relight the fire

[OldSoul19]

my boyfriend and i have been dating since high school. we're both in college, and he's my best friend.

 

when we began dating, i just left an abusive relationship where my weight was always the center of all arguments. my ex was a gym-rat and would force me to step up onto scales for him each week. i began throwing up and took this to an extreme. needless to say, i have so much anger towards him.

 

im 5'6" and weight about 170. im very big in the chest, so its normal for me to have a higher weight anyway. however i did add the freshmen 15 in college and cant get it off.

 

very recently, my boyfriend told me that he doesnt feel physically attracted to me since ive added this weight. he said the past few times we've had sex it hasnt been good for him. he also added it saying that he wants to be there for me, help me lose this, and that he knows im the one and only. he loves me more then anything.

 

somehow i just feel that its superficial, selfish, and unfair for him to present this to me the way he did. i havent felt this ashamed of myself since my ex. my boyfriend has apologized so much, but on the inside i dont feel worthy.

[Binoo]

If you're not losing weight strictly for yourself, it's just going to be a more difficult task than it is already. And there's a chance you may end up resenting your boyfriend for it.

[misssmithviii]

The way he approached this situation isn't very sensitive or considerate. My man always told me if I ever gained weight that made an affect on his attraction towards me (physically) he'd just let me know light-heartedly and offer to exercise with me - not say that sex wasn't enjoyable... omg.

 

I'm sorry he presented it to you this way but please keep in mind - he IS NOT your ex. He's probably just trying to let you know this so you can work on it, because he does want to stay with you - instead of letting it fester inside of him, then suddenly leaving you for it. He may not have come accross the best way, but I think his intentions are just to let you know his own personal, physical preferences.

 

15lbs. isn't very difficult, especially if it's extra weight and not weight that you've had for an extensive amount of time.

 

Keep your chin up - do something crazy amazing in bed and remind your man that a little extra lbs doesn't change how insanely awesome you are ^_^

 

I'm around 10lbs./15lbs. over what I was before I had a child, but I still look the same - just kept some more curves and while I'm working to lose it, my man knows that it doesn't change the sex. It's not like 100 extra pounds ya kno?

 

Don't stress on it, take your time because if you're healthier - you're better.

[confusedgirly]

 

 

My ex boyfriend said similar stuff.

 

My current boyfriend said he wouldn't care if I gained a few kgs and he would like me regardless of how I looked.

[vaporleak]

You seem super smart and sure of yourself. Real relationships, yeah, you gain/you loose, but if the person really loves you, do they bring it up so bluntly? I get that you have a comfort level, but I also see you are a strong woman who doesn't need a guy like that. I bet TONS of other guys lust you... maybe he needs to become aware of that fact.

[OldSoul19]

y'all, thanks so much for responding. this literally happened today, so im fragile and want all the comfort/words of wisdom/help i can get. thanks, really. it means so so so much to me. y'all have me crying now