posted June 30, 2010 Author Share Posted June 30, 2010 Its not your job or your best interest to offer her advice on her dating habits. She is an adult and makes her own dating choices. If you do tell her what you told us here, she will resent you for it, and you wont be her friend much longer either. She's a big girl. I am highly aware, I've seen this happen to her before and it always hurts her. I have never been one to say these things to her, nor will I. I just hope there isnt a coming storm, because I'm always the one she goes to for support. And its getting old. Link to comment
Puckdog27 Posted June 30, 2010 Share Posted June 30, 2010 I am highly aware, I've seen this happen to her before and it always hurts her. I have never been one to say these things to her, nor will I. I just hope there isnt a coming storm, because I'm always the one she goes to for support. And its getting old. Then what you need to do is wait for her to come to you, then point out how she does this to herself then comes to you, and that its getting old....... BUT, you say you have been friends for a long time, well thats what friends are partially for, someone to come to with your problems. Link to comment
someperson21 Posted June 30, 2010 Author Share Posted June 30, 2010 Then what you need to do is wait for her to come to you, then point out how she does this to herself then comes to you, and that its getting old....... BUT, you say you have been friends for a long time, well thats what friends are partially for, someone to come to with your problems. Thats the thing, the only thing that worries me is ever ending back up with her, ive seen it happen before. Two people break up, find new people, hate each other, then start talking and eventually get back together. I'm worried that'll happen so I'm trying to hope this works for her Link to comment
Puckdog27 Posted June 30, 2010 Share Posted June 30, 2010 Thats the thing, the only thing that worries me is ever ending back up with her, ive seen it happen before. Two people break up, find new people, hate each other, then start talking and eventually get back together. I'm worried that'll happen so I'm trying to hope this works for her How are you worried that will happen? If you dont want to be with her in a relationship again, I think its pretty simple to avoid. Link to comment
someperson21 Posted June 30, 2010 Author Share Posted June 30, 2010 How are you worried that will happen? If you dont want to be with her in a relationship again, I think its pretty simple to avoid. I know, I'm aware but as Ive said I've seen two people go from hating each other to back together again. Thats why I hope this isnt a rebound. Otherwise I might just have to stop being freinds with her all together, because I tend to lose my way very quickly when it comes to this * * * * . Link to comment
someperson21 Posted June 30, 2010 Author Share Posted June 30, 2010 Its in the sense that as long as she is with this guy I dont have to worry about being a safety net, Link to comment
someperson21 Posted June 30, 2010 Author Share Posted June 30, 2010 Has she given any indication that she is in NEED of advice? If not, then you really have no right to just randomly tell her what you think she should be doing. Is there some hidden motive for you to be wanting to give her advice, I believe.. either there are still feelings there or you don't want to see her with a new guy? I'm just guessing. Because most people I know don't just offer advice without being asked unless they have their own personal reasons to. I have a friend who gives me advice about my relationship when I don't ask for it. It's frustrating, and only affects our friendship in a bad way.. so unless she asks, I would suggest you stay out of it. My personal interest is that I've known her snice she was 10, rather not repeat this same cycle of being a safety net over and over Link to comment
Puckdog27 Posted June 30, 2010 Share Posted June 30, 2010 My personal interest is that I've known her snice she was 10, rather not repeat this same cycle of being a safety net over and over I still dont understand your fear. If you dont want to ever be with her again, dont be with her. Thats your choice and nothing she does in any other relationship effects your ability to CHOOSE not to be with her. Link to comment
someperson21 Posted June 30, 2010 Author Share Posted June 30, 2010 I still dont understand your fear. If you dont want to ever be with her again, dont be with her. Thats your choice and nothing she does in any other relationship effects your ability to CHOOSE not to be with her. See, the reason is I hope its not a rebound and it lasts, because in the likely event it doesnt, I know I'll be the one she comes back to, and the fact that I'm with someone else will cause more drama I dont need in my life. So I don't know weather to call it quits with trying to be freinds with her or not Link to comment
Puckdog27 Posted June 30, 2010 Share Posted June 30, 2010 See, the reason is I hope its not a rebound and it lasts, because in the likely event it doesnt, I know I'll be the one she comes back to, and the fact that I'm with someone else will cause more drama I dont need in my life. So I don't know weather to call it quits with trying to be freinds with her or not Again.....its your choice to allow that drama into your life. Link to comment
someperson21 Posted June 30, 2010 Author Share Posted June 30, 2010 Again.....its your choice to allow that drama into your life. Yeah I just thought I'd get an opinon on that iffy seeming realtionship before I tell her one way or the other, less * * * * * ing later on if she comes back and I'm not there. Link to comment
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